


WHEN HE CRIES

by Nadine1



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-27
Updated: 2011-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 06:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 63,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadine1/pseuds/Nadine1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kris always was a shy laid back kind of guy. He was strongly taught by his parents and their church back in Arkansas where he grew up about their religious beliefs and values. He didn't have any problems following it, even moving to the City of Angels. Or that's what he thought. The night he bumped into famous Adam Lambert, a very wasted Adam Lambert, turned his life into 180 degrees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	WHEN HE CRIES

**Author's Note:**

> Kris is 21 in this story while Adam is 28.  
> Let me thank my betas becky43078 and crybaby4u for helping me edit/proof read this story.

**WHEN HE CRIES**  
by: Nadine(Imnotskerrd)

Kris always was a shy laid back kind of guy. He didn't have that many friends when he lived in Arkansas, he could count them on one hand. Even after seven months in LA he only had one friend and that was Charles.

Kris was a junior at UCLA and his parents let him stay at the school dorms but with a laundry list of rules he had to follow. His parents were extremely over protective and conservative. He was brought up like that as well as most of his neighbors in Arkansas.

They were taught at an early age that sex without a marriage bond was a sin. You should only give yourself to your husband or wife and you would go to hell if you broke that rule. Kris made sure to follow that rule. He rarely dated but when he did they were "friendly" dates no kissing on the lips or anything remotely involving touching. His dates had gone through hell from his parents just so they could ask Kris out to dinner. That was just how it was where he came from.

Kris had the internet so he wasn't shocked when they moved to LA and saw how people outside of his neighborhood behaved.  He knew how open minded and liberal they were but it was one thing to hear and read about it, to actually see it was another story.  He was a little bothered by it in the beginning.

After several months he was used to it. He always found people in every corner on campus making out for everyone to see. His parents still freaked out and reminded him of his virtue and purity every weekend when he came home. Kris would just nod his head and agree. It's not like he could forget when they reminded him a gazillion times a day.

At least that’s what he thought until one morning he was woken up by the flashes and clicking of cameras. He cracked his eyes open to see what was happening but the sun was so bright it blinded him. He groaned in displeasure.

 _"What the hell? Where am I?"_ Kris thought.

Then he heard muffled voices arguing over something.  He moved his hand to clutch the sheet but there was no sheet and as he looked around he realized he realized he was sitting in a car with the seats tilted back as far as they could go.

 _"Wait what?? A car? I'm sleeping in a car. I don't own a car!"_ Kris thought as he started to panic.

He tried to open his eyes again and the first thing he saw was yeah he was in a car, a very expensive luxury car. He then noticed people gathering outside taking pictures of him with their regular cameras and camera phones while others were standing around trying to figure out what was going on.

He didn't understand why, sure he was from Arkansas but he knew people slept in their cars sometimes. Nothing strange about that. Then he saw his plaid shirt on his feet.

 _"What the heck?"_ He thought. _"that looks like my shirt and I'm topless."_

He then looked at his bare legs and he realized he didn't have any pants on, he was naked. He instinctively jumped and clutched the - wait a blanket?  A hand came out of nowhere and grabbed onto the blanket. They played tug of war for a moment until it registered with Kris that there was someone in the car with him.  Of course there was, he didn't have a car so obviously he must be in the car with someone else.

He glanced nervously at the other man still asleep in the driver’s seat.

 _"Holy shit!! Whoa"_ Kris exclaimed to himself.

He shook his head to clear it and looked at the man again. Instantly everything that happened the night before came back to him clear as day.  He had sex with Adam Lambert.

The day before he was forced to attend his roommate Charles birthday party.  Charles was a bit weird but he respected Kris's privacy and his personal space. When Charles asked him to come along he really couldn't say no.

The  bar they went to was so far out of Kris's comfort zone. It was his first time in a bar so he needed a little time to wrap his mind around it. The bodies grinding on the dance floor made his eyes go huge.

Before he had time to think, Charles was pulling him towards the bar and thrusting a neon colored drink in his face. He stared at it for awhile then back at Charles. He gave Kris the "go on try it" look. Kris decided to smell it instead. He winced when he sniffed the alcohol.  It was gross. Charles's friends started laughing  when they saw the look on his face. He decided to get his own drink and purchased a soda. By the time he ordered and returned to the table Charles had picked out most of his friends were on the dance floor.

Charles's friends Greg saw Kris sitting at the table and decided to take pity on him and asked him to dance. Greg was tall and had black hair, pretty much if Kris had a type, he would be it. They danced and laughed until Charles other friend Zander asked if he could dance with Kris to. Kris laughed when he saw Greg pout after he said yes to Zander.

They danced, laughed and drank for quite awhile until Kris excused himself to go to the men's room. As he was washing his hands one of the stall doors opened and a tall dark haired man walked out. He looked at him and tried to figure out where he saw him before. He looked so familiar. His heart almost skipped a beat when he realized who it was. He tried not to freak out over the fact that Adam fucking Lambert was standing in front of him.

Adam Lambert was an internationally famous pop singer who had a reputation for sleeping around.  It didn't matter to Kris though, he really liked him since the moment he saw him on his television.  He had all his cd's and even a picture of him in his wallet. Yeah that was kind of embarrassing but he couldn't help who he had a crush on.

Adam looked like he was wasted, he could barely stand up straight. When he looked up and saw Kris he smirked and ran his eyes up and down his body.  Adam must have liked what he saw because he walked up to Kris and introduced himself. Kris couldn't believe it when Adam ran his index finger up Kris's arm to his neck and settled on his bottom lip.  Adam was telling him something about how pretty he was and he was his type. Kris was so dumbfounded that he didn't move or speak so Adam decided to replace his finger with his mouth and capture it in a hungry kiss. Kris had never been kissed on his mouth before and Adam kissing him was beyond his wildest fantasy.

Adam moaned into the kiss and ran his hand under Kris's plaid shirt. The contact was like nothing he ever felt before. He never thought kissing would be this great. Kris realized he was moaning to and his hands were around Adam's neck.

Adam broke the kiss for much needed air and whispered in Kris's ear "Let's go to my car"

Kris shivered as Adam whispered the words.  All he could do was nod his head. He was so dazed from how amazing Adam's kisses were.

When they reached Adam's black Lexus to Kris's surprise Adam started the car and drove a few miles and stopped. Adam was on his lap in seconds plundering his mouth. They kissed for what seemed like an eternity. By the time Adam pulled away Kris felt boneless and pliant.

He stiffened when Adam started to unbutton his shirt, Adam stopped and looked down at Kris

"You are so pretty and look so delicious" Adam said.

Adam threw Kris’ shirt off and ran his hands up and down his bare chest. His eyes looked so intense it was like he wanted to eat Kris. He began to kiss him roughly making Kris moan over and over as Adam ran his fingers over his nipples.

When Adam started to unbuckle his belt Kris stiffened and his eyes flew open.

Adam saw it so he leaned over and licked into his ear and whispered "I'll be gentle, I promise."

Kris hesitation was thrown away when Adam went back to licking his ear and pinching his nipples. He never realized how sensitive his nipples were. The pleasure was insane. He had never felt anything like it before.

He was having sex with Adam fucking Lambert in his car. He couldn't believe it. It wasn't the most comfortable place to have sex especially for someone that had never had sex before. Adam made sure it was pleasurable for him. He prepped Kris with his fingers for what seemed like hours to Kris. He had a passing thought about how funny it was that Adam had lube in his glove compartment but when Adam's fingers brushed across his prostate all coherent thought flew out the window.

Kris felt like he was about to explode as Adam started to enter him. He felt burning pain and wanted to pull away but Adam told him to relax and breathe. As soon as he relaxed enough he was thrown into ecstasy. He was rocking with Adam and was losing his sanity on every thrust. Adam's cock was hitting his prostate dead on every time he thrust back in.  Kris bit his lip as Adam bit his shoulder as he came. Adam licked up Kris neck and kissed him passionately as he jerked Kris off. Kris screamed as he came but it was muffled by Adam's tongue shoved half way in his mouth.

Adam rested his full weight on Kris as he tried to catch his breath, both of their bodies were sticky with come and sweat. After awhile Adam pulled out of Kris and sat down in the driver’s seat. He reached behind them in the back seat and pulled out a blanket for them to share, mumbled some incoherent words and immediately passed out.

Kris was on cloud nine and didn't care that Adam had passed out on him. He was to happy to feel upset or used.  He shifted to his side and faced Adam the man he had fantasized about for years, whom even in his wildest dreams never thought he'd have sex with.  He smiled as he thought about how amazing the night was and it never crossed his mind about how out of character and against all of his beliefs this was. He fell asleep with a smile on his face not thinking about what the consequences of his actions would be.

Kris watched the people outside the car and felt like ice had been thrown at him. He was shivering and scared about what was to come.

"Adam" he said. There was no reply from the sleeping man.

"Adam" Kris said with more conviction. Adam groaned in annoyance but didn't open his eyes.

"Adam!!" Kris screamed.

"What the fuck?" Adam said as he jolted up.

Adam's Eyes squinted as he looked outside at all the bystanders. Kris's heart broke when he saw the horrified expression on his face.

Adam looked stunned and whispered "Oh my god" and looked down at the blanket covering his naked body. His eyes grew huge and looked up at Kris. He wanted to crawl out of the car and run away. His eyes were a mix of rage and disgust. Kris felt sick to his stomach.

"What did you do to me?" Adam shouted.

"Wh-hat? I didn't do anything. You were the one that invited me to your ca-"

"Did you plan this? "Adam interrupted. "You attention whore! Oh my god, I can't fucking believe this. You need to get out of my car."

Adam scared the crap out of Kris with how angry he was at him. "I-I am naked. I can't-"

Adam groaned in frustration and started the car. People started to tap them on the windows but Adam stepped on the gas and honked the horn trying to get people to move out of his way.

Adam drove in silence his jaw tight. He refused to look at Kris.

"Where is my phone?" he asked.

"I-I don't know" Kris whispered. He felt so small, humiliated and hurt.

"Fuck!!" Adam shouted.

They drove in silence until they reached what Kris assumed was Adam's mansion with a high fence surrounding it.

"Get dressed." Adam ordered Kris.

Kris quickly put on his pants and shirt trying not to cry as he did it. He felt so humiliated, Adam was basically dumping him on the side of the  
road like trash.

"Get out!" Adam yelled. Kris glanced at Adam and his heart clenched when he saw pure hatred in his eyes. He wished that last night had never happened. He never felt anything like he felt at that minute. He never thought Adam could be this mean. As he scrambled out of the car as quickly as he could he thought that meeting Adam was a nightmare and maybe he would wake up soon.

When he finally made it home after walking for almost an hour he was so exhausted that all he wanted to do was sleep.  He immediately gave his mom a morning kiss and made an excuse that he was tired and needed to go to bed. Thankfully his mother did not question him and let him go without a fight. He couldn't handle a confrontation at that moment.

He felt like he was run over by a truck that he didn't even have the energy to take his shoes off. Tears fell from his eyes as he recalled his intimate moment with Adam, it hurt so much that he accused him of being an attention whore. How could Adam say that when he had no idea what kind of person Kris was. He thought about how he was whore but not for the reason Adam said.  
He had a one night stand what kind of man does that?  He cried himself to sleep thinking about how he went against everything he was ever taught.

He finally woke up late in the afternoon, he went downstairs and when he declined to eat his mother looked so worried that he changed his mind. He didn't want his mom to worry. He hated that. He sat at the table watching his mother mix something up for their dinner.

All of the sudden his brother screamed "MOM!!" He sounded so horrified that his mother immediately ran into the living room to check on her youngest son.

"Daniel, what's wrong?" He heard his mom ask, as he rounded the corner he saw his mother drop the bowl she was carrying on the floor.

Kris immediately ran up to her and asked "Mom, what happened? Are you okay?"

His mom's eyes were still glued to the television. Her hands were shaking and when Kris looked at his brother he looked no better. His mouth was open and his eyes were huge. When Kris's eyes landed on the television he gasped and screamed "Oh my god!"

His mother looked at him and said "Please tell me I am not seeing what I think I am seeing?"

Kris was stunned. He should have realized everything that happened with Adam would be all over the news and gossip magazines. The television was showing Kris and Adam asleep in the car and you could clearly see they had no clothes on. Kris felt the sky was falling in on him and he was having a hard time breathing. He realized that his face would be plastered all over every tabloid in the world. He choked out a sob and ran up to his room.

He just wanted to disappear into the floor when his mother barged in and yelled "What have you done, Kristopher?"

He opened his mouth to say something when he heard the front door slam shut so hard some of his picture frames fell of his wall. He knew what was coming.

"KRISTOPHER!!!" His dad screamed "GET DOWN HERE, NOW!!"

His mom ran down the stairs to try to calm her husband down but Kris knew it wouldn't do any good. He knew his father.

Kris nervously walked down the stairs and saw his father standing in the middle of the living room with his hands on his hips looking like he was going to explode at any second. Kris didn't look at his family as he sat on the couch waiting to hear what his father had to say. His mother stood behind his father with her hand on his shoulder trying to keep him calm. Daniel was sitting in the same spot he was when Kris had ran to his room.

"What is all this about? Please tell me that is not you on my television?" His father was so furious Kris was worried he'd have a heart attack. His face was so red and he was sweating.

When Kris didn't immediately say anything he screamed "Answer me, Damn it!!"

Kris flinched and stuttered "Ye-yes D-Dad. It is me. I am so sor-"

"You are sorry?? Seriously, have you no shame? You have embarrassed this family. I thought we taught you better values then this. You know it's a sin to have sex before you are married."

Kris started to cry as his father continued to yell. He had never seen his father this angry.

"Is he your boyfriend" His father asked him as he continued to pace across the room.

"No" he whispered.

"What? Are you serious, young man?"

Kris continued to cry as he stammered "He- I just met him last night... at a-a-a bar."

His father sat down on the couch with a look of horror on his face.

"Oh my god. My son had sex with a stranger. What has happened to the boy I raised?" his father said with a stunned look on his face. His mother sobbed and sat down next to her husband.

"I am so sorry Dad. It's just that-"

His father interrupted and asked "Have you done anything like this before?"

"No" Kris said as tears fell from his eyes.

"You mean this stranger was your first time?" His father asked.

Kris nodded and his mother choked out a sob and put her hands in front of her face.

"Do you know where he lives?" Kris nodded and his father immediately stood up and said "We need to go to his house right now?"

"What? Why?" Kris asked incredulously. He couldn't forget the hateful stares and rage written on Adam's face and he never wanted to see it again.

"He thought he could get away with what he did! He has to marry you, Kristopher!"

His Dad said it like it was a done deal and nothing would change his mind. Kris knew if the family's reputation and virtue were on the line his Dad would fight tooth and nail to keep their name pure.

Adam was furious as he watched the boy slowly walk away from his car. He couldn't believe he was tricked again, the boy looked innocent enough but they all did before they sold their story to the tabloids.

As he pulled into his long drive and got out of his car he thought about the night before, he couldn't really remember a lot except that he fucked someone he shouldn't have. He was pissed at himself because now his face would be plastered all over every media outlet.

As he opened the door and walked into the foyer he saw his boyfriend Drake sitting on the couch drinking coffee. When he looked up Adam knew he was in trouble. Drake looked pissed.

"Where the hell have you been?"

Adam recalled that he was with Drake at the club and he left him there to fuck that whore.

"I'm sorry, babe. I must have been so wasted. I don't know how I got there but I slept in the car." Adam explained. He kind of felt bad that he was lying to his lover.

"I searched the fucking parking lot but your car wasn't there!" Drake yelled and stood with his hands on his hips.

Adam didn't really want to do deal with Drake all he wanted was to shower and sleep. It was a rare day off for him. No appointments, interviews and thankfully no recording. His voice was shot. He didn't want to argue. He wanted to fuck his boyfriend then sleep.

"I woke up a few miles away from the bar. I must have been so wasted, Honey. I'm so sorry for abandoning you. Let me make it up to you." As Adam was talking he walked up to Drake and started licking his neck. He smiled to himself when he felt Drake relax and offer his neck so Adam could lick it some more.

"Are you sure you didn't leave with someone?" Drake asked. His eyes fluttered close as Adam started to unbutton his shirt and lapped at his nipple.

"Yes baby I'm sure." Adam whispered before he licked his way into Drake's mouth capturing a moan as he stuck his tongue deep into his mouth. "I missed you. Bedroom?"

Drake nodded and they ran up the stairs as fast as they could. Adam never did take a shower. He fucked his boyfriend into the mattress then promptly fell asleep.

It was later in the morning when his cell phone started buzzing nonstop. He was so annoyed that he threw it against the wall. It was his day off, he didn't want to be bothered. He really wanted to punch someone when his manager Pam and his personal assistant Shirley barged into his bedroom without knocking.

"Rise and shine, Adam" Pam commanded.

"What the fuck is wrong with you??" Adam asked sounding extremely pissed off. He hated that she thought she had the right to just barge in his house like she owned it.

"Clean up and meet us in the living in five minutes." Pam ordered Adam.

"Make that a half hour" He said as he buried his head under the pillows.

"Get your ass downstairs in five minutes Adam. I mean it" with that she and Shirley left slamming the door behind them.

Drake rolled over and asked in a half asleep voice. "What was that about?"

"It was Pam, She is pissed about something." Adam said as he got out of bed.

"Why? What have you done now?" Drake asked.

Adam halted in his tracks at his boyfriend's question. His heart started to beat faster as he thought about last night. Fuck he was screwed!

When he came out of the bathroom he found Drake sitting on the bed tying his shoes looking just as pissed as Adam.  ‘Just wait until he hears about last night’ Adam thought to himself as they walked downstairs.

"What is this all about?" Drake asked as he watched the two ladies pace back and forth.

Pam didn't answer Drake but locked eyes with Adam before picking up the remote to his wide screen television and turning it on. They both turned to look even though Adam was sure he already knew what he would see.

"Holy fucking shit!" Adam yelled as he stared at the television, watching himself and the whore who sold him out, They both looked completely fucked out. TMZ was playing the clip over and over and it was pretty obvious what had happened.

"You fucking cheated on me!" Drake yelled, his eyes wide and face red.

"That wasn't my fault. That motherfucker planned this. He tipped off the media. He is a fucking whore. He just wanted money, baby. Please-"

"You lied to me!" Drake accused Adam.

"Like you never lied to me!" Adam retaliated.

"How dare you turn this around on me when you were just caught sticking your dick in another man's ass!" Drake was screaming at Adam not caring that they had guests.

"STOP!" Pam yelled. "You can continue this fight later. We need to talk about what to do now."

"I'm out of here" Drake said as he walked towards the door. Adam hurried behind him catching him by the arm to stop him.

"Honey please." Adam whispered.

Drake jerked his arm out of Adam's hold but Adam held on tighter. Adam looked at him with pleading eyes. He couldn't lose Drake over this shit. His heart broke when he saw the pain in his lover's eyes. He put that there.

"Please, don't let this shit break us. I love you and you know that, right?" Adam begged.

"You fucking cheated on me." Drake said with a hitch in his voice.

"He was a whore, a slut who does this shit for money. Please baby, I never meant to hurt you. Please, stay with me. This shit will blow over soon, it will fade away in a week. Don't let that whore win by breaking up with me. You are letting him win. Please, Drake. I love you."

Adam was begging Drake and it was so unlike him to beg anyone for anything but he loved him more than words and he couldn't lose him. He'd swallow his pride. Adam leaned forward and kissed him tenderly. He wanted to put all the love he felt into that kiss. He needed Drake to believe him.

"Can we talk about this now, Adam?" Pam asked with irritation in her voice as she stood watching them from the living room door.

Adam broke the kiss and looked at his boy and said "Are we okay?"

Drake nodded hesitantly. He wasn't sure but he was willing to work it out.

"Thank god! Now bring your ass in here. We need to talk about this."  Pam said as she turned around expecting the boys to follow her.

Pam explained that the videos and pictures had gone viral and his management was pissed. Adam was no stranger to scandals and because of that his every move was scrutinized and picked apart. His recent scandal was a video of him stripping in a gay club before that was a picture of him with two twinks licking his chest and neck at a Lady Gaga concert. Drake had freaked out about that but he calmed down after he found out who the twinks were and they did not have sex with his boyfriend. There were countless other scandals under Adam's belt some were true while others were blown out of proportion by the media.

His management was not surprised by this latest scandal but what was a big deal was that this officially made him a cheater in his fans eyes. This needed to be handled and handled quickly or he could lose his older female fans who basically got him to where he was now in his career. He was labeled a bad role model. Adam needed to change that perception and change it quickly.

"What are you trying to tell me, Pam?" He asked "Am I not allowed to have fun now? What are you people trying to do to me?"

"Adam, we don't want you to stop having fun, You just need to lie low. Everyone thinks you are a cheater." Shirley explained. She was much more composed than Pam as she tried to get through to Adam.

"But I am NOT a cheater!!" Three pairs of eyes looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Okay well, except last night. I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing and that bastard took advantage of the situation."

"Whatever happened last night we cannot change it." Pam continued. "People already saw the video and pictures, they saw you cheating again. Those people don't know you or what is really going on with you. They tend to believe whatever they read in the tabloids."

"I don't care what other people think. This is my life and management cannot tell me what to do with it." Adam stubbornly said.

"You are freaking out and I haven't even told you what management has dec-" Pam was interrupted by the doorbell ringing repeatedly. "Are you expecting a visitor?"

Adam shook his head and looked at Drake who still looked so pissed. Drake shook his head no and sat down. Shirley ran to get the door before she had opened it completely they heard a man's angry voice demanding to see Adam Lambert.

They heard Shirley try to calm the man but he continued to demand to talk to Adam. Adam, Pam and Drake ran to the foyer afraid the man would hurt Shirley.

"What is going on?" Adam asked. Shirley moved to the side and Adam saw a man who looked so angry that he was at first taken aback. Adam did not recognize the man and wondered what he had done to him. He also wondered how he got past his security.

"Who are you? What do you want?"  
The man stood up straight but he still had to look up to look Adam in the eyes.

"We are here to tell you that you can't get away with what you did to Kristopher! How dare you humiliate my son, to coax him into doing something so sinful. You can't do that then dump him. He was pure and you tainted him."

The man's face was scarlet red from screaming and Adam was so confused as to who this was and he was not in the mood to deal with another attention whore.

Adam took a breath to calm himself and then said "Excuse me, Mr. ?"

"Neil Allen"

"Mr. Allen, I'm afraid I don't have any idea what you are talking about" Adam tried to be polite but he was quickly losing his patience. "Now I'm sorry I have a crisis on my hands right now and I can't deal wit-"

Neal immediately interrupted and yelled "Don't you dare throw us out. Kristopher, get in here."

Adam watched as three people made their way into the foyer. He realized one of them was the whore. Adam groaned in disgust as he watched the whore's nervous face. Adam didn't care what his name was in his mind he was a whore and didn't deserve a name. The whore would not meet Adam's eyes and looked at his worn out converse.

Adam's anger spilled out at seeing Kris and his horrible acting. "Oh, what do you need now? More money? You brought your family? For what? You aren't innocent, you are a fucking whore!" He yelled.

Adam was stunned when he felt the sting of a slap across his face. He assumed it was the whore's mother. She was so angry that she raised her hand to slap him across the face again but Adam grabbed it before she could land the blow.

"Don't you dare talk to my Kristopher like that! He is no whore! You corrupted him last night and you should take responsibility  for it." Kris's mom yelled as she got in his face almost touching Adam's nose with hers.

Adam stepped back and tried to remain calm as he said "Excuse me, Ma'am, but I did not corrupt anyone. He should take the blame for this. He sold me out to the media."

"This is the man you gave yourself to, Kris?" Mr. Allen said with sadness in his voice.

"Dad, I told you this was a bad idea. Please don't embarrass me anymore." Kris pleaded even as he refused to look up at anyone in the room.

"Kris, he needs to be a man and be responsible for what he did and for you. I thought we taught you that?" Neil asked.

"Excuse me, Mr. Allen" When the older man looked up Adam continued "Why don't you listen to Kristopher? I mean, people have one night stands all the time. No big deal. If you'll excuse me, I need to deal with this "scandal" ‘’ Adam air quoted scandal and started to turn his back but before he could take a step someone punched him in the jaw.

"What the fuck!" Adam screamed as he rubbed his jaw.

As he wiped the blood off his lip he glared at the younger man and thought that this family was a bunch of crazy lunatics. What the hell did he get himself into?

"Don't you turn your back on my parents when they are speaking to you. You asshole." The guy said with as much anger in his voice as he could muster.

‘’Daniel, language!" Mr. Allen told his other son. "You better man up Mr. Lambert, you don't have a choice."

"Adam, Why don't you give them what they want? This getting ridiculous." Drake spoke up from behind Adam. He looked pissed and extremely hurt standing in a room with the whore his boyfriend slept with the night before.

Adam looked at the Allens in the eyes except for Kris who was still fascinated with his shoes.

"What do you want? If it's money, no problem just name your price. Shirley give them what they want and show them the way out." Adam ordered and turned to walk away.

He heard Mrs. Allen gasp and Mr. Allen yelled at him "We don't need your money, young man!" He was seconds away from punching Adam in the face.

"What the hell do you want then?" Adam asked incredulously.

"You need to marry my son." Neil ordered.

"WHAT?" Adam and Drake both shouted. "This is ridiculous. It was a one night stand, nothing more."

"Adam..." Pam interrupted. Adam did not hear her at first because he was in shock at the Allens demand. "Adam" Pam said again.

"WHAT?" Adam screamed. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Kris jump at his tone.

"Good" Adam thought. He wanted him to feel scared and nervous about him.

"I want to tell you the management’s decision" She started to say.

Adam couldn't believe her. She wanted to talk about that in front of these lunatics?

"Pam, can't this wait? These people are blackmailing me! You want to talk about my plans in front of them." he was so exhausted, all he wanted was to go to bed and hold Drake.

"Actually no, this can't wait."

"Fine go ahead." Adam threw up his hands in surrender. He wanted this to be over as soon as possible.

"Management has decided you should marry this young man. People were on their way to find him but now that they are he-"

"WHAT?" Adam and Drake yelled again.

"Fuck this, Adam. I'm leaving." Drake yelled turning on his heels.

"Not again." Pam threw up her hands as they watched Drake walk out the door with Adam chasing after him. He was begging Drake not to leave again.

"I think we should get comfortable in the living room. It will take awhile for them to kiss and make up."  Shirley said.

Nearly 15 minutes later Adam and Drake walked back into the room holding hands. Adam's eyes were full of rage when he spoke.

‘’I will NOT marry him." Adam sternly said.

"Adam, this is good for you. We need for you to be seen with him exclusively for six months. It will only be until people stop thinking of you as a player and a cheater." Pam tried to explain.

"No. They can drop me from the label if they want. I won't do it." Adam yelled again.

"What? Marriage is for a lifetime not six months.  This was so embarrassing to our family. We are humiliated. My son's picture is plastered all over the country and Kristopher has given himself to you. You do not have a choice Mr. Lambert. It's Kristopher's reputation at stake here." Mr. Allen said as he again had a red face from his anger.

"Dad, please don't do this. I told you it was my fault not Adam's. I am the one to blame. He was drunk and I wasn't, I could have said no, but I kind of... kind of wanted to be with him." Kristopher said shyly. His head was still down as he played with the small hole in his jeans. His mother moved closer to him, hugging him sideways as she silently started to cry.

Kris continued to talk as his mother held him "I-I didn't stop him, I let him do whatever he wanted to me. Dad, please listen to me. Don't make his life more complicated than it already is."

"Neil, Kris is right and besides I don't feel safe having him be married to this man. We are humiliated, Kris' reputation and purity was tainted but we will only be making it worse having Kris marry him. My Krissy would be hurt. He is so rude, arrogant and has no manners at all." Mrs. Allen in between sobs. Her heart broke for her eldest son.

"Well, thank you so very much. That was flattering." Adam said sarcastically.

"Let's go." Mr. Allen said as he got up to walk out the door.

Adam could clearly see the disappointment and sadness in his eyes. He didn't understand why, who forced their child to marry someone just because they had sex one time? He didn't think there were still people who did that.

" _So what? I was the whore's first. It's not that big of a deal_ " Adam thought.

The Allens left quickly and quietly, Adam sighed and pulled on Drake's arm to have him sit on the couch with him. Feeling relieved the drama was over he looked at Pam and told her the decision was final and to never bring it up again.

The day after the most embarrassing day of Kris' life he thought everything would go back to normal, he should have known nothing would be normal again.  His roommate Charles refused to let him sit in his room and wallow.  Kris was grateful to have an amazing friend but he just wanted to hide from the world.

He finally returned to school after several days of sitting in his room watching television and eating junk food. He really wished he had never left his room, everywhere he went students stared at him. Some with disgust in their eyes or disappointment. The ones he hated the most were people who stared at him who were obviously jealous.  If they only knew. Yes, he had sex with Adam Lambert but if he could turn back time he would do everything differently. The great sex was not worth the humiliation he felt and especially the fact that he disappointed his parents.

The day that he heard someone whisper "Lambert's boy toy" he wanted to throw up and run away where no one would ever find him. He walked as fast as he could to get away from everyone whispering behind his back. As he rounded the corner he was momentarily blinded by the flashing of cameras in his face.

People were asking him questions and he was so stunned he couldn't move.

It seemed like so many people were asking him questions.

"Are you Adam's new boy toy?"

"How do you feel about the pictures of you half naked being seen by everyone in the country?"

"Are you two together? Are you just one of his random hook up?"

Kris felt dizzy and sick to his stomach as he tried to get away from the paparazzi, Thank goodness for Charles who showed up at the perfect time and rescued him from the crazy mob. They ran as fast as they could to their dorm room.

Kris refused to go to class the next day, he was afraid if he stepped out of his dorm the paparazzi would chase him all over campus. He wasn't famous, Adam was, they should be chasing him not some nobody college student.

A month went by but the paparazzi never stopped following him. He was always uncomfortable when he went out. He knew he was being watched but after awhile he seemed to get used to it. It still bothered him but he realized he either had  to live with it  or  stay in his house like a hermit. He refused to let them run his life.

One morning he was walking with Charles to their next class when he suddenly felt dizzy and like he might throw up. Charles made him lean against the wall and a bottled water he offered to him. These days the paparazzi didn't take his picture right in his face. They hid in the bushes or in their cars. He was sure as he leaned against the wall he saw heads and the camera clicks coming from the bushes across the courtyard.

The dizzy spells and wanting to throw up continued more frequently after that day, When he went to his parents house weeks later and read the headline of the tabloid his father was reading "LAMBERT'S BOY TOY PREGNANT!!"

He chuckled as he read it but as soon as he did he felt sick and ended up throwing up his breakfast. His mother looked worried as she stood outside the bathroom door waiting for her son. He broke out in a cold sweat as he saw the look in her eyes.

" _Damn_ " He thought. " _The tabloids might be right_."

His stomach churned as he sat down next to his father. _Could this be true?_

"Oh my god." Kris whispered, one hand covered his mouth while the other rubbed his belly. This couldn't be happening to him.

The next day Kris found himself lying in a hospital bed watching an ultrasound of his tiny baby. He heard the sounds of a heartbeat and wanted to cry. He was having a baby. The day before his mother insisted he see a doctor as soon as he possibly could. The doctor confirmed he was pregnant and that he was a little over four weeks along. He was pregnant with Adam Lambert's baby.

 _"What the fuck am I going to do now?_ " Kris thought.

When they walked to the car they were bombarded with questions. Kris was so shocked that he didn't hear a word they were saying. As he sat in the car he realized he wanted this baby. He would love it and take care of him or her by himself. There was no way he would ever get rid of it. He smiled and sat back in the passenger seat waiting for what was sure to be a huge fight at home.

Sure enough when he got home his father was waiting for him and as soon as he heard the news, he blew up and told Kris they had to go to Adam's house and demand that he man up and take care of Kris and his child.

Kris pleaded with his father to forget about Adam. He was going to raise this baby by himself. It would be hard but he didn't want to have anything to do with Adam ever again.

His father was not convinced but said that this was Kris' child and his decision. Kris had made his decision the minute he saw the ultrasound. He was having it and no one would change his mind.

After few days, Kris was stunned when he opened the door and saw Pam standing on his doorstep.

"What do you want?" Kris demanded.

"Is it true that you are pregnant?" Pam asked as she fidgeted and tried not to look nervous.

"Yes I am" Kris confirmed "And before you ask I am 101% sure it is Adam's."

"That's what I thought." Pam took a deep breath and continued. "I would like to offer you a deal. We would like you to marry Adam and stay with him until you have the baby. After he or she is born you can do whatever you want. You can divorce or stay together, it would be up to you."

"Absolutely not" Kris said and immediately stood up to show Pam out.

"Wait Kris, please let me finish." Pam pleaded.

Kris reluctantly nodded and sat back down on the couch.

"The baby would have Adam's last name and he would have a trust fund set up for him or her, which could be accessed when they turn eighteen. All you have to do is say yes and your baby's future will be secured."

"What is Adam's reaction to all this?" Kris asked.

Pam gave Kris a small smile and said "Honestly he wasn't happy. He doesn't want a child and made it very clear that he didn't like this idea. Just so you know, don't expect too much from him. In the end he agreed to it because it's a win-win for everyone. It helps his image, you and your baby's financial future."

Kris stood and walked Pam to the door. "I'll think about it, okay?"

As he walked in the kitchen he saw his father, he noticed his father looked worried.

"I heard what she said and I think you should say yes to her offer."

Kris began to shake his head no but stopped when his father held up his hand.

"Let me finish, son. You know what we have taught you. It is a sin to have a child out of wedlock. This would bring less shame on us and the baby." explained Neil.

"Dad, Adam hates me and it isn't healthy to be married and raise a child around such hatred." Kris frowned and sat down at the kitchen table as he tried to reason with his father.

Neil sighed and said "I know, but I think you should be patient and do this for the sake of the baby. You never know Kris, with god's grace he might change and you will have a happy family that your child deserves to have. The child needs two parents. Please don't deny that opportunity for your child."

Kris thought about it for several minutes. He watched his mother cry as she washed the vegetables they were having for dinner that night.

Kris nodded his head and said "I'll call Pam and tell her I will do it."

The next few days were a whirlwind for Kris. The contract was drafted for his child's trust fund and their prenuptial agreement. After his lawyer looked everything over Kris gladly signed them and waited for the chaos to begin as soon as the press learned of the wedding.

Pam and Shirley called him nonstop for days after explaining the wedding plans and what they would need to do before they announced the engagement. They needed to appear in public together several times and act like they were in love. The public needed to be convinced they were indeed a couple.

  
"We need you to come in to discuss all the details. Of course  Adam will be there so be prepared for that. I'll see you in an hour." Pam said and promptly hung up.

Kris sighed and got ready to leave. He knew he had no choice but he was not looking forward to seeing Adam. The last time was the morning after they had sex. If he had a choice he'd never see that arrogant ass ever again. He tried to remind himself that he was the father of his child and his future husband.

When he walked in the room Adam acted the same way he did the last time Kris saw him.

"Hi Adam, Pam" Kris said as he sat in the chair opposite Adam.

Adam ignored him and continued to look at Pam waiting for her to tell them what the plans would be.

Kris had a horrible time holding his tongue throughout the meeting because at every turn Adam had something rude or sarcastic to say. Kris wanted to punch him but decided for the sake of his child he'd suck it up and Ignore everything Adam was doing.

At the end of the meeting Pam stood up and said. "So to recap what we are planning to do. Kris you will move into Adam's house as soon as possible. You both will go on very public dates and make sure to be photographed holding hands or kissing. You also will be photographed leaving your ob-gyn office and then will confirm to the media that you are indeed pregnant. I will release a statement saying that you are happily engaged and are so excited to bring a new life into the world. After a couple weeks you will marry. Everyone with me so far?" Pam asked.

Kris nodded but Adam just picked lint off his jeans looking bored out of his mind.

"Adam." Pam warned.

"Yes Pam. Please do continue." Adam said as he rolled his eyes.

Pam looked exasperated but continued "Adam will divorce you Kris after being married for a year. I will release a statement saying that you will remain friends and continue to raise your child together. Everyone understand?"

Kris and Adam nodded at the same time and Pam smiled and said "Okay I think that was a very productive meet-"

Pam was interrupted by the buzzing of Adam's phone. She sighed and sat down next to Kris on the sofa.

"I'm sorry" Adam said as he pulled the phone out of his pocket.

"Hello?" Adam said. "Hey Dad" He smiled when he realized who it was. He missed his father it had been several days since he last talked to him.

As Kris watched Adam talk on the phone he noticed his face change from happy and open to looking annoyed and his brow was furrowed as his father continued to talk.

"Dad, you know I can't deal with this right now. I have enough going on with-"

Adam's  became more angry as his father interrupted him "What, with me? In my house? Why? You know I'm having problems with management and my image. The last thing I need is someone like that living in my house. .. and you know how I feel about him." Adam said the last word in between gritted teeth. Kris could see fire in Adam’s eyes as he spoke.

He paused as he listened to his father. "Okay fine but Kristopher is moving in with me. He needs to know that. Okay, see you. Bye."

Adam rubbed his face and let out a growl. He breathed in and out for several minutes before he looked at the two people sitting on the couch and said "My fucking addict cousin is moving in my fucking house, too. Great, this is really, really, great!"

Three days later Kris moved in with Adam, his mother cried as she watched him pack his things. He could tell she wanted to tell him to stay but she wisely decided not to voice her concern.

Kris wasn't happy about moving in with Adam either but he would do anything for his child.  All he knew about Adam was what the tabloids said about him and the few times they had met after they had sex it proved to him that the tabloids were exactly right, he was an arrogant jerk who had no manners at all.

Adam was not there when he showed up at his house, Pam was the one who showed him around and settled him into his room. She left after an hour and he was alone in a house that was three times the size of the house his parents were renting, he felt so lost and small in Adam's house. He didn't know what to do with himself so he decided to wait for Adam to come home.

Kris woke up on the couch many hours later when he heard the front door slam shut, he immediately jumped up and before he could even make it out of the living room to see who it was Adam was standing in front of him.

"He-hey" Kris greeted him shyly.

Adam just stared at him with eyes that were filled with disgust, so much so that Kris' heart sank. He was hoping that they could live in peace and try to get along for the baby's sake. He realized he was wrong. Adam narrowed his eyes then left the room without a word.

The next day was no different. Kris like he always did woke up early and decided to make breakfast. He was stunned when he walked into the kitchen. It was huge and was so classy, half the appliances were complicated and the other half he had never seen before in his life. He was starving so he decided to make breakfast, he thought about making some for Adam as well. He wasn't sure what he liked or if he even ate in the morning. Kris decided to make it anyway and if Adam didn't like it he would eat it for him. His biggest problem was the coffeemaker, it was ridiculously big and complex so many of the button were in French, he tried to operate it anyway.

He was startled when he heard the scraping of the dining room chair on the hardwood floor. He looked up and tried not to smile when he saw Adam, his hair was a mess and going in twenty different directions.

"D-do you like breakfast? I made you a plate." Kris said as he took it out of the oven where he put it so it would stay warm.

Adam just stared at it and didn't say a word. Kris thought maybe he didn't like the sausage or eggs he made.

"Um, there is also toast. If you want that instead." Kris said hesitantly.

Adam continued to stare at it like he had never seen toast or egg before. Kris didn't know what to say or do and was about to take the food away when he was surprised by Adam's hand slamming down on the table.

"Oh my god!" Adam ran to the coffeemaker and unplugged it. "My coffeemaker! What the hell did you do to it? It's destroyed!!"

Kris was so stunned he couldn't move, the black cloud of smoke was coming from the machine and looked like it might have exploded had Adam not unplugged it.

"You are here for a day and you already broke something. Damn it!" Adam yelled and the look on his face scared Kris so much that he was trembling in the middle of the kitchen.

Kris decided to spend the day in his room  away from Adam and his temper. By late afternoon his stomach was growling and he needed to eat. He didn't want to go downstairs to have to deal with Adam but he had to eat regularly to make sure him and the baby stayed healthy.  Adam terrified him but he was starving and he couldn't wait any longer. When he made it to the kitchen he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Adam sitting at the table eating a sandwich. As soon as he saw Kris he gave him a dirty look then returned to eating his sandwich.

Kris wanted to run back to his room but his stomach growled again, he took a deep breath and walked slowly to the kitchen counter and opened the refrigerator looking for something that interested him. He finally settled on salad, fruit and a bottled water. He decided to eat out on the patio in the backyard. He refused to share a table with Adam who would only give him dirty looks and make him uncomfortable.

His stomach finally felt better when he finished his meal, he jumped when he heard the front door slam shut. He sighed in relief not having to deal with Adam the rest of the day, it was exhausting and stressful and that wasn't good for his baby.

He stayed on the patio for a long time, Adam had a beautiful garden filled with so many exotic plants. Kris knew he would spend hours out there enjoying the flowers and peace and quiet.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he jumped when someone opened the patio door. A tall man with long ginger hair walked out and looked at Kris, he had no idea who this man but he certainly was attractive.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I scare you?" The man asked.

Kris nodded and nervously asked "Who are you? Adam is not here." He wondered how this man got in the house and that Adam needed better security.

"It's okay. I'm Jeffrey Lambert, call me Jeff. I'm Adam's cousin. I hope someone mentioned to you that I would be living here as well." Jeff extended his hand, Kris accepted and shook it. "You must be Kris."

"Yeah, Kris Allen." He realized that this was who Adam was talking to his father on the phone the other day in Pam's office. He hoped that Jeff was nothing like his cousin because he couldn't deal with two rude Lamberts in the same house.

"You're my cousin's fiancée huh? Who would have thought that Adam would be tamed and finally settle down? He must be head over heels in love with you."

Kris blushed, how could he explain to Jeff that he was not Adam's boyfriend and he was not in love with him. He may be Adam's fiancée but he definitely did not tamed him. Adam hated his guts and only did this because he was having his baby. Jeff sat on the chair across from Kris and locked eyes with him.

"We, um, we are not, I mean he isn't in love with me." Kris stuttered. Kris didn't want to tell this man he just met his personal business but he knew he would eventually have no choice.

"You two are getting married, right?" Jeff asked. He was clearly confused and Kris couldn't really blame him. It was a lot to take in all at once.

Kris looked at him with sadness in his eyes "Yeah, for the sake of my baby and for his career."

Jeff nodded and quickly stood up. "Oh, um, well I guess I'll see you around." Jeff looked uncomfortable as he ran his fingers through his shoulder length wavy hair.

Kris thought Jeff and Adam had a lot of similarities. They had the same beautiful smile with a pearly white smile and the same eye color. He wasn't as tall as Adam but came pretty close.

"Um, Do you need help carrying your bags upstairs?" Kris asked.

"Oh, no. I moved in three days ago. My things are already settled in my room, but thanks anyway."

Jeff looked down for a moment and shyly asked "You want to eat? I can cook, I'm not really that good at it but I can make simple things. I would like to get to know my future cousin in law."

Kris's stomach growled at the prospect of more food. He nodded and went back into the kitchen. He thought maybe with Jeff staying with them things wouldn't be so bad. He was down to earth and easy going the total opposite of Adam.

"So Kris, what do you do?" Jeff asked as they sat at the kitchen table eating the tuna sandwich they prepared together. Kris had to admit Jeff made a good sandwich and his baby seemed to agree.

"I'm a college student. I just transferred from a college in Arkansas. I'm in my third year getting a degree in Business Administration. How about you?"

"Well I-I, um, I just got out of rehab." He looked down at his sandwich with a frown. "Hope it doesn't bother you living with a recovering addict."

Kris immediately grabbed his hand and squeezed it. He smiled at him. "No, of course it doesn't bother me. I hope it doesn't bother you that I am marrying Adam solely for the sake of my baby's future."

Jeff looked up and smiled at Kris. "I'm not in the position to judge anyone. Besides I feel like you are a really good man, Kris. You are making the best out of a bad situation."

Jeff paused and Kris arched an eyebrow waiting for him to continue. "Please don't be offended but I just need to know, is this Adam's baby?"

"Yes, it is."

Jeff nodded and they returned to eating there dinner in comfortable silence. After they ate they watched a ridiculous horror movie that had them laughing so hard tears were running down their face. Kris fell asleep the minute his head hit the pillow. It was the best night's sleep he had since the horrible night Adam Lambert came into his life.

The next day Kris woke up at one in the afternoon and walked downstairs to the kitchen and saw Shirley installing a new coffeemaker.  

Shirley looked up and smiled "Hi sweetie, how are you?"

Kris grunted and reached for a coffee cup, Shirley had left on the counter.

Shirley laughed and said "I'd say you aren't a morning person but seeing that it's past noon. I'll say you aren't an afternoon person. How's that?"

Kris ignored her and reached for the coffee maker, he needed his caffeine before he could have a intelligent conversation.

He jumped when Shirley slapped his hand away from the coffee.

"Sweetie you know you can't have coffee. It's not good for the baby."

Kris sighed and put the cup down. "Sorry, I forgot."  The next eight months were going to suck without his coffee. He would suck it up for his baby but he didn't have to be happy about it.

"That's okay, I know how hard it was when I was pregnant. Believe me honey, it gets better." Shirley assured him and continued "Anyway I came to pick you up, you need to hurry up, eat and get dressed. Do you remember today is the first official appearance  with Adam in public?"

"Damn, I forgot." Kris immediately started rushing through his morning routine, with all the upheaval and meeting Jeff yesterday he forgot all about the plans to have lunch with Adam at a popular restaurant that celebrities went to, which pretty much guaranteed the news of their relationship would spread quickly thanks to the many paparazzi that hung around the establishment.

Adam had a photo shoot and refused to pick him up at home so Shirley had to drop him off at the photo shoot location, and as soon as Adam got in the car he started bitching to Shirley about how he didn't want to do this and he hated her and Pam.

Shirley turned around to talk to Kris before she got out of the car. "Don't worry, sweetie. Everything will be okay." She squeezed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile. "Bye honey."

Adam got in the car and glared at Kris as he sat in the passenger's seat. He refused to speak to him as they drove. Kris did not say anything either because he was terrified of what Adam would say to him. He didn't need to be more upset than he already was, he had to look his best for the press.

When they pulled up to the restaurant Adam's whole demeanor changed, Kris was stunned at how easily Adam could switch from cold asshole to caring loving boyfriend.

Adam walked around to Kris' side of the car and opened the door for him, he kissed his temple and whispered into his ear "You must be loving this, huh, Kristopher?"  To the outside world it would look like he had whispered something loving instead of the hurtful, nasty words.

Kris' heart clenched as he realized Adam still thought of him as an attention whore. He took a deep breath and put on the best performance of his life. He looked up at Adam and smiled sweetly, they held gazes for a moment to make sure it was all caught on camera. Kris realized that was the first time they had looked at each other for more than several seconds. Kris had mixed emotions. How could this beautiful man who he had a crush on for years and was the father of his child treat him like he was trash? Adam despised him, insulted him every chance he got and terrified him so much he shivered every time Adam spared a glance at him.

For a moment Kris thought he saw softness in Adam's eyes, a look that made him feel safe, but that moment passed when Adam leaned down and whispered "If I were you, Kristopher, I wouldn't get too used to this shit. This will be fucking over as soon as YOUR baby pops" then He kissed Kris right on the mouth in front of all the cameras. The shot they both knew would be all over the papers and television later that day.

Adam grabbed his hand as they walked to the restaurant but as soon as they entered he let go of Kris' hand like it was on fire. Kris tried to eat but the tension at their table was so palpable he couldn't, his stomach hurt too much, it made him miss the easy dinner last night with Jeff.

After dinner Adam put on his "I'm a great boyfriend face" and they walked out of the restaurant holding hands, Kris was actually grateful for that because the flashing lights of the cameras were making it hard for him to see where he was going, Kris knew it was all for show but he was grateful that Adam got him through the mob with his limbs still attached .

Adam wouldn't speak to him the whole car ride so he had no idea where they were going until they pulled up at a night club. Adam handed the keys to the valet and quickly guided Kris away from the paparazzi surrounding  them.

When they entered the club Adam looked around, when he found who he was looking for he didn't even bother to look at Kris as he walked away. Kris had already been insulted and embarrassed by Adam enough the past three days that he refused to follow Adam like a love sick puppy. He decided to sit at the bar and people watch, he wanted a beer but since he was pregnant he asked for a glass of water.

He refused to search for Adam in the crowd and just focused on his water wishing he could go home and hang out with Jeff. He jumped when he felt a hand land on his shoulder. The man was small possibly even smaller than Kris, brown hair and a chiseled jaw. Kris thought he was very sparkly.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." The man smiled and offered his hand to Kris "I'm Brad. Adam's friend. You're Kris, right?"

Kris was stunned that this gorgeous man knew who he was but he shouldn't have been surprised since he was obviously Adam's friend.  "Yeah, I'm Kris. How are you?"

"I'm fine" Brad answered. "Why are you over here?  Adam is on the couches with the rest of our friends. Come join us."

Brad noticed Kris’ hesitation and took his hand, squeezing it letting him know that it was okay and he was there for him. Brad had kind eyes and it set Kris' nerves at ease.

As soon as Adam saw Brad and Kris walking towards him he stopped talking to his other friends and gave Brad a death glare that would have scared the crap out of a lesser man. Brad just ignored him and introduced Kris to the rest of their friends. Kris could feel the tension in the air, it was like it was choking him, but Brad made him feel welcome grabbing him by the hand, making him sit between him and someone named Cassidy.

After a few awkward moments everyone went back to what they were doing before Kris came to sit with them. Brad was a really nice guy who was very entertaining. Kris wondered if he even stopped to take a breath, he never knew anyone who talked so much. He didn't think he laughed as much as he had with Brad. He even forgot that Adam was a few feet away but every time he turned to look in that direction Adam would look at him like he was trash and didn't belong with them.

An hour later Brad cleared his throat and said "I'm sorry, I have to cut out early. I have to catch a flight  in the morning."

Kris nodded and looked down at the club floor. He didn't want to be alone in the club waiting for Adam to berate him again.

"Don't worry honey, everything will be fine. Adam isn't a  dick all the time. He is a very guarded person. He's been burned by too many people, to many times." Brad leaned down to give Kris a hug, as he walked away he looked back at Kris trying to cover up the worry he felt for him. Kris was a good guy and he didn't want Adam to ruin him.

Kris decided it was to awkward to sit with Adam and his friends so he went to sit at the bar again and ordered another glass of water. At one point he looked on the dance floor and saw Adam grinding against a man and licking his neck. His heart clenched at the sight.

 _"Oh come on, Kris"_  He thought " _It's not like he promised you the moon and stars. He doesn't care about you or how you feel. Get over it."_

Kris had enough of watching Adam grind against guy after guy so he decided to pee and wash his face. He was getting tired, it was nearly two am. He was so tired lately, pregnancy was really taking a toll on him. All he wanted to do was go home, when he walked back into the club to tell Adam he wanted to go home, he couldn't find him.  Kris tried not to panic as he looked all over the club for him. He wasn't on the couches or the back room of the club or in any of the stalls in the bathroom.

 _"Did he just leave me here?"_ Kris thought.

As he walked outside he recognized the valet that took Adam's car early that night. Kris walked up to him and said "Hi, sorry for bothering you but did you see Adam Lambert leave?"

The man had a look of pity in his eyes when he answered "He left with his friends about ten minutes ago. I'm sorry."

Kris almost started to cry but refused to break down in front of the man, instead he called a cab and waited in the cold night air.

When the cab came he sat in the back seat and thought about the whole day. Kris couldn't stop the tears as they flowed down his cheeks. He bit his lip trying not to sob in front of a cab driver.

 _"How could he just leave me there? I know he doesn't care about me, but what about our baby?"_ Kris asked himself.

He couldn't hold back the sobs when he remembered Adam's words from the restaurant "If I were you Kristopher, I wouldn't get too used to this. This will be fucking over as soon as YOUR baby pops."

 _"YOUR baby"_ Kris realized _. "Not our baby, he doesn't care about his baby, so why would he wait for me at the club. He hates our baby."_  with that realization Kris sobbed uncontrollably in the back of the cab. The driver look concerned but did not ask any questions, he knew better.

He was so emotionally drained that all he wanted to do was go to bed and forget about the horrible day and night. As he walked up the stairs he saw Jeff in the living room. Jeff smiled but as soon as he saw the look on Kris' face he knew something was wrong.

He rushed over to Kris and asked "Are you okay? What happened."

Kris tried to smile and say everything was okay but Jeff knew him better than that and replied. "You are anything but okay."

Jeff grabbed him by the hand and led him to the kitchen making him sit in the chair as he made them both tea. They sat in silence for several minutes until Jeff asked "Now, tell me what happened? I thought you were out with Adam."

Kris sighed and started to talk. "Today was horrible. I hated lying to everyone, Adam is so loving when the media is around but as soon as we are alone he makes me feel  worthless and like a whore."

Jeff sat down in the chair next to Kris and held him in his arms as Kris continued  "He hates me and he hates the baby. He left me all alone at the club. He makes me cry every day, I'm so tired of crying, Jeff. I'm tired, so tired."

Jeff held him tight as Kris broke down in his arms. He didn't know what to say to him to make it better so he just said the only thing he could think of "I'm so sorry, baby. It will get better, he's just scared."

Kris didn't believe it would get better, he had a feeling it would only get worse. He didn't know if he could handle anymore, his baby didn't deserve it.

The next day when Kris went back to school the paparazzi were out in full force again, he regretted turning down Shirley's offer to drive him to school instead of walking. Thank goodness for Charles, he had a heavy build who could move practically everything with no problem.

When he arrived home he was so tired and stressed that he thought about going to bed in the middle of the day but decided to make dinner for everyone. For as long as Kris could remember cooking always made him relax. It gave him time to calm his nerves and he needed that especially the past month.

As he was chopping vegetables he couldn't help but think about his Mama, he thought about calling her but he knew as soon as she heard his voice she would know something was wrong. He called her once a day since he moved in with Adam and he could always tell by the tone of her voice that she was worried and scared for him but didn't want to tell him. He just couldn't deal with that today.

He was so involved in what he was doing that he nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard a door slam and raised voices in the foyer. He knew immediately it was Adam and Jeff arguing. He sighed as he walked towards the fight, he really didn't want to deal with this anymore. When he made it to the foyer he saw the two men glaring at each other. They were mere inches apart, noses almost touching, eyes blazing and jaws clenched tight.

"You're a dick, Adam! How could you do that to him? He's pregnant for fuck's sake!" Jeff screamed in Adam's face.

"This is rich. Jeffrey Lambert calling me a dick. Did you forget what you did to me? You are lucky I let you in my house. I'll tell you this Jeffrey, I do as I please, and no one especially not a addict like you, can change that. Now if you are done, I want to fucking sleep." Adam turned to head up the stairs and noticed Kris standing in the hallway. They locked eyes for several seconds but seeing the fury in Adam's gaze, Kris dropped his gaze and looked at the floor.

As soon as Adam walked past him, Kris was at Jeff's side "Hey, you okay? You didn't have to do that." Jeff glanced down at him, his hands were still clenched but he smiled at Kris.

"I know, but I wanted to. He needs someone to knock some sense into his stubborn ass."

Kris sighed and said "Thank you, but I don't want you two to fight because of me."

"Believe me, you aren't the reason we fight. He still can't forgive me for what happened bef-" Jeff stopped himself and looked at Kris hesitantly.

"What do you mean?" Kris asked.

Jeff was shaking his and Kris could see sadness in his eyes. "Can you just forget I said anything? I'm not comfortable talking about it."

Kris nodded, he understood, they just met and he wouldn't feel comfortable telling a stranger his secrets either, well if he had any. Kris decided to change the subject, he wanted Jeff to feel comfortable.

"I made dinner, do you want to eat with me?" Kris asked. Jeff glanced down at him again and Kris noticed he had the same intense look in his eyes as his famous cousin.

"Sure, What did you make?" Jeff asked as they walked side by side to the kitchen.

"My Mama's chicken casserole." Kris said with pride in his voice.

"Man, that sounds delicious." Jeff exclaimed. "I could get used to this. I haven't eaten like this in years."

After dinner they sat in the living room, Jeff watching television while Kris went over his notes from his classes that day. It was a comfortable silence, neither man felt the need to talk and Kris appreciated that. He wasn't up for any heavy conversations.  When Kris went to bed he fell asleep immediately, the baby and stress of the day made him feel so exhausted.

The next day Kris made breakfast as usual, he always left a plate for Adam in the oven  but so far it had never been touched. Kris wasn't sure if Adam didn't trust him with his food, like he thought maybe Kris would poison it. He had left a plate of chicken casserole the night before and expected to be there in the morning but he was pleasantly surprised to see that it was gone. He looked in the garbage can to see if Adam threw it away but there was nothing in it.

Kris smiled to himself and thought. _"Adam ate my food."_  As soon as Kris realized he was grinning like a crazy person he chided himself for acting like a teenage girl. Kris went back to making breakfast but he couldn't help doing a little happy dance.

While flipping pancakes Adam walked in and Kris tensed, he didn't want a fight so early in the morning. Adam walked past Kris and took out orange juice from the refrigerator, drank it straight from the carton and slammed it down on the counter. Kris could feel Adam's eyes on him as he continued to prepare breakfast. He let out a sigh of relief when Jeff walked in.

"Good morning everyone!"

Kris smiled and replied "Morning, just in time to eat. Take a seat."

Adam glared at the other men as they talked about random things. When Kris placed the pancakes on the table, he gave a huff of disgust. Kris grimaced as he realized no matter what he did Adam would find fault with it.

As soon as he was finished eating he left the table without saying anything to the others. _"Why bother"_ He thought _"They probably won't even notice I left. Too wrapped up in themselves."_

That same afternoon his phone rang and before he could even say hello, Brad was bitching him out for leaving Kris at the club.

"How did you even find out about that? You weren't even there." Adam asked. He was so irritated with this whole situation. He couldn't wait to get the whore out of his life.

 _"As soon as that baby pops he can get the fuck out of my life"_ Adam thought.  Adam listened to Brad ranting for several minutes until he couldn't take it anymore.

"Brad, stop bitching. Kristopher didn't seem to care that I left him. Why are you making a mountain out of a mole hill? We aren't a real couple. Stop nagging me. It's not like I beat him or something. I have a headache and you are making it worse!"  Adam exclaimed.

"You are an asshole, Adam. At least show some concern for him. He doesn't deserve to be treated that way." Brad said trying to reason out.

"He agreed to this, Bradley." Adam said exasperated "It is his fault that we are in this mess, so either he takes it or he leaves. If he can't take it he can get the fuck out of my house. I really don't care."

"You don't know what you are missing. Kris is a great guy. I hope one day he finds a man who truly loves him and his child. He deserves that, he deserves better than you." Brad said then promptly hung up.

 _"Whatever, I can't wait to get him out of my house_ " Adam thought as he walked up to his room for a much needed nap.  
The next several weeks were so intense for Kris. He and Adam were seen out in public almost every night trying to show everyone they were a happy couple. Kris could tell by looking at the pictures in the magazines that over time his acting skills improved, it became easy for him to fool everyone. Kris realized he was changing and almost to the point he couldn't recognize himself. He was compromising everything he was taught at a young age.

Kris made a point to keep his routine the same at home. He always prepared breakfast, went to school came home and cooked dinner (If they weren't scheduled to go out), then watch television or play video games with Jeff. The routine made him feel safe. He needed that amongst the turmoil of the rest of his life.

One of the things that made Kris happy was Adam continued to eat the food he left him in the oven. It was something small that Kris could hold on to. Adam still insulted him and made horrible comments but Kris tried to not let it get to him. After every dinner date Kris always made sure to ask Adam if he planned to go out somewhere, He didn't want to go through what he went through at the night club. If Adam said yes he would drop Kris off somewhere to catch a cab home.

 _"He can't even bother to drive me home"_ Kris thought and almost cried the first time Adam left him on the corner of the street.

Kris would always find Jeff in the living room whenever he arrived home. He would always sit and talk with Kris until he was too tired to keep his eyes open, It really made Kris feel more at home, at peace and to feel cared for. He was so thankful someone in Adam's house actually cared about him and his baby's well being.

  
Eventually the announcement of the engagement and their wedding date was announced, the paparazzi became more intense as soon as the statement was released, so much so that Adam had to comment as they came out of a restaurant

"Yeah, even Kris and I sometimes think that everything happened so fast. We met, got along so well, started dating and then BAM! I proposed, he accepted and here we are."  Adam said as he glanced down  at Kris who was tucked under his arm and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "We're getting married and so damn in love."

Kris was stunned at how much acting ability his fiancée possessed. If he wasn't involved he would actually believe him.

"Excuse us guys, my fiancée is starving so we are going to head in. Thank you all." Adam said as he grabbed Kris' hand and walked into the restaurant

After that public announcement Kris rarely left the house, he couldn't even go to school because he was surrounded by press and a camera in his face every step he took. Shirley arranged a car for him, with a driver but that didn't really help because as soon as he stepped out he would get tossed around by a million photographer's in his face. He found a new bruise daily. He was so concerned about the baby that he decided it was best not to go out anymore.

  
The wedding day finally arrived and Kris had to admit the wedding planner did an amazing job. It was held in Adam's backyard with just family and friends. It wasn't all that glamorous if you based it on Adam's standards but to Kris it was perfect.

 _"Of course Adam won't care if it's glamorous or not because we'll only be married for a year."_ Kris' heart twisted at the thought, he agreed with his family that marriage should be forever and the fact that wouldn't be the case with him hurt him so much.

Kris stood behind the closed door to the back patio, waiting for his cue to walk outside. He had been in his room all day and had not seen Adam yet. He did finally meet Adam's parents who graciously congratulated him. His mother and brother Daniel visited later and tried to set his mind at ease but it didn't help and his hands were still shaking like they had been all day.

When the wedding planner gave him to cue to walk outside he opened the door and saw about fifty people standing around the lawn and near the garden, his favorite place on Adam's property. He saw Adam standing at the end of the aisle watching him with a discerning eye. He was wearing a black suit with a white shirt, hair combed back in perfection.  As Kris walked he smiled at all the guests. Kris was literally glowing in the afternoon sun in his white suit. He looked stunning and  if you did not know the true circumstances as to why they were really getting married he looked happy.

As he looked at the audience he saw some people he recognized, Cassidy and Alisan, some people from Adam's manager Pam and Shirley. When he saw Brad he couldn't help but wave  and smile wide at him. He saw his friend Charles and Jeff standing together and behind them he saw HIM. It was Drake Adam's boyfriend _"Or ex-boyfriend?"_ Kris wondered. His eyes grew wide, _why would he be here?_

 _"Well, maybe Adam invited him to be nice."_ Kris rationalized to himself.

When the ceremony ended they kissed passionately and of course the audience ate it up, they had become skilled actors. At the reception everything continued to go according to plan. They ate, danced and even kissed passionately when the crowd chanted "Kiss, kiss, kiss!!" Kris almost started crying when he saw the look of hope in his mother's eyes when she saw them kiss. Kris even had fun dancing with Brad, and he even noticed Drake just stood in the corner and talked to Cassidy the whole night.

"Kris, honey have you seen Adam? I want to say goodbye." asked Leila, Adam's mom.

The party was winding down and everyone was starting to leave and wanted to say goodbye to the newlyweds. Kris had been alone for at least an hour and was getting tired of people asking where Adam was, so they could say goodbye.

Kris looked around the dance floor hoping to find him but did not see him. "I don't know, He's probably upstairs sleeping. He's been so tired the last few days." Kris winced as he lied. It was becoming easier and easier and he hated lying to everyone in his life.

Kris walked away and looked in almost every room of the house before he reached Adam's bedroom, he hesitated before he opened the door, he had never set foot in Adam's room and really didn't want to get yelled at by him for invading his personal space. He knew he had to suck it up and go in, Adam would be mad if he didn't say goodbye to his mother.

"Adam?" He called out softly as he turned the knob and peered inside.

  
The room was pure Adam, glamorous, gaudy and glittery. A huge four poster bed was in the center of the room with black satin sheets and red satin pillows strewn all over it.

Kris felt sad as he looked at the bed. _"Why?"_ he thought.

 _"It's hormones, yep that's what it is."_ He rationalized.

As he turned to leave he heard a thud coming from the bathroom.

"Adam?" he called again.

As he walked closer he heard another noise but much louder. He worried that Adam might have fallen and hurt himself but when he opened the door he saw something he did not expect. His husband was making out with his ex-boyfriend on their wedding day.

Kris knew he shouldn't feel like his heart was being ripped out but he did, their marriage might not be real to Adam but it was for Kris. They got married in front of God and all their friends. They said vows and Kris' truly thought Adam would honor those and respect the sanctity of marriage but he obviously didn't.

Kris was numb all over and tried not to cry as he watched his husband of seven hours make out with his ex boyfriend while their friends and family sat downstairs celebrating their love for each other.  It hit him that this  was his life now  and it would never change.

Kris felt like he was going to faint as he watched Adam and Drake make out on the bathroom counter. Adam's hair products were strewn all over the floor and Drake legs were wrapped around Adam's waist. Their hair was disheveled and suits were half on.  Adam must have heard Kris gasp because he slowly put Drake on the ground and turned to look at Kris with disdain in his eyes. Adam smirked as he watched Kris fight not to cry.

 _"The motherfucker is smirking. I can't believe the gall."_ Kris seethed to himself.

Kris wanted to melt into the ground when Adam turned around and laid a passionate kiss on Drake's lips. When he was finished he turned to look at Kris without any trace of guilt in his eyes. He actually looked quite happy with himself.

"Don't tell me you are acting like a betrayed, jealous wife, Kristopher. You know better than anyone else who attended this pathetic excuse for a wedding that it wasn't real. Get that in your head."

Kris tried to hold back the tears, he refused to cry in front of these monsters he wouldn't give them the satisfaction. He couldn't trust himself to speak so he just stood there and looked them both in the eyes.

Drake finally spoke up and said "You get it now, Kris?"

Adam looked exasperated as he said "What are you doing? You plan on standing there all night?" Drake snorted and Adam turned to look at him with a gleam of amusement in his eyes.

Kris looked at the floor and felt his chest tighten. This really hurt, a single tear fell down his cheek without his consent. He wiped it off quickly as he turned to walk out of the room.

"I came to tell you your mother is looking for you, she wants to say goodbye." Kris winced when he heard the hurt in his voice. He hated that he was giving Adam the satisfaction in knowing that he hurt him.

Adam grabbed Drake's hand and walked past him saying "Come on honey, let's say goodbye to my parents."

Kris stood in the middle of Adam's bedroom and let the tears fall freely from his eyes. It should be him Adam called honey and they should be saying goodbye to his parents not Drake.

He tried to act like everything was normal for the sake of his family and by the time everyone left at 2am, the only people awake were Jeff and Kris. Jeff assumed Adam had gone to sleep but Kris knew what he was doing in his bedroom and it wasn't sleeping.

Kris was exhausted but he tossed and turned for hours thinking about what Adam and Drake were doing in his room. After awhile he couldn't stand it anymore and decided to go sit in the living room. He hoped laying on the comfortable sofa would help him sleep.

Kris was startled awake by a soft touch on his back, when he looked up it was Jeff looking at him with worry in his eyes.

"Hey, why are you sleeping down here?"

"Um, I couldn't sleep so I came down here to watch some television, I guess I fell asleep." Kris explained.

Jeff watched him for several minutes then asked "Kris, have you been crying?"

Kris lied "No, I'm just tired."

Kris could feel Jeff didn't believe him but let out a sigh of relief when Jeff nodded and said "Okay, let's go to bed then."

Kris nodded as they walked up the stairs. He hoped he would be able to sleep but his mind would not shut up.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jeff yelled at Drake.

It was nine in the morning and Kris had a massive headache, he wanted to go back to bed as soon as he saw Drake walk into the kitchen with a huge smile on his face.

"What? I slept with Adam." Drake said nonchalantly "You have a problem with that?"

"Yes actually I do."

Kris' headache was getting worse as the fight continued around him.

"Well talk it up with Adam." Drake said as he grabbed some orange juice out of the refrigerator.

"What's going on?" Adam asked as he walked into the kitchen.

Drake sighed and said. "Your cousin has a problem with me sleeping here."

"Have you forgotten where you stand, Jeffrey? Do I need to remind you again? I think the drugs toasted your brain and you have short term memory loss."  Adam sneered at his cousin like he was garbage under his feet.

Jeff suddenly dropped the fork he was holding and lunged at Adam but before he could reach him Drake jumped in front of him and grabbed his arm.

"You're going to punch me? You are fucking ingrate!! I let you stay in my fucking house and that's how you treat me." Adam yelled.

"Yes, I would make your fucking face bleed. You fucking asshole! How could you do this in front of your husband?" Jeff was so angry his face was turning beet red.

"He's not my husband and he never will be my husband in the true sense of the word. He fucking knows that so keep your fucking mouth shut and mind your fucking business."

"ENOUGH!!" Kris shouted.

Three pairs of eyes stared at him in disbelieve. They had never heard Kris raise his voice before. He was usually so painfully shy and tried not to cause any trouble.

"Jeff, he's right. What we have is not real. I agreed to this arrangement and all the pain it brings" Kris stood to walk out the door and whispered "Let them do whatever they want."

As he walked out the door he could hear Jeff and Adam continue to fight but he tried to ignore it as he walked to his room locked the door and hopefully fall asleep. He woke up when he heard a soft knock at the door. He noticed when he looked at the clock it was late afternoon. When he opened the door he saw Jeff holding a tray of food with a worried look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry for this morning." Jeff said sadly.

Kris shook his head and hugged Jeff as tight as he could. "Thank you." Kris whispered as tears fell steadily from his eyes.

"For what? I didn't do anything." Jeff asked as he ran his fingers through Kris' hair.

"You have done so much for me, Jeff. I think I would have gone crazy if you weren't here. I'd be alone and beyond miserable." Kris squeezed Jeff's hand and sat on the bed.

"You're welcome but I don't think you should allow Adam to do this to you. It isn't right."  Jeff ran his thumb up and down Kris' palm hoping to soothe Kris. He could tell Kris was beyond upset but trying to hide it from him. He knew him better than that.

Kris sighed and ran his hand through his hair "Jeff, He's right. He doesn't love me, heck he doesn't even like me. This will be over soon, before we know it the baby will be here and Adam will kick my ass out. He can be with the person he truly loves."

"Real or not, you are still legally married. I honestly don't know that he become this dick. I fucked everything up for him. This is all my fault." Jeff shook his head and sighed. It hurt him knowing he was responsible for Adam’s behavior.

"I'm tired." Kris yawned. He wanted to ask Jeff what he meant, but he was really tired from the drama.

"Me too. Get in bed." Jeff ordered.

Kris smiled as he fell asleep in Jeff's arms. He was a good friend and at this moment Kris needed all the friends he could get.

From then on Drake spent every night with Adam, making sure he left early in the morning before any neighbors or paparazzi were around to see it. They really didn't need the scandal. Kris either hid in his room all day or sat in the garden. The paparazzi still hounded him when he went back to class but not as much as before the wedding.

After awhile another Hollywood scandal erupted at they were finally left alone. He still had a driver because Shirley insisted, it annoyed him because he knew how to drive and was quite capable of doing so but she refused to listen. He was beyond annoyed as he waited for the car to pick him up on campus. The new driver Shirley had hired was always late and rude when he eventually did show up. Kris was surprised when he saw Jeff's car pull up beside him.

"Hey" Kris said with a bright smile on his face "Why are you here? What happened to Rex?"  Not that Kris cared where Rex went, he'd be happy to never see the driver again.

"He had to run an errand. Shirley called me to see if I could come get you. Hope it's okay." Jeff smiled hesitantly.

"No, it's not okay" Kris laughed when he saw the look on Jeff's face. "I'm joking!!  Of course it's okay. Actually I'm glad you came because I need to go somewhere and I haven't had time or company..."  Kris blushed and looked at his feet.  
"Oh, sure. You know you can always ask me to take you places. I don't mind." Jeff assured Kris.

Kris blushed and looked at his hands in his lap. He hated to bother Jeff because he worked long hours at the shoe store downtown and was always so tired when he got home.

"Yeah, I know. Um I need to buy some more clothes. Nothing fits anymore." Kris continued to blush as he talked, it was embarrassing telling Jeff he was gaining weight even if it was from the baby.

"Alright, to the mall we go! Buckle up baby, we are in for a bumpy ride." Jeff exclaimed which made Kris laugh so hard he was crying.

They made it home four hours later with arms full of bags. Kris was exhausted but had an amazing time hanging and laughing with Jeff. When they walked in with the bags they found Adam and Drake cuddling on the couch watching a repeat of Gossip Girl.

"Hey, we went to the mall. Kris needed new clothes." Jeff said to Adam. He refused to even acknowledge Drake and refused to be in the same room with him alone. He thought he was a home wrecking asshole.

Adam looked at the bags and nodded his head. When he turned back to his program Kris took that as a dismissal and decided to leave the room.

Kris sighed and said "C'mon let's put these away, then I'll cook dinner.’’ Jeff nodded and followed Kris up the stairs.

  
As the days went by Kris and Jeff became closer especially because of what was happening in their house. Kris tried to act nonchalant and unaffected but having to see Drake every day. Instead of making food for three, he made it for four. Jeff stopped arguing with Adam about his infidelity but the look in his eyes every time he looked at Drake showed how his feelings had never changed.

Every night the four men sat on opposite sides of the table, each lost in their own conversations. Adam and Drake would whisper and kiss while on the other side of the table Kris and Jeff would laugh and joke between bites of their meal.

Jeff always helped Kris prepare dinner and he really enjoyed the company. He was really glad he had Jeff in the house, they always had something to talk about and when they didn't there were no awkward silences. Adam would always give them pointed looks when they burst out in a fit of giggles. Kris honestly didn't care, if he had to watch Adam and Drake kiss, cuddle and feed each other at the table then he'd have to put up with Kris and Jeff being goofy.

One night after a pretty stressful week, Kris cleared his throat and waited for Adam to look up from his pie Kris had made for dessert. "I would like to spend the weekend with my parents. I'll leave tomorrow night and be back Sunday afternoon. Is that okay?"

Kris heart twisted when Adam just shrugged his shoulders and resumed eating his pie. Obviously he didn't care if Kris left or came back. He shouldn't have been surprised but for some reason it still hurt him.

"You need a ride, Kris? I could drive you." Jeff offered.

"Yeah sure, thanks Jeff" Kris said gratefully.

"I can pick you up as well."

"Cool" Kris said as he got up to clear the dinner and dessert dishes off the table. He couldn't wait to see his family.

The next day after making a short stop at Adam's house to pick up his overnight bag, he and Jeff headed to his parents house. His mom happily engulfed him in a hug that nearly took his breath away. He noticed how his father and brother missed him as well. That made him feel like a bad son and brother, he'd been avoiding them so they wouldn't see how bad things were with him. Obviously no contact with them at all only made them worry more.

"Come in, you two. Sit down I made some fresh cookies." Kim said happily.

"Um, actually I'm going to head out Mrs. Allen. Thank you, though." Jeff said shyly, before he could even stand Mrs. Allen grabbed his arm and forced him to sit next to Kris.

"Don't be silly. Please stay for dinner. I made plenty, and please call me Kim, Mrs. Allen is my mother in law." Kim said and laughed.

Jeff nodded and sat down with the three other Allen men to watch the football game. They chatted easily throughout the game trading stories and busting each other’s balls about their favorite team. Kris smiled as he watched Jeff and his father debate which college team was better Arkansas Razorbacks or Jeff's team the UCLA bruins. He realized there was no tension between them and his family really liked Jeff. He kind of wished his family could accept Adam as they so easily accepted Jeff.

"Your husband couldn't even give up a little of his precious time to bring you here, could he Kristopher?" Kim asked with disdain in her voice. "Well not that I don't like you Jeff, because I do and I think you are a much better person than your cousin. Are you sure you are related?"

"Mom!" Kris said and gave his mother a warning  glance.

"Don't look at me like that Kristopher. You know it's true. He hasn't changed, he's still rude, arrogant and ill mannered. Tell me the truth Kris, is he treating you right? He isn't abusing you, is he?" Kim asked with concern in her eyes.

All eyes were on him as his mom asked the question. He felt Jeff's eyes staring at him basically begging him to tell his parents the truth but he couldn't do it. "No, of course not. He-he's been good to me so far." Kris answered. He felt horrible for lying to his parents but he couldn't tell them the truth, the future of his baby was too important.

"He better or else we are taking you out of that house." Kris' father warned.

That was the exact reason Kris had lied to them because no matter what the contract said his parents would not tolerate their child being abused in anyway, verbally, physically or mentally. His child was more important than his comfort or happiness.

An uncomfortable silence fell on the table until Daniel told some lame joke about dolphins that made every one relax. The rest of the night went smoothly and Jeff was surprised to realize that he didn't want to leave the Allen household. They were so down to earth and cared about Kris like no else ever could.

Later that night Jeff returned to his house to find Adam and Drake having a late dinner in the kitchen. Jeff smiled to himself when he realized they were eating sandwiches instead of a hot meal. Kris was obviously missed.

"Uh, these are from Kris. His mom made brownies." He put the container on the table. "I'll be in my room" and turned and left. He wanted to have the least amount of contact with Adam as he could until Kris came home.

The next morning Adam woke up and he felt so off. He couldn't figure out why, when he looked at the clock he realized on a normal day he would already be in the kitchen waiting for breakfast, but today he didn't want to be in the kitchen at all. He looked at Drake sleeping soundly next to him and decided maybe if he slept some more he wouldn't feel this way when he woke up later.

When they finally did make it downstairs Drake made a simple breakfast of eggs with toast. Adam was unusually silent which pissed Drake off, he bitched and moaned at Adam all morning until he left for work. By the time Adam left the house he had a splitting headache.

When Adam came home that evening, the house was so quiet. Drake had called saying that he'd be late and not to hold dinner for him. Adam could tell he was still pissed at him so he was relieved that he didn't have to deal with his attitude until later that night.

Jeff and Adam had dinner at the dining room table in complete silence. Adam noticed that Jeff looked sad and kind of lost. He felt the same and couldn't figure out why and it had started after Kris had left. He immediately looked at Kris' chair wishing he was there throwing his head back laughing from something Jeff had said. He shook his head and thought " _I miss Drake, I feel weird because Drake and I are fighting. I don't miss Kristopher._ "

They both jumped when Jeff's cell phone rang. Adam knew exactly who was on the phone by the look on his cousin's face when he looked down to see who was calling him. It was Kris.

"Hey!"

Adam grimaced as he saw the huge grin on his cousin's face. " _I'm not jealous_ " he thought.

"Yeah, I'm okay. How are you doing?"

"Uh-uh" Jeff said after Kris replied. Adam wished he could hear the other side of the conversation when he saw Jeff start laughing, he tried not to stare at him as Jeff stood up and held his phone to his ear with his shoulder while he carried his plate into the kitchen. He continued to talk as he rinsed his dish and put it in the dishwasher to do later.

"You better be, just enjoy yourself. Say goodnight to Kim for me and Neil too. Oh! and tell Daniel I miss him." Jeff laughed. "Okay good night. Take care, Kris."

Later that night Adam couldn't sleep, He couldn't stop thinking about his life. What he had, what he didn't have and what he wanted. He felt he had all the things this life had to offer but all of the sudden he felt like there was something missing.

He rolled over to look at the man sleeping next to him and thought about how he wasn't excited to see him when he came home tonight and that he didn't even miss him at dinner. He realized he did miss someone who would be coming home the next day.

Adam shook his head and thought " _Of course I miss him. He's been in my house for three months. I see him every day and he cooks for me,_ "

Adam thought about how even though he treated Kris like crap he never changed what he did to please Adam. He treated Adam well in spite of everything he had done to him.

 _"That's what I miss. I miss the food and that he's kind of nice to me even if I am an asshole. I don't care about him. I love Drake."_ Adam tried to convince himself.

 _"I love Drake, I love Drake, I love Drake"_ Adam repeated in his head over and over before he fell asleep, maybe when he woke up in the morning he'd believe it.

Adam woke up earlier than he normally did and decided to go for a run. He needed to think and running always helped him find perspective. He ran for awhile and when he finally came home he found Drake and Jeff eating breakfast in the kitchen.

"Hey, everyone!!" Adam laughed when he saw the look of amazement on the two men faces "What?"

"Why are you so happy? Did something happen on your run?" Drake asked suspiciously.

"Nah. Nothing happened, baby. I don't know I just woke up feeling so alive and happy." Adam grabbed some orange juice from the refrigerator and kissed Drake on his temple. "I need to pick up some groceries and run some errands, you wanna come?"

"No, I prefer to sit in the jacuzzi and relax. Take Jeffrey with you." Drake said, tilting his head in Jeff's direction.

Adam was immediately taken aback by Drake's tone but quickly recovered and looked at his cousin. "You up for it, Jeff?"

"Sure" Jeff said tentatively.

They returned home in the late afternoon exhausted from a day of running all over town. As Adam began to prepare dinner, Jeff put the groceries away. He couldn't help the amused look on his face as he watched his cousin chop vegetables.

"What?" Adam asked when he noticed Jeff staring at him.

"Nothing. It's just, really? You are cooking dinner?" He teased.

Adam just nodded and resumed chopping the vegetables. "You want to help?" He asked Jeff.

"Sure." Jeff said and picked up a knife to start cutting up a cucumber.

They worked in comfortable silence for several minutes until Adam asked trying to act nonchalant. "Weren't you supposed to be somewhere?" He knew exactly where Jeff needed to be, he had been thinking about Kris coming home all day.

"Oh goodness I totally forgot." Jeff exclaimed and immediately picked up his phone and keys to head out to pick up Kris at his parents. The moment he picked up the phone it started ringing, scaring them both. When he looked at the caller ID he smiled and said "It's Kris."

Adam nodded and went back to chopping the carrot he had been working on for several minutes.

"Hey, Kris. I'm coming. I'll be there in a few-" He stopped and when Adam looked up he saw Jeff's smile falter.

"Is everything okay? Are you okay? The baby?"

Adam immediately stopped what he was doing and looked at his cousin. _"What if something happened to Kris? Why do I even care?"_ Adam thought.

"Do you need something? Some more clothes? I could bring it to you." Jeff asked.

"Oh, alright. Just take care, okay? Do you still need a ride to school?"

In that moment Adam realized how close Kris really was to Jeff. He had no idea that Kris had stopped letting his driver Rex take him to school. It kind of pissed him off that Kris or Jeff never bothered to tell him that. But they were not talking about stuff like this, he didn’t talk to Kris that much really. And he really didn’t care to know anything about Kris before, so why bother now?

"I'll come over in an hour or so." Jeff paused for a moment listening to Kris then said "Okay, I'll tell him. I'll see you later okay? Bye."

"Something happen?" Adam asked immediately after Jeff hung up.

 _"Why do I sound so worried?"_ Adam thought. _"Kris never bothers to tell me anything anyway. But we never bothered to tell each other anything and he doesn’t even have my phone number. Knock it off Lambert!"_

"His mom is sick and Kris doesn't feel right leaving her, he said he might stay another week." Jeff said as he put his phone in his pocket and started to walk away. "I'm going over there to bring him his school stuff. You eat with Drake, don't wait up. I'll see you later"

After Jeff left, Adam looked at the meal he was preparing and decided to throw it out. He never ate dinner that night and went to bed extremely early especially for him. He tossed and turned all night and didn't fall asleep until dawn _"What the fuck is wrong with me?"_ He thought before he finally drifted off to sleep.

The week dragged without Kris around, Jeff was quiet and withdrawn when he was home for breakfast or dinner. He stayed out most of the time and Adam thought he spent most of his time with Kris and his family. He had a moment of jealousy about Jeff getting to spend so much time with his in laws but immediately squashed that idea. He did not want to spend any time with people who clearly hated him.

When Kris finally arrived home, Adam was not around. He had to attend a function with Pam and would be home late. Kris didn't expect him to be there waiting for him and confess his undying love for him down on one knee. One of the reasons he stayed away so long was he was so tired and hurt having to watch Adam screw around with Drake in front of him. He wanted to forget about everything for a little bit, he wanted to be happy and not feel like he was going to cry every five minutes.

The next day Kris was up early cooking breakfast as he always did when Adam walked in half asleep with his hair in disarray.

"Hey" Kris said softly, he stopped from flipping the pancake and glanced up at Adam. Adam was dead on his tracks too, staring back at Kris. He looked like he couldn’t believe Kris was really there.

"Hey" Adam answered as he walked past Kris and poured himself a cup of coffee.

Adam sat at the kitchen table and watched Kris making breakfast. As he looked he noticed that his stomach was becoming a bit rounder. _"Of course he is getting bigger."_ Adam thought. _"He is probably in his second trimester by now, maybe I should ask him."_

They sat in silence for several minutes until the other two boys walked into the room.

"So, you're back. You were missed." Drake said sarcastically. Adam didn't miss the look of annoyance that his boyfriend gave him before he sat down.

Kris ignored the comment and started talking to Jeff about things that went on at his parent’s house and how much he missed them. The two men blatantly ignored the other men across the table from them. It was easier that way and Kris should be used to it by now. He didn’t even realized that Adam and Drake were eating in silence.

"Well, we should get going if you don't want to be late to your class." Jeff said, interrupting Kris' story about Daniel.

"Okay, but I got to tell you what happened after that. Daniel was totally pissed and...."

 _"He didn't even say goodbye. He is such an ass."_ Adam vented to himself. But they didn’t say goodbyes to each other, so that was normal. What Kris was doing wasn’t out of ordinary. This how it was for them. This how they were in this house.

As the days went on Adam paid more attention to every little thing Kris did or said. He noticed how Kris behaved around Jeff. He was bubbly and open with him while with him he was aloof and quiet. Kris never spoke to him unless Adam asked him a question, which he rarely did.

 _"This is how it's always been, stop making it into something it's not."_ Adam chastised himself.

The weeks went by and things finally became calmer. The public knew about the pregnancy and they were oftentimes seen out in public. Adam's people planned their dinners at places they knew the paparazzi  would easily find them. The public believed they were a happy couple but behind closed doors it was quite the opposite. Kris grew more distant and Adam noticed he was jumpy and twitchy around him. He always looked so nervous and stressed out but as soon as Jeff walked in the room his whole demeanor would change.

One Tuesday afternoon Adam was home alone, he didn't have anything planned for that day so he decided to be lazy and lie on the couch watching television. He was startled by the sound of the front door opening and closing. He wondered who would be home so early in the day when he heard a familiar laugh, It was Kris. He smiled when he heard it, he liked the sound of his laugh. It was contagious.

Adam walked into the foyer to greet Kris who was standing with Jeff. Adam noticed Kris stiffen as soon as he realized Adam was in the same room.

"Hey, Ad. You're home early. You call in sick?" Jeff joked. He knew Adam wasn't sick he just like to mess with his cousin once and awhile. Sometimes, Kris loved to watch them like this. If he didn’t know better, he would say they were best friends.

"I'm entitled to a day off too, you know." Adam said with no malice in his voice. He smiled and continued "Where have you guys been? You sounded so excited, Kris."

Kris was startled to realize that Adam called him _Kris_ not Kristopher. He had never done that before, Kris glanced up at Adam then looked at Jeff with desperation in his eyes.

"Uh, Kris had an appointment with his doctor." Jeff said. saving Kris from having to explain anything to Adam.

Adam instinctively glanced down to Kris' growing belly and fought the urge to reach out and touch it. "Oh" was all Adam could say.

They stood in awkward silence for several seconds neither man knowing what to say, Adam could clearly see how uncomfortable Kris was around him.

"I-I, um, excuse me, I feel tired. I'll just be in my room." Kris said as he walked to the stairs. Both Lambert boys watched him until Kris turned back and looked at his best friend. "Jeff?" Kris shyly asked.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." Kris said with tears in his eyes. He smiled and tried to convey how much his friendship meant to him. He didn't know how he would cope without Jeff in his life helping him every step of the way.  
When Adam walked back in the living room he started to think about what had become of his life in the past several months. He was forced to marry a guy who he despised, He treated Kris so badly not acknowledging him in any way and brought another man in their house and slept with him every night. Now his husband was terrified of him, distant and hated his mere presence.

The more he thought about it, the more confused he became. He was feeling strange lately. His cousin was the one who was acting like he was responsible for the man he married. He took him to school, he took care of Kris when he had any problems and took him to buy new clothes because HIS baby was growing inside of HIS husband and he couldn't fit in the clothes he had already.

 _"Shouldn't that be my place?"_ Adam asked himself. _"I was the one who told him he wasn't really my husband and I didn't consider this my baby. Why would he come to me for any of  these things?"_

Adam sat in the living room for hours thinking about Kris and his baby but by the end of the day he had not come to any conclusion on what to do about it and how to change his behavior.

Several night later Jeff had to work overtime so it was Kris, Adam and Drake having dinner without him. Kris never said a word for most of the meal and just picked at his food, while Drake talked nonstop about his crazy day at work. Adam half listened to what his boyfriend was saying but he was mainly focused on Kris on the other side of the table. He looked sad and that had Adam worried.

"Kris?" Adam asked.

Drake immediately stopped talking and looked at Adam with a pissed off expression on his face. He was not happy his boyfriend was giving the whore any attention.

"Yeah?" Kris tentatively answered. He was caught completely off guard by Adam speaking directly to him with his boyfriend right by his side.

"Do you need anything? I mean, clothes for you or the baby? Some groceries?" Adam asked with what he hoped didn't sound like desperation in his voice.

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks though." Kris whispered and looked down at his plate, taking a bite of his food trying to ignore the stares of both men sitting across from him.

Adam's pride was hurt and he thought " _Really? He's turning down my offer to help him? Why?"_

He tried to hide his irritation but when he saw the expression on Kris' face completely change when Jeff walked into the room, he lost his mind.

"Jeff, you're home!" Kris exclaimed and jumped out of his chair.

"Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late." Jeff said tiredly and plopped down in the dining room chair with a grunt.

Kris almost tripped over his own feet racing to the kitchen to get the food he left for Jeff in the oven. "It's okay, I cooked-"

Kris was cut off by Adam's screaming "SIT DOWN AND EAT, KRISTOPHER!!

The room went deathly quiet as everyone was so stunned by Adam's outburst that they didn't know what to do. Jeff sat up straight and looked at Adam confused as to why Adam was going off on Kris after he had been ignoring him for months.

Kris was standing with his back turned away from everyone, he was visibly shaking, it was obvious that Adam's outburst had scared him. He forced himself not to cry as Adam continued to yell at him.

"Did you hear me? I SAID SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND FINISH YOU MEAL!! YOU ARE NOT JEFFERY'S WIFE, HE IS MORE THAN CAPABLE OF GETTING HIS OWN FUCKING FOOD. NOW SIT THE FUCK DOWN."

Adam's face was turning red as he continued to yell at Kris' back. The boy was shaking so bad that he had to put down the plate of food before he dropped it on the floor, breaking it into a million pieces, which would probably make Adam more angry at him.

"What the hell, Adam?" Jeff yelled as he stood up and went to check on Kris. "What is wrong with you? Kris, are you oka- Oh baby, you are shaking like a leaf. Please don't cry. It's okay."

Kris was sobbing uncontrollably by this point not able to hold back how terrified he was of his husband and his behavior.  Adam's heart clenched when he realized that what he thought was concern came off to Kris as him being an abusive asshole. He felt a pang of jealously when Jeff wrapped Kris up in his arms, rubbing his hands up and down his back whispering soothing words in his ear.

"Shhh, it's okay. Everything is fine, I'm here. I'll take care of you. C'mon let's go to your room and you can lay down." Jeff tried to reassure his friend the best he could but the sobs coming from the shorter man were not subsiding.

As they walked out of the kitchen Jeff glared at Adam making it clear he would deal with him later, he was tired of his cousin always talking down to Kris and making him feel he was worthless.

Adam watched them go with a concerned look on his face, he sat in silence for awhile and eventually left the table not even noticing his boyfriend's deathly glare as he walked out of the  room.

For the next week after the incident Adam felt off center, He didn't even understand why he did it and where the anger came from. It made Kris even more distant and he wouldn't even look at Adam for the first several days. He always made excuses to not be in the same room with Adam and if he walked into a room that Kris was in the pregnant man left as soon as he could.

Kris refused to go out in public with him and made excuses to Shirley telling her he had exams, he was tired or he wasn't feeling well, but Adam knew the real reason and it pissed him off.

 _"If he doesn't want to be seen with me, fine. To hell with him. I have Drake, who loves me and I love him. I don't need to hang with him."_ Adam rationalized to himself. _"I should focus on Drake not someone who clearly wants to be with my cousin. Fuck them."_

Adam's heart twisted at the realization and brought up the painful memories he had hidden away for years. Ever since they were children people gravitated to Jeff and he was always better than Adam in pretty much everything. Even now after everything Jeff had fucked up he was still better than him. He was close with Kris, his family and took care of him and HIS baby.

 _"That should be me not my fucking cousin."_ Adam thought. He felt the rage build up inside him, the rage that he thought he locked up years ago. He thought he had moved past his insecurities, when he became famous and adored by men, women and children, who screamed his name and told him they loved him. He became strong and confident, he wouldn't allow it to be shattered by Jeff.  He was the reason he felt so insecure and worthless before and he couldn't fall back into the pattern of self hatred.

When Jeff moved into Adam's house he thought for a moment he could forgive him for what he had done years ago, that Adam could let him back in his life. He had paid for what he did and in the most painful way.

 _"Why do I have to suffer again?"_ Adam asked himself   _"Why all of the sudden does everything have to be turned upside down? Why does Jeff always have to be the star? He comes off looking like the hero to everyone while I look like an asshole. Even Kris thinks he is his savior and can do no wrong in his eyes. Why do I always have to be second best?"_  A single tear fell from his eyes as he continued to think about his past. He really thought he had moved past all his pain but apparently he had not.

When Kris finally gave in and went out on their fake date Adam knew instantly that it was going to be a painfully awkward night. He noticed every twitch, flinch and the stiffness of Kris' body. He took note of how often he glanced at his watch and how many times he took his phone out of his pocket to text someone. His hatred for Jeff and his annoyance for Kris after that dinner increased, especially when he saw Kris becoming closer to Jeff and how distant he had become towards him. He rarely spoke or looked at Adam anymore. It annoyed him so much that it made him snap at his cousin at every opportunity he had.

Kris was six months pregnant when Shirley started setting up the nursery which was between Kris and Jeff's room. Which pissed Adam off more than he already was. Kris seemed to be handling everything fine and Adam felt like Kris did not want him to be a part of the baby's life.

 _"Do I tell him I want to be involved in OUR child's life? Why would he let me when I can't even say MY baby to his face?"_ Adam thought. He wanted to tear his hair out the more he thought about it.

Adam and Kris' families visited them regularly and Adam was careful to make sure Drake was not around. Their families knew about the arrangement and that they were not sleeping in the same bed but they did not need to know that Adam was cheating on him and doing it right in front of Kris.

Adam's family was great, they treated Kris like he was their REAL son in law. They never made him feel like he wasn't accepted into the family. His mom, Leila, loved Kris so much and had told Adam more than once that he wished that their marriage was real and that they could work everything out. Leila and Kris would hang in the kitchen cooking while the other boys of the family did "manly chores" as Leila called them which always made Kris giggle. Kris always felt so loved and happy after her visits. She always kissed his cheeks and rubbed his growing belly. He tried not to notice when she would whisper to Adam that he better start treating him better. It always touched him how protective she was of him and her grandchild.

It was the opposite with Adam. He hated to see how his parents loved Kris and Jeff. His mom even embarrassed him by bringing  over old photo albums to show Kris how he looked when he was younger. Kris however was highly amused as he looked through pages and pages of pictures that Adam wished he had burned years ago.  Kris sat next to his mother who had her hand on the small of his back rubbing it in soothing circles. His eyes were sparkling as he burst out laughing and pointed to a picture which made his mother throw her head back and laugh as hard as Kris.

"I remember that picture. Jeff and Adam were fighting over a fake mustache Eber had bought. Jeff took it away and wouldn't give it back so Adam drew a fake mustache on with my eyeliner."

Adam watch his cousin walk over to the couch to look at the picture and burst out laughing as well. He noticed that Jeff never went back to his own seat across the room and instead stood next to Kris with his hand on his shoulder. It didn't even phase Kris which made Adam see red, to hide his emotion he picked up a magazine and acted like he was reading it, ignoring everyone in the room.

Kris was surprised how happy he was to see Adam's baby pictures. Leila had made him feel like he belonged in the Lambert family and he loved her for it. Kris frowned when he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Adam was too busy flipping through a magazine than to enjoy his time with his mother. _"He can't even pretend he cares, can he?"_ Kris thought.

He realized as he continued to flip through the album was Jeff and Adam had been so close, even though it was photos of Adam's childhood Jeff was in almost all of them.  Kris flipped to the back of the book which had pictures of the boys in high school, In one of them they were sitting on the bleachers with their arms around each other laughing about something the camera couldn't see. In other one Adam was dressed as a dog for which Kris assumed was for a school play and Jeff was standing off to the side laughing at him. On the last page of the book, Jeff had an electric guitar in his arms and Adam standing next to him with his arm around him. They both were holding up the peace sign with their tongues sticking out trying to look like rock stars.

 _"What happened?"_ Kris wondered. _"They were obviously so close once. Why is Adam so cold to him now? He knew Jeff was an ex-addict, but that wouldn’t be the reason Adam distanced himself from him, would he?"_

  
When it was Kris' family turn to visit, he was terrified that they would find out about Adam being unfaithful to him. His mom would completely lose it if she knew what Adam was putting her baby through. They tried to act like a happy couple but his family knew Kris so well that they knew he was putting on a performance for them not to worry. Adam was clearly uncomfortable and it upset him to see how close they were to Jeff and they did not hide it from him, they flaunted it in his face every chance they got.

"Kris, oh my! I missed you so much. Why are you so thin? You are six months pregnant you should be much bigger. Is your husband not feeding you?" his Mom asked with disgust in her voice.

"Mom!" Kris reprimanded. He didn't want a fight, he wanted to have a nice visit with his family before things got crazy after the baby was born.

"Hi" Adam whispered as he walked up to stand behind his husband.

The Allen's just nodded at him so he stayed quiet and stood in the corner of the room. He wanted to scream when he saw the look on Kris' family faces change as soon as Jeff walked in the room. He almost started to cry but forced himself to remain calm, he didn't want them to know they hurt his feelings.

"Hey, Kim! How are you?" Jeff asked while hugging her.

"I'm good, thanks!  How are you, son? Have you been taking care of Krissy and the little one?"

Adam flinched at Kim's words _. "SON? She is expecting HIM to take care of MY husband and MY child?! Really?"_ It took everything Adam had not to yell at Kim for her comments but bit his lip to keep his mouth shut.

"Yeah, I am. I promised didn't I? I won't break that promise." Jeff said with conviction in his voice.

Jeff was acting like he was the Allen's son-in-law, Adam's jaw tightened as he watched the scene in his foyer play out.

"I don't get a hug to?" Neil asked.

Adam's jaw dropped as he watched Jeff and HIS father-in-law embrace. Jeff was clearly very close to the Allen's and it hurt Adam so much to see how excluded he was and his cousin was basically taking over what should be his family. But who’s fault was it? Who let this thing happened in the first place?

He watched as Kris' brother Daniel and Jeff did some weird handshake, "Nice to see you again, bro." Daniel said as they hugged.

 _"BRO! Seriously? I might as well not even exist, nobody cares that I'm standing right here. Not even my own husband."_ Adam said to himself and continued to bite his bottom lip trying to stop himself from saying something rude or stupid.

Adam was mostly quiet all evening, he didn't trust himself to not say something stupid. He didn't want the Allen's to hate him more than they already did.  Of course the Allen's took his silence as him being rude and ignorant but for Kris and the baby's sake they held their tongue.

When they sat down for dinner Adam's nerves were beyond frayed and he wanted the night to be over. He didn't think the night could get any worse but he was wrong.

"So, honey. I'm knitting booties for the baby. Is that okay?" Kim said from the head of the table.

"Yeah mama that's fine." Kris said and beamed at his Mama. He couldn't wait to see the finished product.

"Just make sure they are pink." Jeff said between bites of his mashed potatoes.

Everyone gasped audibly and Kim squealed. Adam dropped his utensils and looked at Kris with a shocked expression on his face. He watch Kim stand and hugged Kris who was smiling from ear to ear.

"Oh, Kris, I'm sorry. I thought you would have told them by now." Jeff said with a frown. He was worried until Kris shook his head letting him know it was fine.

"Is it true? A little girl? My granddaughter." Kim asked excitedly.

Kris nodded and was immediately surrounded  by his family in a group hug. Adam pasted on a smile but inside he wanted to punch someone preferably Jeff.

 _"How could Kris not even tell me that? I know Jeff found out first because he takes him to his appointments but still he should have told me."_ Adam thought but forced himself to continue to smile at the scene in the dining room.

Adam was so happy when the night ended that as soon as the Allen's left he went upstairs and locked himself in his room. He couldn't hide his emotions anymore, and he didn't want Kris and Jeff to see him hurt or cry. He wanted to yell at them, throw things and or punch his cousin as hard as he could. He stopped himself from doing any of that and instead went into the shower and cried until he couldn't cry anymore.

After his shower he tried to sleep but his mind was racing, he turned on the television and flipped through the channels for an hour, after finding nothing that interested him he went downstairs to get a bottled water out of the fridge. As he turned to walk back upstairs he noticed the door to the back patio was open, He went to close it and was surprised to see Kris sitting on the bottom step looking up at the moon. Adam thought about leaving him alone but he needed to know about what he heard earlier that night at the table.

"Hey" Adam called out, he clearly startled Kris when he jumped at hearing Adam's voice. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"That's okay. I just wasn't expecting anyone to still be awake."

"What are you doing out here? It's late. Can I sit?" Adam asked. He didn't want to sit next to Kris on the stair if he was intruding.

Kris nodded his head reluctantly and answered "I couldn't sleep. Today was overwhelming. You can't sleep either?"

"No I can't" Adam answered. There was an awkward silence until Adam couldn't hold his tongue anymore and asked  "Is it really a girl, Kris?"

Kris was startled by the question that he just stared at Adam for several seconds. Adam noticed that under the moonlight he looked so young and innocent. The exact opposite of what he thought when they first met.

"Yeah, We, um, I'm having a girl."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Adam hated how he sounded so hurt, he didn't want to come off that way to Kris, he didn't want him to know how much he was affected by this.

"I didn't think you would care." Kris took a deep breath and continued " This just proved to me that you didn't even go look at the nursery. If you had you would have known just by looking I was having a girl."

Kris' words stung and Adam had no real argument against what his husband was saying because it was all true. Kris sounded hurt and on the verge of tears. Adam wanted to reach out to comfort him but he hesitated. He had enough embarrassment for one day and Kris' rejection would be too much for him to handle.

"I better get to sleep. It's really late, Goodnight Adam"

Adam watched his husband stand and walk inside the house leaving him more confused about his feelings than he was before. He sat for several minutes thinking about what Kris had said. He eventually walked back upstairs but instead of heading to his room he stopped in front of the newly renovated nursery.  His heart was pounding when he put his hand on the doorknob and started to turn it but he stopped himself before he opened the door completely.

 _"What am I doing?"_ Adam berated himself _. "Stop feeling this way. You'll only be hurt in end just like last time. Kris likes Jeff not you. When the baby is born I won't have to see him again. That's the deal. Kris will probably be with Jeff after the baby comes. Why do people I care about always leave me to be with Jeff? I have to stop feeling this way about Kris and ou-HIS baby."_

"Adam, what are you doing out here?" Adam jumped when he heard his boyfriend's voice. He looked confused as to why Adam was standing in front of the nursery door when he had told him repeated times he didn't care about the kid.

Adam sighed and stepped away from the nursery. His relationship with Drake wasn't perfect, everything they did was usually filled with so much drama, fights, tears or great sex. They were not compatible at all but he was convenience and most importantly he hated Jeff and Adam knew he'd never leave him for his cousin. That made him feel safe, he knew he'd never feel safe with Kris because his husband would always choose Jeff over him.

Drake was a fuck up sometimes but he wouldn't leave him and he needed that reassurance. He needed him, now more than ever. He couldn't be alone, he needed Drake to help him when it came the time to divorce Kris.

"Nothing. I'm just tired and..." Drake yelped as Adam grabbed him by his arm and held him to his chest while he kissed and licked up and down his neck making his lover moan. "Damn, I missed you so much."

Adam shoved his tongue down Drake's throat and palmed the smaller man's growing erection in his  pants. Drake was moaning so loud that Adam knew Jeff and Kris could hear him. He smiled against Drake's mouth at the thought.

"Get on the bed, so I can fuck you so hard that I make you forget your name. All you will be able to remember is my name while I pound you into the mattress. I want you to be screaming it over and over so the whole house can hear that you belong to me."

Drake's breath hitched and smiled as he turned to walk into the master bedroom. "Fuck, the things you make me feel. Well come on, show me what you got."

Weeks have past and Adam tried to act as if everything was alright. Kris noticed that he has become a bit nicer now, but Drake was becoming bitchier. He bitched at every opportunity he had and it baffled Kris how Adam just ignored it.

Adam however was talking to him more and more at the kitchen table, and he noticed that the public display of fake affection was becoming frequent too. He came home to take him to the restaurant and shielded him from the mob that was the paparazzi. Kissing him passionately and held his hand even when they were seated at the table already. And most importantly, Adam wasn’t insulting him now like he did before.

He felt that Adam was changing a bit, but wasn’t really sure why? Did his label force him to do that or maybe he took pity on him after so many months of continuous insulting? Or… or was it even possible that Adam felt something for him now?

He was crazy for even considering that thought. Adam would never like him, much less love him. He made it perfectly clear by cheating on him with Drake while he continued to let him live with them.

That was like Adam wearing a shirt with an ‘ _I would never ever love you’_ statement printed in bold letters on it. This was why he was so confused with the sudden attention.

But what annoyed him more was the death glares he was receiving from Drake. He noticed that Adam and Drake argued frequently too and yelled even when he and Jeff were around. Kris cringed every time Adam apologized after their heated arguments when it was clearly Drake’s fault.

One day, Adam decided to invite his closest friends for an afternoon hanging out at his house. He missed them so much and he needed to clear his mind from all the thoughts that was bothering him these past months. Jeff agreed to go get some groceries with him that morning even though he already hired a caterer for the food and set up a small stage in the backyard. Adam had the whole day off and his friends were not coming over before 2 pm and he didn’t want to waste the day just sitting around the house listening to Drake try and spoil it while he bitched about anything and everything the whole morning long.

But his good mood flipped when he and his cousin began to walk around the grocery store. Adam was pushing the cart while Jeff walked alongside him. He stopped in front the cereals and thought of what Kris liked to eat.

‘‘Kris likes fruit loops, right?’’ he asked Jeff while taking a box in his hand.

‘’Nah, he likes coco puffs.’’ He said and grabbed a box and put it in the cart.

‘’Oh, okay.’’ Then they walked over to the jellies and Adam picked a bottle of strawberry jam thinking Kris might like it because he saw him munching on strawberries so often.

‘‘Kris is a peanut butter guy.’’ Jeff blurted out and picked up a huge bottle of Skippy. Adam furrowed his eyebrows in annoyance. He felt Jeff was intentionally embarrassing him making him feel that he didn’t know anything about Kris when really he did.

Adam made sure to grabbed more bottles of wine before leaving the store, he had a feeling he would drown himself with them in few hours.

His friends came at exactly 2 pm; they were Alisan, Cassidy, Tim, Adam’s band and some friends that Kris hadn’t even seen before. There were 10 people and they were all seated in the backyard.

Kris was a bit sad because Brad wasn’t there. After sitting with them for 20 minutes he was just too uncomfortable watching Adam and Drake's flirting. His heart fell realizing that these friends of Adam knew their situation at home.

He looked at Jeff who was talking with Alisan, who looked so engrossed in what they were talking about. Kris made his way to the kitchen and sat there instead. He felt so embarrassed but no one seems to mind him, so he didn’t know if he should be thankful for that.

He could hear the laughter from the back yard, and Kris was sitting there bored to death, trying to be fascinated with the orange juice in front of him.

‘’Hey, Kris, why are you here? Are you not enjoying yourself?’’ it was Adam. Kris looked up at him; he was so handsome like he always is in his eyes. This thought made Kris think that he would never measure up to what Adam deserved to have.

‘’I’m good. I just, um, feel tired. ‘’ What he really wanted to say was _‘of course I am not enjoying it, how can I when you are flirting with Drake in front of these people with all of them knowing I’m your husband’_

The doorbell buzzed and Kris sighed in frustration. Great! Yet another visitor, another person to know that he was worthless in this house. Kris really wanted to cry. Adam walked away to open the door.

‘’What are you doing here?’’ he heard Adam say when he opened the door. Kris stood up to see who it was, but he knew who came before he even saw him.

‘’I invited myself, bitch! How dare you to not invite me, and you invited Jake? That was embarrassing and degrading, Adam.’’ Brad said standing with his hands on his hips. ‘’Are you keeping things from me? Do I need to know something that you ain’t telling me?’’

‘’What? You are paranoid.’’ Adam retaliated, closing the door behind Brad.

‘’You better not be, because I wouldn’t hesitate to kick your glittery ass. Where’s Kris?’’

‘’Hey, Brad!’’ Kris was bouncing in happiness and lunged at Brad and hugged him. Brad hugged him back and looked at his belly with amusement. Adam watched them for a moment, shaking his head while walking back to the back yard leaving both men in the foyer.

Everyone cheered up as soon as Brad and Kris emerged from the back porch door. ‘’Hey, bitch, what took you so long to drag your ass here?’’ Cassidy asked while he stood up and gave Brad a kiss and a hug.

‘’I wasn’t invited by the diva. He’s being a diva. So I invited myself, I missed Kris here.’’ He turned to look back at him and gave him a wink. ‘’and I haven’t seen my love in a long while. I know he misses me too, right, Jeff?’’ he looked at him and batted his eyelashes that had the others burst into fits of laughter.

‘’You wish.’’ Jeff said jokingly, and then he glanced at Kris with worried eyes. Kris smiled at him as if saying _‘I’m fine’_

When everyone was seated again and began to make conversations of their own, Jeff sat beside Kris.

‘’Hey, I was looking for you a while ago. Are you okay?’’ Jeff whispered at his ear, then looking intensely at him with those baby blues.

‘’Yeah, I was just in the kitchen.’’ He caught Brad’s eyes. Kris thought he read something from his look, but he wasn’t in the mood to decipher it just yet.

When everyone finished with the dinner that was being served, Kris stood up to get some dessert from the table. There was a few people there grabbing some pies too. Kris was about to pick a tart when Adam suddenly spoke at his side which made him jumped a little bit.

‘’Try this cheesecake Kris, it’s really mind blowing, I swear.’’ He said pointing to the cheesecake on the table. He was about to reply when he heard another voice at his other side.

‘’Chocolate cake is better, Krissy. I promise.’’ It was Jeff, who was looking down at him with a smile that could light up the whole city of Los Angeles.

‘’Yeah Adam, Jeff is right, chocolate cake is better. Get that one, Kris.’’ Drake said sarcastically, holding Adam’s arm in possessive grip.

‘’Thank you, but I prefer this tart.’’ He picked one and turned to leave the three of them who were still staring at him.

Then the small stage had begun to fulfill its purpose. Cassidy started it calling Alisan to sing. Adam’s band stood up and accompanied her with their instruments that were already on the stage. After a few songs, everyone began chanting for Adam to sing. He did, but he just sang one song from his first album 6 years ago called ‘’Stronger’’. It was one of Kris’ favorite too, the lyrics and the slow tempo just made it perfect.

Adam was a great singer, and Kris had immediately had a crush on him since he first saw him on Idol 7 years ago. He was like 14 or 15 at that time and he was actually his first crush. And Kris felt that feeling again upon hearing Adam singing live for the first time.

After Adam, a girl named Jecka came on stage, grabbed the mic and started to show her skill. Kris thought she was pretty good and she got almost everyone to dance on their seat. He thought of how awesome and talented all of Adam’s friends were. Brad was flailing his hands beside him, and Jeff was leaning on his seat drumming the palm of his hands on his lap. When he glanced at Adam who was sitting across from him, he caught him staring. Kris shifted his eyes quickly to the stage again, away from the intense look Adam was giving his way.

‘’Hey Jeff! Why don’t you show us your secret?’’ Brad said loudly after Jecka sang the last note. Kris saw Jeff stiffen for a moment while he noticed Adam arch an eyebrow. Kris looked up at Jeff questioningly.

‘’You sing?’’ he asked dumbly.

‘’Oh, you didn’t know sweetheart? Well, wait until you heard him. C’mon Jeffrey, show our Krissy here how you rock it.’’ Brad sounded so excited. Everyone was waiting in anticipation too; Kris could clearly see that in their eyes. Adam was looking at his cousin, a look that says ‘ _you’ll just screw it up.’_

Jeff stood up hesitantly and rubbed his palm together in a nervous gesture and looked down at Kris. Kris beamed up at him, and Jeff walked to the stage and whispered something to Monte. Monte was gesturing Tommy to come near him and whispered something to him that made Tommy nod excitedly. Then Monte went to Isaac, the drummer, and then he whispered something to him too. When Isaac nodded, Monte went to Jeff again and they laughed for a moment. Monte walked to the corner and grabbed another electric guitar and handed it to Jeff.

Jeff put the strap around his shoulder and strummed to test it, then smiled widely as the guests were shouting and cat calling. He looked so gorgeous up there; his wavy shoulder length hair was tied at the back leaving few strands covering one side of his face. Kris on the other hand was speechless and his eyes were transfixed at the man on stage. _Jeff could sing and play the guitar._ Wow!

Then it started, Kris’ jaw dropped literally.

 _We're both looking for something_  
_We've been afraid to find_  
_It's easier to be broken_  
_It's easier to hide_

 _Looking at you, holding my breath,_  
_For once in my life, I'm scared to death,_  
_I'm taking a chance, letting you inside._

 _Feeling alive all over again,_  
_As deep as the sky, under my skin_  
_Like being in love, he says_  
_For the first time_  
_Maybe I'm wrong,_  
_But I'm feeling right where I belong_  
_With you tonight_  
_Like being in love_  
_To feel for the first time_

 _The world that I see inside you_  
_Waiting to come to life_  
_Waking me up to dreaming_  
_Reality in your eyes_

 _Looking at you,_  
_Holding my breath,_  
_For once in my life_  
_I'm scared to death,_  
_I'm taking a chance,_  
_Letting you inside._

 _I'm feeling alive all over again_  
_As deep as the sky that's under my skin_  
_Like being in love, she says, for the first time_  
_Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right_  
_Where I belong with you tonight_  
_Like being in love to feel for the first time_

 _We're crashing_  
_Into the unknown_  
_We're lost in this_  
_But it feels like home_

 _I'm feeling alive all over again_  
_As deep as the sky that's under my skin_  
_Like being in love, he says, for the first time_  
_Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right_  
_Where I belong with you tonight_  
_Like being in love to feel for the first time_

It really amazed him at how good Jeff was. Adam was great, but he kind of expected that so he wasn’t surprised at all. He just couldn’t contain the butterflies in his stomach he felt when he sang.

But with this? Hell, he wasn’t expecting this at all. Then he remembered the picture, where Jeff was in his rock and roll clothes with guitar on his arms. So, apparently no one mentioned to him before that Jeffrey Lambert was a rockstar too.

‘‘Close your mouth, honey. You’re drooling.’’ Brad was jokingly lifted his chin up, then wiping the imaginary drool on the corner of his mouth. Alisan burst out laughing, but then he was saved from further embarrassment when everyone stood up giving Jeff and the band a standing ovation.

Everyone that is except for Adam and Drake.

Kris ignored them and jumped to his feet clapping his hands and beaming at Jeff as he was coming closer. But before Jeff could reach him Brad was all over him. He chuckled at the sight of them, noticing how they seemed so close.

The party went on and Adam’s friends seem to enjoy it. They were dancing and laughing and seemed to have more energy than normal human beings. After a while, Kris felt so tired and sleepy and he decided to just go upstairs and rest.

But when he walked past the kitchen, he heard voices yelling at each other. He walked closer to the door and saw Adam and Brad fighting. Brad’s face was red from rage and staring at Adam furiously.

‘’Don’t make me stupid, Adam, because I’m not! I can see how he snakes his body around you. And you don’t even think about your husband’s feeling? You are crushing him. And actually doing that right under his nose? Under the same roof Adam? You have the nerve to do that? Oh my God, this is fucking unbelievable!’’ Brad said angrily.

‘’Brad, how many times I told you that this would soon be over! We would be divorcing, and I can’t dump Drake. He’s all I’ve got, I-I love him.’’ Adam retaliated, but he sounded unsure at his last words.

‘’Then wait until you’ve actually divorced with Kris. If you think you really can’t let him into your life despite how amazing he is, despite the fact he’s carrying your kid, at least show him some respect. He deserves that. Before I kind of wished that you could finally see how lucky you are to have Kris and that you two could work this out, that you could finally open your heart again.’’ He took a deep breath and continued,

‘’But now, I wish Kris would wake up one day and just leave you. Just fucking leave you! I hope he won’t wait for the day that you would sign that fucking divorce paper and throw him out of this house.’’

Then silence stretching for a moment, Kris could swear he can hear the two men's heart beat pounding in their chests.

‘’I’ve known you since high school, Adam. And you weren’t like this at all. What happened to you and Jeff before, it was so long ago. He has paid for it. Couldn’t you just forget about it and move on? It was 7 years ago for fuck’s sake! This hatred that resides in you, it has made a fucking monster of you. This isn’t fair that you’ve taken all your frustrations out on Kris. He is not anything like you think he is.’’

‘’Are you done? Are you done throwing in my face how fucked up my life has become after what Jeffrey did? Are you done blaming it all on me?’’ Kris could hear the venom in Adam’s voice.

‘’Yeah, I’m done, Adam. It‘s just, one day, you’ll regret whatever you’re doing with Kris. You’ll come back and think about this conversation and think how stupid you are. How stupid you are for letting go of the one person who could‘ve made you whole again. Mark my words; this could be a déjà vu all over again.’’ he paused, catching his breath. ‘’Anyway, Jeff is always there to save your ass. and when he does you then act as if he has been the one betraying you."

‘’You know what Adam ... I'm out!" and Brad leaves Adam standing there speechless.

For few days, Kris frequently caught Adam staring blankly off in to space and he seemed to be in a deep thought. He even caught him several times staring at his growing belly. He knew Adam was bothered by something.

But Kris’ mind was also bothered at what he had overheard from Brad and Adam’s fight a week ago. This made him think that he didn’t know them the as well as he thought he did. And he also didn't know Brad was a friend from way back to high school.

He figured Adam and Jeff were best friends since growing up and that something happened between them 7 years ago. What happened? That he didn’t know. But what he was sure of; it was something big to make Adam this upset with his cousin. He was hurt so bad for him to turn his back on him whom he treated like his own brother. But what could have Jeff possibly done to Adam that he still couldn’t forgive him after such a long time? Kris was so curious about what happened, but he didn’t know how to make Jeff confess.

One late afternoon, Kris was standing at his usual post waiting for Jeff to pick him up. He was already 15 minutes late and Kris’ feet felt so sore. Jeff never came this late before and Kris was starting to get worried when he hears screeching tires of a vehicle slamming on brakes in front of him. It was Jeff’s car. He hurriedly hopped in and sat down with a pout on his lips without looking to the person on the driver’s seat.

‘’What took you so long? My feet are so sore, and she keeps on kicking me! I thought I would pee when she kicked so hard 5 minute ago and—oh, Adam!’’ Kris stopped whining after noticing that it wasn’t Jeff who was behind the steering wheel, but instead it was Adam who was staring at him with a look that Kris deciphered somewhere between bemused and slightly shocked.

‘’Hey’’ he greeted him.

‘’Um, hey… What are you doing here? Why are you using Jeff’s car and where is he?’’ Kris asked hurriedly. He was so confused why Adam was driving his cousin’s beat up car. And he had an appointment with his doctor in 30 minutes.

‘’Uh, I just want to pick you up from school, you know. But I thought it’s better if I use Jeff’s car, to not draw any attention. I hope you don’t mind me picking you up.’’ This was Adam’s problem lately. He seemed pissed at Kris, but he couldn’t stay away.

‘’No, no… I was just; I just didn’t expect to see you. And… um… Adam?’’ This was starting to confuse him, he knew this was a plan to be seen in public together like their already thousands fake dates, but Adam’s words were a contradiction and it confused him.

‘’Yeah?’’ Adam asked as he started the ignition and started driving.

‘’I have an appointment with my doctor. You can just drop me there and I’ll take a cab back home.’’

‘’You do? Is there something wrong with you? Are you okay? Is she okay?’’ Adam glanced at him worriedly, eyes lowered to his belly then back at the road.

‘’No…no… I’m fine, she’s fine too. It is just my monthly check-up.’’

‘’Oh, can I… can I come with you, Kris?’’ Kris heart felt something so warm at Adam’s hopeful voice.

‘’Sure’’ Adam’s face broke into a wide grin. He looked so excited, like a child in a candy store.

Kris and Adam sat in the waiting room after the receptionist who Kris knew too well by now told them to wait. She gave Adam a look that says ‘ _I’m sure I’ve seen him before’_  and Kris caught her well plucked eyebrows arched up that almost hit her hairline after watching Adam’s hand rested on his hips, guiding him to the room. That wasn’t new to Kris though, he is used to Adam holding him in public.  
They sat in silence for a while until his doctor came to the room with her usual bright smile.

‘’Kris! How are you?’’ Dr. Kiana Wilson greeted him. He stood up and shook her hand.

‘’Hi Dr. Wilson I am fine, thank you.’’ He answered. Adam was about to stand when her next words hit him like a bomb.

‘’Where’s the gorgeous hunk of yours? Did Jeffrey let you come here alone?’’ she asked oblivious to the man still sitting next to Kris’ seat.

‘’Um, he is busy. But I didn’t come alone.’’ He saw out the corner of his eyes that Adam stood up and was looking so pissed. ‘’I came with my, um, with Adam.’’ He gestured at Adam who stood at his side, plastering his best smile that Kris felt was so strained. Adam was obviously holding his temper.

‘’Hi I’m Adam Lambert Kris’ husband.’’ Kris’ mouth fell open at that. Did Adam just call him ‘ _his husband?’_ Did he just introduce himself as his husband to his doctor? This is just surreal and Kris couldn’t believe how awesome it was to hear that for the first time after almost 6 months of being married. Adam didn’t seem to be feeling what Kris was going through right now because he looked like he was used to saying the word ‘ _husband’_ in his everyday life.

‘’Oh of course Mr. Lambert... Um, would you two follow me so that we can start?’’ Dr. Wilson seemed caught off guard at what she had realized just now.

  
‘’That is my baby girl?’’ Adam said pointing at the ultrasound monitor, his eyes were huge and Kris could swear he saw him blinking rapidly to like hold his tears from rolling down. _And wait a minute; did he just say my baby girl? His baby girl?_

Dr. Wilson nodded with an amused expression. While Kris couldn’t take his eyes off of his _husband_ , he wanted to see every expression on Adam’s face while watching their baby. Kris hadn’t expected this. He thought Adam would flee from the room as soon as the Doctor show him the baby.

The Doctor gave Kris pre-natal vitamins like she normally prescribes him before they left; Dr. Wilson apologized to Adam with her behavior in the waiting room.

‘’I’m so sorry, Mr. Lambert. It was so wrong of me to assume that Mr. Jeffrey Lambert is Kris’ husband. He came here with Kris every month, and we just assumed—I’m so sorry.’’ Dr. Wilson said apologetically to Adam after requesting him to stay in the room for a minute. Kris was waiting outside.

‘’It’s okay Dr. Wilson. I couldn’t blame any of you really; I haven’t been there for my husband. I’m always busy and didn’t realize that I have been missing the best time of my life. That will change now though, so you can expect more of Me.’’ he smiled at her. He really couldn’t blame them, it was his fault not taking care of Kris and everything was coming back to him like a slap to his face.

Adam found Kris standing talking animatedly with the receptionist. He smiled at how cute he was and came up to him from behind. He slipped his hands on his belly and kissing his cheek. He felt Kris stiffen for a second then relaxed as he registered what was happening. He must’ve had thought that this was just for a public display, but Adam knew that it wasn’t.

‘’Are you ready to go babe?’’ Adam asked as Kris turned his body to face him and found himself so lost in the intensity of Adam’s eyes.

‘’Y-yeah, I am.’’ He stuttered. Then they waved to the receptionist who looked at Adam dreamily. Adam winked at her while resting his hand on Kris’ shoulder in a possessive grip.

‘’You want to grab something to eat, Kris?’’ _hmm, so much for calling him babe, huh._ Kris was mentally giving himself a kick for thinking that Adam might be starting to like him.

‘’Yeah, I’m kind of starving myself.’’

They ate in a restaurant that wasn’t really known, and Kris enjoyed his meal with Adam for the first time. Adam was talking about random things and they both laughed at their stupid jokes. Kris almost thought that he might be sleeping and this was just a dream, or Kris might be in an alternate universe where Adam was nice and less bitchy.

‘’When will this semester end?’’ he asked when they were eating a shared cheesecake.

‘’Actually today was our last, took all my finals this week.’’ Kris answered with a sigh of relief.

‘’Uh, would you still continue next semester? I mean after the baby and everything, you still could do it?’’ Adam looked so interested at knowing his answer.

‘’I need to. I need to graduate and find a stable job. I have a huge responsibility now. I know her future is secured from the moment she will be born, but we still have a long way and I need to make sure I can give her the best possible life that she could ever have.’’

They were in their driveway already and Adam turned off the engine minutes ago but no one moved from their seats. Adam was chewing on his bottom lip like he was thinking about something and wanted to tell Kris about it, but was too nervous to bring it up.

Kris was staring holes at his shoes. He was thinking that this was the first time he and Adam went out without planning and he really enjoyed it. He felt like it was a real date. A date that would soon be over as soon as he stepped on that house where Drake was inside and waiting for Adam. He felt as if his heart was being crushed. He was the legal husband here but why did he feel that he was the one begging for a little bit of Adam’s attention and love?

But then their baby girl suddenly kicked so hard inside him, so hard that he jumped and shrieked that startled Adam.

‘’Kris, what happen? Are you alright?’’ Adam asked worriedly, shifting his body so he was facing Kris.

Kris nodded and winced again that made Adam so nervous. Kris wasn’t due to deliver, not before 6 weeks from now according to Dr. Wilson. ‘’Kris?’’ he asked again.

Adam’s brows knitted in confusion when Kris held his hand and brought it to rest on his belly that was…

 _oh my god! She is moving!_ Kris laughed at Adam’s deer caught in headlights expression.  He seemed to freeze for a while and Kris thought that he had made the wrong assumption that Adam was really cool with it now. He was about to moved away when Adam’s face broke out into wide grin.

‘’Oh my god, Kris she is moving! I can actually feel her.’’ He was holding his belly with his both hands now, rubbing it in gentle strokes. ‘’This is amazing.’’ He whispered quietly looking at Kris with those big excited blue eyes.

Kris nodded at him; he put his hand on top of Adam’s and smiled. Adam looked at him with so much intensity and Kris felt everything around them begin to disappear and he felt that they were the only people that existed. He didn’t know how long they were staring at each other but Kris was so in daze to realize that their faces seemed magnetized and now were merely inches apart.

Kris’ heart was pounding hard in his chest and he closed his eyes as their lips met. It was so tentative at first, like they were familiarizing with each other’s lips. But after a few moments, Adam was cupping his cheek and their kiss became more hot and passionate. Kris wanted to cry at the intimacy of the moment. He wanted to stay there forever just holding and kissing his husband.

Adam slowly pulled away from him when they needed to breathe, but Adam didn’t break eye contact with him. His thumb stroking Kris’ cheek and leaned down to peck on his lips again and again. When Adam was about to dive for another long passionate one, the front door flew open and an angry Drake was standing at the doorstep. Adam stiffens for a moment, glancing from Drake to him but his hand still resting on his cheek.

Kris’ heart broke into million tiny pieces when Adam dropped his hand and spoke to him in his usual cold voice.

‘’It’s getting dark, we need to get inside the house.’’ with that he opened the door and got out of it without turning back to him.

Kris was holding his tears when he saw Adam almost ran to Drake and hugged him in his arms. He was standing beside the car, holding on to it because he didn’t trust his legs not to wobble. He felt so weak and dizzy, like he was going to throw up. Adam was kissing Drake now when he was kissing him just a moment before.

‘’I missed you, honey.’’ He heard Adam said in between kisses. That shattered his heart into million tiny pieces.

No, he won’t cry. He won’t cry anymore. He was done crying for Adam. Enough is enough.

But he knew better than that. Because he was slumped down the patio floor and he was there since Adam and Drake went directly to _their_ room shortly after they arrived. He had been crying for hours and now, he didn’t have any tears left to shed. He was so tired but he knew he couldn’t sleep either.

Then Jeff was at his side, he hadn’t even noticed he came in. He was too preoccupied. Jeff crouched down in front of him, asking him what happened. He knew he was worried, he could feel it; he could see it in his eyes. Jeff cared about him, cared about his baby. He was the one who always there for him, making him feel special.

‘’Kris, please talk to me. What happened?’’ he asked again. Kris looked up at him, really looked at him. ‘’Kris, wha—‘’ Jeff didn’t continue what he was about to say because Kris was kissing him.  
Jeff was in shocked when he registered what Kris was doing. And he knew he should be stopping Kris because they couldn’t do that. It wasn’t right. He couldn’t do it again to his cousin. But, before he could think, his hands had their own mind. His hands cupped Kris’ face and the other was holding the back of his neck gently stroking it.  
Jeff deepened the kiss and Kris was moaning softly at their mouth. He slowly pulled away as soon as he tasted Kris’ tears. He held him so tight like an assurance that he would always be there, and he would.

‘’Just hold me, please. Don’t go, don’t leave me. Please, just stay here with me, Jeff.’’ Kris choked out between sob.

‘’I will, Kris. I promise. I would always be here for you, always. I promise you that.’’ he whispered, kissing Kris’ forehead that made the smaller man cry even more.

They stayed there for a long time just holding each other, until Kris fell asleep in Jeff’s arms. Jeff carefully lifted Kris’ tired body and slowly carried him to his room. He put him down on his bed and covered him with a blanket. He stared down at him for a while before kissing his forehead and whispered ‘good night’. But Kris stirred and pleading for him to stay. Jeff knew he shouldn’t even consider the idea, but he knew too that he couldn’t say no to Kris either. So he stayed.  
He lay down beside Kris who was lying on his side with his back to Jeff.

‘’Jeff, can you please hold me?’’ and of course he would. He shifted his body to lie on his side. He moved closer to Kris’ back leaving enough space that their bodies weren’t actually touching. He tentatively brought his arm to Kris’ waist, and it surprised him when Kris twined their fingers together. He kissed the back of his head whispering a soft ‘’goodnight’’ again.

Kris answered ‘’yeah, goodnight, Jeff.’’ in return.

What they didn’t know was that a pair of piercing blue eyes was watching them for hours now, witnessing what’d happened on the patio until Jeff carried Kris to his room in a bridal way. He didn’t move from his position even hours after his cousin and his husband closed the door and slept.

‘’You fucking bastard! How dare you do this to me?’’ Adam punched his cousin square on his jaw as soon as Jeff came out of Kris’ room in the morning.

‘’What the fuck is wrong with you?’’ Jeff yelled back, rubbing his jaw and winced in pain.

‘’You have the nerve to ask me, you fucking asshole! Can you not find your own fucking men and leave my men off of your fucking list?’’ He pushed Jeff with his hands which made him stumbled back and hit the wall with a loud thud.

‘’What’s happening—‘’ Kris opened the door and a look of shock crossed his face as he looked from Adam to Jeff. Drake came out of the room too; hair dishevelled and clad only in his boxers briefs.  
‘’I warned you Jeffrey, stay out of this. You have done so much in the past that nearly destroyed me. Don’t… don’t you dare do it again. Are you not satisfied  with taking Eric from me before and now you want to do it again with Kris?’’ Adam said glaring at his cousin who was looking at him with equal rage in his eyes. ‘’Stay out of my relationship Jeff, I’m warning you!’’ Adam stated eyes blazing leaving everyone in stunned silence.

‘’Relationship? You call it relationship? You are taking them for granted, Adam. You never let them feel that they are your partner. I was there; I’ve seen how you treated him like a trash. You still can’t forgive me about Eric? Fine, but let me tell you this. It wasn’t my fault if I actually want me to be there for him whenever he felt bad about you. We were friends. I know how great he was and you didn’t even appreciate what you had.’’ Kris was frozen; the truth was unfolding in front of him. ‘’Yes, I shouldn’t have fallen in love with him when he was still your boyfriend. But I did. We did. And until now you cannot believe that he actually chose me over you. It was your pride speaking, Adam. Get over it.’’

Adam didn’t move, he was standing still with hands clenched into fist.

‘’Now, you are doing it all over again with Kris. But much worst this time. You actually married him, and yet you are treating him like a piece of shit.’’ Jeff looked down and raked his fingers through his long hair and looked up again. ‘’I have really never intended to fall in love with the men you are with, Adam. I’m sorry.’’

It was already dark, but Kris didn’t intend on leaving the patio just yet. The house was so quiet and Jeff hadn’t come back since he left that morning. Adam left afterward after fighting with Drake in their room.

‘’This is all _your_ fucking fault! Our life got fuck up because of you, Kristopher. Adam shouldn’t have agreed on marrying you and I know he can’t wait until he will be able to divorce you.’’ Drake yelled at him when he passed by the living room and saw him there sitting. Drake went out of the house after that, and no one still has come home. He felt so alone.

The patio door opened and he knew who it was before he could even see his face. Jeff sat beside him but didn’t say a word. He sighed a few times but still he hadn’t talk.

‘’So, you’re going to tell me what had happened this morning?’’ Kris broke the silence. Jeff glanced at him and took a deep shaky breath.

‘’As you already know, Adam was just few months older than me and we grew up together. We became more than cousins, we were like brothers. We went to the same school and became classmates since kindergarten. We have the same interest and passions. We both love music and performing.’’ Kris reached to hold his hand and squeezed it because he felt the story Jeff was going to tell him was a very painful one.

‘’He was dating Eric since our senior year and we all became friends, including Brad. He was Eric’s best friend. They were really head over heels in love. We all graduated and went to college together, Adam started to audition for musicals and I started forming a band. But when Adam started to get lead roles in musicals, he became too caught up with that and started to drift away from Eric. He didn’t cheat on him or anything like that but he was just always busy and neglected his duty as Eric’s boyfriend.’’ Kris could see that Jeff was about to cry in the mentioning of Eric’s name.

‘’He forgot their anniversaries, his birthdays and stood him up on their dates. But Eric patiently stood by him. In our second year of college, he barely hung out with us and I would always find Eric so sad or even crying in a corner. We were friends, so I made sure I was there for him. To cheer him up you know. Adam stopped picking him up for school, didn’t eat with us at lunch anymore and he was always in a rush when Eric wanted to talk to him even for few minutes only. I started picking him up and we’d hang out after school. I was also busy with my band but I really made an effort to spend some time with him. It went on until we barely thought about Adam anymore.’’ Jeff rubbed his face roughly.

‘’I fell in love with him, Kris. I didn’t realize it until he was the only one I could think about every minute. I was worried what it would do to my relationship with Adam. I know I would be hurting him, even though he was the one who neglected his boyfriend, but I knew he still loved him. So, I stayed away from Eric because I couldn’t hurt my cousin who I considered my brother. But when Eric came to me after 2 weeks without seeing him, I just couldn’t stop myself. I kissed him and he kissed me back, I apologized after for what I did, for both staying away and kissing him.’’ Jeff looked at Kris, eyes were glistening with tears.

‘’But he just shook his head and said to never apologized for kissing him and he made me promise not to stay away from him, ever again. He said that he couldn’t stand it if I was going to leave him too, because he loved me, he was in love with me. But I told him that we would just hurt Adam, and that I couldn’t do that to him. He told me that we would keep it a secret and that we would tell Adam eventually about it.’’

‘’So, we did. We hide our affair from Adam and everyone else. We spent most of our time together. Adam continued to see Eric and sometimes if Adam had time, they would go out for a date or see a movie. Eric and I tried to act normal when Adam was around. But then, he caught us in my dorm room making out, half naked. Adam beat the hell out of me and Eric was screaming in fear. He was pushing Adam away from me and that really shocked him. Eric was crying helping me to my feet and telling me that he loved me over and over. Adam just stood there and couldn’t even move at what he had witnessed.’’ Finally, tears were rolling down Jeff’s face as he continued.

‘’I saw how we hurt Adam; I could see it in his eyes. But I loved Eric, too. He became my life. But I knew better than thinking Adam would just let it go without a fight. I’d been with Eric for almost a year before he caught us, but Adam and Eric was together for 3 years. I betrayed and broke his trust in me in that moment, I was pretty sure that he wouldn’t forgive me that easily. When he grabbed Eric’s hand and pulled him away from me, Eric resisted and ran back to me.’’

  
__

_‘’Eric, let’s go. We need to talk about this.’’ Adam said in between gritted teeth. His eyes got wide when Eric jerked his hand away and ran back to Jeff._

__

_‘’We’ll talk here, Adam in front of Jeff.’’ He stood beside Jeff._

__

_‘’Baby, I know you’re pissed at me. You thought I’ve been neglecting you, but Eric I am doing this for our future. You know how much I love you, right?’’ Adam said, almost pleading._

__

_‘’I know you love me; Adam, and I love you too. But you just threw me to the curb and made me feel like shit for over a year now. You took me for granted because you think I would always be just there waiting for you around the corner. You’ve never thought I could actually fall out of love with you.’’ Eric was crying and Jeff’s hand reached out to rub his back._

__

_‘’Stay away from my boyfriend, you Mother Fucker! Don’t you ever touch him again! Eric, honey, I know you are just confused. I wasn’t there for you and this bastard was. You’re just confused. Please, come with me. Let’s talk things out. We can get through this. We love each other. I’m sorry I’ve been so caught up with my musical theatre, but I am doing this all for you. For our future because I want to marry you someday and have kids... Please, honey—‘’_

__

_‘’I’m sorry too, Adam. I never meant to hurt you. Neither did Jeff. But I’m in love with him, and I want to be with him. I’m sorry.’’ Eric said between tears and went to Jeff’s side and planted his head on his chest._

__

_‘’How long you have been cheating on me?’’ he said after a few silent moment._

__

_‘’Almost a year now… We’re so so—Adam!’’ Eric shrieked when Adam lunged at Jeff and made him stumbled down to the floor. Adam punched him repeatedly until Jeff almost unconscious._

__

_‘’How could you do this to me? Of all people, you are the one to hurt me this bad? I treated you like my own brother! How could you do this to me?’’ Adam yelled with tears streaming down his face. He was beating him again and again, and Eric was screaming with fear. Jeff didn’t fight back, he let Adam beat him. He knew he had betrayed his cousin; he hurt him too much that if it would make him feel a little bit better by knocking the light out of him, then he would gladly let him._

__

_‘’I-I’m s-sor-ry, I’m so sorry, Ad.’’ Jeff struggled to say to Adam before he was unconscious._

  


‘’Oh my god, Jeff… I’m so sorry.’’ That was all Kris can say.

‘’It didn’t end there, you know. I thought losing Adam in my life would be the most painful feeling I could ever have felt in my entire being. But… something happened that made me almost kill myself.’’ Jeff took a deep breath again, taking enough strength to continue with his confession.

‘’We started to live together after that, we rented an apartment near the school and I started to work my ass off to support us. We’d go to school during day, we’d work in the evenings and I played some gigs with my band. It was really hard, but Eric never complained. He was so, so patient.’’ Jeff’s eyes streaming with tears and Kris could feel how Jeff loved Eric. But now he was wondering where Eric was? Why did they break up and why their relationship didn’t work out if Jeff was this in love with him.

‘’We were really happy and content with what we had. He was the one encouraging me to continue my music when I started to doubt that I wasn’t able to make it. He was my strength. After 5 months since Adam found out about us, Adam dropped out from school and auditioned for every musicals he could ever audition for and landed some big roles. He started to have some recognition and we were so happy to learn that from Brad. Brad stayed friends with him and with us. But then…’’ he trailed off, his hands were shaking and he gripped so hard on Kris’ that he thought his hands would break.

‘’But then on Eric’s 21’st birthday, I surprised him with a simple celebration. I invited some friends to come over our place. We were in the middle of the party when he suddenly collapsed. I thought it was from exhaustion, but he was so frail and weak when he finally woke up. Then he started to throw up and faint again, I became so worried and rushed him to the hospital. I couldn’t believe what the doctor had told me after they let him stay the night and ran some test on him. I even chuckled at them because that wasn’t even possible. He was so healthy and I didn’t notice any symptoms before that.’’ Kris’ heart was pounding hard; he thought he knew what Jeff was going to say.

‘’It was stage 4, leukaemia. He kept that from us, even Brad didn’t know about that. I dropped out of school and stayed with him. His parents helped us with money for the hospitalization and medications, but it was just a matter of time. I went to Adam’s place to tell him about Eric because I thought it was just right to let him know his condition. It would make Eric feel better to know that Adam had forgiven him. But Adam was in Europe, he was in Hair the Musical and they had been touring all over the world.’’ Kris was too stunned to even make a reaction. He didn’t know what to say, so he just waited for Jeff to continue.

‘’After couple of months, his condition wasn’t getting any better. He was too weak from chemotherapy and it was killing me to see him like that. Then one night, we were watching TV, a commercial for the American Idol auditions was showing and he looked at me with a bright smile. He asked me to audition because he told me I could kill it and totally win the show. I said I couldn’t, because I couldn’t be away from him even for a day in his condition. But he pleaded and he said it would make him so happy if I just even tried out. And I just couldn’t say no, so I went.’’ Kris didn’t know that, was it the same year as Adam’s season? But he watched that whole season and he would remember if Jeff was with them, but he really couldn’t.

‘’I auditioned in San Francisco and luckily the judges gave me a golden ticket to Hollywood. So, I went back to LA and waited for the Hollywood week to start. Eric’s condition worsened, but he made me promise to do it and that he would be okay waiting for me in our place. What I didn’t expect was Adam was one of us in that group. I was so happy to see him there but he was still angry. He refused to speak with me. I wanted to tell him about Eric but he wouldn’t even listen. I refused to stay at the hotel the management had assigned us; instead I was driving every day to go home to Eric. He was being cared for by his mom, but I couldn’t sleep if he wasn’t beside me.’’

‘’The group started to thin out and I still haven’t told Adam about Eric. He just disappeared after we finished. The judges obviously fascinated and amazed by us, having the same surname and actually being cousins. They always praised us and I started to hear some rumors that the TPTB would pit us against each other when the live show started. That would make a great drama, I guess. And as I expected, we were both on top 36 and the next day would be our first live show. Me and Adam were in the first group and were going to sing the next day. They never allowed me to go home that night because of rehearsals and stuff like that. I was too worried but I thought I would be home the next day and could actually stay home for a week.’’ Kris’ heart broke when Jeff actually sobbed. He rubbed his back gently, bringing his head to rest on his shoulder.

‘’That evening, Eric’s mother called me. She said Eric was being rushed to the hospital. I was shaking with fear, I was so afraid. I ran to find Adam, and when I found him in his room, he wouldn’t even open the door. He was yelling from the other side for me to get lost. I yelled back telling him about Eric. That I needed him to come with me to the hospital as I knew Eric would lose his battle that night and I needed him to know Adam had forgiven him. Adam opened the door, and that moment I thought he finally was willing to forget everything for the sake of Eric. But, I was wrong. He told me that I deserved this pain because it was karma for me. I couldn’t control myself after hearing that and I punched him. I punched him until some people were pulling us away. The management still refused to allow me to go, and so I left and quit the competition and ran to Eric.’’ Kris was crying too, he was wiping his tears with his sleeves.

‘’It was only a matter of minutes when I arrived at the hospital until Eric left me. I didn’t say any words to him except for ‘I love you’. I was so devastated when he died. I felt so alone. Until I started to take drugs to forget the pain; Adam had won the competition and I was still happy for him. I just can’t believe that he couldn’t even forgive Eric on his death bed. I felt I had lost everything. I lost my brother and my partner at the same time. And so I became drug dependent, and it continued for years. I was so fucked up. Until 2 years ago, I nearly die from over dosage. I was forced by my parents and Adam’s parents to get into rehab and I stayed there for 6 months. After I finally got out from that, all clean, I wanted to stay away. So, I went for a voluntary mission in Cambodia for a year and hoping to find in me the will to forgive myself and Adam. I wanted to start again, that’s why I asked Uncle Eber to convince Adam to let me stay with him.’’

‘’But I didn’t expect that this thing would be happening again, Kris. I didn’t expect to make the same mistake that I did before. I really didn’t expect to fall for you.’’

  


 

‘’No, Adam! I need you to make a decision right the fuck now!’’ Drake was yelling as Adam opened the door to their room. They were yelling for quite some time now and Adam had enough of Drake’s fucking demands. Adam stormed out of their room but Drake trailed behind him. ‘’Adam, don’t you dare turn your back at me!’’

‘’Drake, please. Just… just leave it alone for a while. I can’t deal with this now.’’ Adam said, trying to be calm. He continued to walk down the stairs while Drake was angrily chasing after him.  
‘’No! I want you to decide now!’’ he insisted.

Adam didn’t mind him and continued to walk. He just wanted to relax for a while, but Drake was bothering him since few days ago. They were fighting nonstop since the morning he punched Jeff. Drake was bugging him to throw both Kris and Jeff out of his house.

‘’Drake, please stop!’’ he snapped at him, that moment Kris came inside the house from the front door. He was carrying a couple of grocery bags. He stopped at the door and looked at Adam and Drake who were standing still in the hallway.

He knew they were fighting again; they seemed too often to disagree on everything these past few days. Drake was bitching all the time and it would boil up even more when he caught Adam staring at him. There was one time when Kris almost threw the yogurt he was eating at Drake’s face because of some nasty remarks he said to him.

Both Adam and Drake had stopped when he came inside, Adam’s eyes locked with his for a few moments. He walked up to him and tried to smile, but Kris could clearly see how sad his eyes were.

‘’Hey, Kris! You went to grocery store? Why you didn’t tell me so that I can come with you?’’ Adam said taking the groceries from his hands. Kris glanced at Drake, and he saw him arched his brow and crossed his arms on his chest.

‘’Uh, yeah… I just needed some ingredients for dinner.’’ He answered, noticing Adam’s hand rested on the small of his back as he led him to walk.

‘’Did Jeff go with you?’’ Adam asked, but his voice is quiet uncertain.

‘’Uh, no... He went to work early and won’t be back until dinner. So, I just took a cab.’’ Adam stared down at him as he placed the bags on the dining table.

‘’You should have a car. I should buy you a car.’’ Adam said with a look that said ‘ _How come I didn’t think about that before’_.

‘’You don’t have to—‘’

‘’Of course, you don’t have to buy him a car, honey because he is leaving this house sooner than he expected!’’ Drake said mockingly at Kris. Kris almost forgot that Drake was annoyingly trailing behind them.

‘’Drake!’’ Adam called him in warning tone.

‘’What? Isn’t that what’s going to happen? Why not just save yourself both from misery, when all of us here know that it is inevitable?’’

‘’Drake, shut the fuck up!’’ Adam warned again.

‘’Why, Adam? Why you cannot just tell Kris and your cousin to get their asses out of your house? Why can’t you just decide to stop this fucking deal? Tell me why?’’ he shouted at Adam’s face. Adam stood in front of Kris like he was shielding him from Drake’s wrath.

‘’Because you might not like what you'll be hearing...’’ Adam said sternly, his jaw was tightening.  
Kris saw how Drake’s face contorted in shocked. He was literally combusting and ready to attack Adam, but he regained his composure and looked at Adam with an arched eye brow.

‘’Oh, really and what would that be? Are you trying to tell me that you are hoping Kristopher here would actually forgive you for what you have done to him? That he would crawl at your feet when you’ve finally realized that you wanted him?’’ he sarcastically chuckled. ‘’Oh, c’mon Adam, you know better than that. Can’t you not see it he likes Jeff, not you. It’s been like this, everyone leaves you for Jeff.  I’m pretty sure he and your cousin cannot wait for the time when you actually sign that divorce paper. Nobody understands and knows you like I do, Adam. No one’’ With that, he turned his back on them and left.

Adam was quiet and started to put the groceries in the cupboards. Kris knew that he wasn’t okay, but he didn’t know how to reach for him, to talk with him. So, when he was grabbing the last bag from the table, Kris held on to his hand. Adam stopped and glanced down at him. They looked at each other for a moment and Kris squeezed his hand as if telling him that everything would be okay. Adam smiled at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

‘’I’m okay, Kris. I promise.’’ He said softly to Kris and the younger man nodded. Then, Kris let go of his hand and started to walk but Adam grabbed it and looked down at him.

''Stay.'' he whispered. Kris looked at him with his innocent brown eyes. ''Please, Kris.''

‘‘Sure'' he smiled. Then Adam smiled back.

They stayed at the kitchen for hours just preparing dinner. Kris even taught him how to bake his mama's brownies. Adam seemed to forget what happened with Drake because he was laughing so hard at Kris' stupid jokes. That evening in the kitchen ended with throwing things at each other. They just had their sweetest fight to date, Kris' thought. A flour fight!

They both ran up to their rooms covered with flour, but Adam just had his best moment, yet again.

Kris had noticed after that morning Adam and Jeff yelled at each other, Adam became too preoccupied and mostly quiet, except for the times he was yelling at Drake. Kris expected Adam to throw Jeff out of his house, but to his surprised he didn’t. Jeff visibly became distant after that. He was working long hours but Kris knew the real reason why he felt the need for space.

He knew telling him about his past was a very hard thing to do. It was like reopening a wound that took years to heal. He could feel how Jeff was so deeply wounded and devastated with Eric’s death, and the guilt that he was harboring thinking he betrayed his cousin.

Jeff’s admission of his feelings for him wasn’t that surprising. Kris wasn’t naive not to get that feeling when they both hung out, but when he heard it straight from Jeff’s mouth, it was still shocking nonetheless. They became so much closer that Kris sometimes thought Jeff was one of the sources for his strength especially with what he had been through in this house. He noticed with each passing day, how Jeff looked at him in a different way than he used to. Kris felt how Jeff cared so much for him and Kris cared for him as well. He even had the thought at times given different circumstances; he without a doubt could have fallen head over heels in love with him. But as they always say _‘you cannot choose whom your heart beats for’_

The afternoon passed with Kris wishing for the first time he had a class just to have reason to be busy. He spent most of his time cooped up in his room then watching the butterflies flying around the garden after he was so bored out of his mind.

These past days, Adam was around more though and they seemed to get more comfortable with each other like they could just simply sit in the living room and watch movies or doing the groceries together.

Jeff was mostly out for work during the day time and Adam, after a while became busy too as he started to have meetings here and there for his next album.

He didn’t like to be near Drake because he always had some nasty words to throw at him, so he did his best to not cross their paths when they were alone at the house.

But that evening, when he was preparing dinner, Adam came home early and sat with him to talk while he was chopping some veggies. At one point, Adam stood at his side to help him. They were talking and laughing at random things and Adam seemed to be so happy. Kris was cracking up when

Drake came into the kitchen with his hands on his hips and obviously looking so pissed.

‘’Adam, I thought you had promised me you’d take me out tonight.’’ He said but his eyes were on Kris.

‘’Drake, you know we can’t be seen in public together on a date.’’ Adam reasoned out.

Kris felt mixed feelings of sadness and anger. Sadness because, he felt like his deal with Adam was the reason he and Drake couldn’t even go out. Obviously, Adam wanted to be with Drake in public but he couldn’t because of him and their stupid arrangement but he felt angry, because he was actually hurt and jealous that Adam didn’t feel that way for him.

‘’You got to end this now! You’ve got to end this because I’m sick and tired of the mess Kristopher has created. I want him out of this house!’’ he yelled. Jeff chose that moment to come to the kitchen and saw the commotion in there. He looked worriedly at Kris who’s standing behind Adam.

‘’What’s happening in here’’ He eyed the two men who were facing each other, but he continued to walk to Kris not waiting for them to answer him. ‘’Kris, you okay?’’

He nodded as he took steps to stand near Jeff. Adam noticed it, and frowned a little bit.

‘’Nothing is happening because Adam doesn’t want to make the decision.’’ Drake said crossing his arms on his chest.

‘’What decision?’’ he was now addressing Adam, looking at him questioningly.

‘’He doesn’t like the idea to terminate his arrangement with Kristopher so that he can kick him out of this house.’’ Drake answered him when Adam seemed to have lost his tongue.

‘’Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. What does Kris have to do with your fight with Adam? And why would Adam end his arrangement with Kris to kick him out?’’

‘’It’s so simple, Jeffrey. If they would end this shit, we can all live our  lives like before. You can go and fuck with Kris and live happily ever after, that’s what you want, right?’’

‘’Don’t you dare talk about Kris like that, you fuc—‘’ he was stepping forward when Kris held his arm to stop him. Both Adam and Jeff looked down at his hand resting on Jeff’s arm; Kris let it go after noticing it.

  
_The fact was Adam was hurt. He knew Jeff and Kris were close and that they might be more than friends. He felt so jealous that night he saw the both of them talking on the patio and kissing until Kris seemed to have fallen asleep in Jeff’s arms. He was holding his urge to lung at his cousin when he saw him carry his husband upstairs to his room. And he was seething with jealousy and that feeling of betrayal again when he waited for hours hiding in the dark, but Jeff didn’t come out of Kris’ room. He felt betrayed again. Why did Jeff always interfere with his relationships? He knew he wasn’t a perfect boyfriend to Eric or a good husband to Kris, but still he always came to a point to make his fucked up relationship work. But before he could do that, Jeff already stole their hearts. He wanted to fight for it, he wanted to fight for Kris, but did he stand a chance? Could he even make Kris like him after all he did to him? Did Kris still want him as his husband despite everything he put him through? Could he ever forgive him?_

__

_He felt like a knife had stabbed him when Kris moved from behind him to Jeff’s side when his cousin walked up to Kris to ask him if he was okay. He could clearly see in Kris’ eyes how he felt safe with Jeff, and how he cared for him when he stopped him from attacking Drake._

__

_Adam glanced down at his husband’s hand holding firmly at his cousin’s arm. His heart twisted realizing Brad’s words. He really was an idiot for letting someone like Kris slip through his hands, he really didn’t know what he was missing. Was it too late already?_

  
Kris glanced up at Adam; his heart was twisting at Adam’s expression. He looked so torn. Drake was somewhat correct that he was the reason for them all to be in this fucked up situation. Everyone was miserable and their lives wouldn’t settle like before if he would continue to live in Adam’s house, ruining everyone’s life. He was so selfish. He needed his baby girl’s future to be secured, but he wouldn’t deprive someone that he loved from being with someone he loved. He should have made the decision months ago when it was so obvious his situation with Adam wouldn’t get any better. But now he could do it, he could set Adam free so that he can be with Drake, whom he loved and wanted to be with.

‘’I’ll leave.’’ He whispered to no one in particular.

Everyone frozen at what he said, then Jeff looked at him and ask him ’’what?’’ like he wanted to be sure of what he heard.

The same time Drake blurted ‘’Thanks fuck!’’

But Adam seemed too taken aback by what Kris said and hasn’t said a word. He just looked at Kris.

‘’It’s for the better. I should have decided long ago. I’ll just leave so that we can all get back to our lives.’’ He said calmly, but his inside were nothing but. He wanted to explode because, as hard as it was to be under the same roof with Adam, he couldn’t stop himself from falling deeply for him.

‘’I thought you are a heartless bastard, Kristopher but I take that thought back now. I know there is still good in you, somewhere in there. Adam, baby, we could—‘’

‘’Shut up, Drake! If there is someone in this house who should be kicked out, it is your fucking ass. Kris is the legal husband here; he has the right to be in this house. Adam, are you just going to stand there and let Kris leave? Are you really that fucked up?’’ Jeff looked at Adam with seething rage.

‘’How dare you tell me to leave I am Adam’s boyfriend even before Kristopher ruined everything. I should be the one in his place. How about you, Jeffrey? What are you to Adam’s life? Oh, let me think. Nothing! You are nothing but someone who made his life miserable. So, who do you think is more deserving than me to be kicked out from this house?’’ Drake said with his arms crossed on his chest. Jeff was visibly holding back himself from knocking the light out of Drake.

‘’Okay, fair enough. I would leave if… you leave. This is Adam’s house and he is married to Kris. So, technically, this is also Kris’ house. Adam’’ he looked at his cousin expectantly, like he was daring him to debate with him. But Kris couldn’t fathom what Jeff had said. He couldn’t be in this house alone with Adam and Drake. That mere thought scared him. Jeff couldn’t leave him here. And so he stepped forward to clutch at Jeff’s arm like his life depended on it.

‘’Jeff, no, you can’t leave me here.’’ Kris said softly. His eyes pleading that made Adam want to throw things. He was so confused and hurt that he couldn’t think of anything but Kris. He didn’t want him to leave and he would end everything with Drake for Kris in a heartbeat. But Kris seemed to not feel the same, if the way he was clutching at Jeff’s arm was any indication. And that hurt Adam very much.

‘’Hmm, Kristopher disagrees with you Jeffrey. See, you two can’t seem be away from each other. Why don’t you both just pack up your things and go—‘’

‘’Drake, shut up! Shut the fuck up!’’ Adam yelled that made Kris clutch on Jeff’s hand tighter.

‘‘Don’t tell me to shut up, Adam! Tell your cousin and your fake husband here to just go. Simple as that, yet you can’t do it. Do I need to remind you what happened before with you and Jeffrey? Don’t tell me you are considering me to be kicked out, when I am the one who stood by you all this time! ‘’

‘’Just shut the fuck up! Can you just shut up, Drake, please?’’ Kris’ heart couldn’t take what he was witnessing. This is too much and he could end it right now.

‘’My decision is final, I’m leaving, Adam.’’ Kris said to Drake’s delight.

‘’No! You are not leaving this house, Kristopher.’’ Adam sternly said that made Kris’ stomach constrict. He winced in pain.

‘’What?! Can’t fucking believe—‘’ Drake yelled at Adam which just made him more angry.

‘’Well you better be, if not, the door is open and I won’t stop you.’’ Adam said pointing to the direction of the front door; Drake was so shocked that he forgot even how to blink. Kris held his belly when it constricted again. He held on Jeff’s tighter that made him glance down at him.

‘’Kris?’’ he asked softly. ‘’Are you alright?’’

‘’Ughh’’ Kris manage to say as his belly became excruciatingly painful.

Adam ran to his side, his hands were shaking when he grabbed Kris’ hand to hold. ‘’Kris, baby, what happened?’’ he asked worriedly. Jeff stepped back when Kris’ hand slipped from his to hold on his belly.

‘’I think she is coming… oh god! Ughh, Adam, it’s so painful.’’ Adam was holding him for support and Kris held his arm and dug his fingernails into his husband’s skin. He was clenching his teeth and crying in pain. Then he felt he was being lifted up, but the constriction was so mind numbing that he couldn’t even think of what happened next.

‘’Jeff, hurry, you drive!’’ Adam shouted. Kris was seated at the back seat with Adam hugging him, whispering ‘’It’ll be fine, baby. I am here. Just hold my hand. Yeah, like that’’ Adam was kissing his temple. He tried to act like he was okay, but his hands were shaking. Jeff was driving fast and cursing under his breath.

‘’Jeff, focus we don’t need to get in an accident.’’ Adam yelled from the back seat when the car swiveled and almost ran into another car. He was holding Kris in his arm, while Kris was biting his bottom lip in pain.

‘’Sorry, I am just worried. Is he alright?’’ he caught Jeff’s eyes in the front mirror. He felt sorry for yelling at him when it was obvious that he was as nervous and terrified as he was.

‘’Yeah, I think so. Kris, we’re almost there, baby. Just take a deep breath, okay.’’ Kris nodded, but still his eyes were closed. Tears were running down his cheeks and Adam wiped it with his thumb. ‘’It’ll be okay, everything will be okay.’’ Adam didn’t know who he was convincing, Kris or himself.

They arrived at the hospital ten minutes later and Kris was immediately seen by the doctor. He was being transferred to the operating room after few minutes. Adam and Jeff were pacing on either side of his bed. They both looked so worried and Kris tried to give both men a smile, but turned into grimace when the pain struck again. Adam held his hand and kept squeezing it. When they reached the door that it wasn’t allowed for them to enter anymore, Jeff slightly bent forward to whisper in Kris’ ear.

‘’Don’t worry, everything will be okay.’’ He said while planting a kiss on Kris’ forehead.

‘’Will you be there when I wake up?’’ Kris asked which made Adam want to know if Kris wanted him to be there too when he woke up.

‘’Yeah, I’ll always be there for you. Remember that, okay?’’

Kris nodded and said a soft ‘’okay’’ to Jeff. Then he looked up at Adam and tried to give him a smile.

‘’Whatever happens—Adam, please promise me that you’ll take care of my baby girl. Promise me.’’ Kris said that made Adam shiver ‘ _No, nothing’s gonna happen to Kris or to their baby girl’_ he thought.

‘’Kris, nothing will happen to you or to our baby girl.’’ He said what he was thinking and hoping, not what he was afraid of. Kris didn’t seem to accept what Adam had said because he was shaking his head and held on his hand tighter.

‘’Promise me.’’ Adam wanted to cry when he saw a tear fall down from Kris’ eyes. He reached to wipe it and bent forward to cup his cheeks and looked at Kris’ eyes.

‘’I promise.’’ Then he captured Kris’ lips in a kiss.

Kris kissed him back and whispered ‘’Thank you.’’

Then Kris was being carried away from Adam and Jeff, leaving them both standing in the hallway. They both walked to the waiting room and started pacing like a caged animals. Sometimes, they were both so caught up with their deep thoughts that they almost bumped into each other.

‘’This is crazy. Can we just sit and calm down a little bit?’’ Adam said which made Jeff smile and nod his head in agreement. ‘’I think we forgot to call anyone. I’ll call Kris’ parents. You call  mom and dad.’’

After few minutes, Kris’ parents arrived and Adam didn’t know how to react in front of them. After giving them a hug, he stepped aside as always and let them talk to Jeff. After a few more moments, his parent’s arrived followed closely by Shirley.

After hugging his parents and all of them started to talk with Kris’ parents, Adam sat in a corner and rubbed his face roughly. He hid his face in his hands with elbows resting on his knees.

‘’He will be fine’’ Said the voice who sat beside him. When he looked up, it was Kris’ father, Neil.

‘’Yeah, yeah, I know that. But, I don’t know, I’m still worried and so terrified.’’ He confessed, but it made him feel a little better.

‘’That’s normal for a father and a husband to feel when their husband is delivering their baby.’’ Neil patted his shoulder gently and stood up and walked to Kim and his parents who were talking on the other side of the room. This made him really feel good, with Kris’ father talking to him like that.

He knew they have started in a wrong foot and he regretted everything he has done since Kristopher came into his life. He regretted how he treated him and his family. He regretted how foolish he was to let Kris fall for Jeff. He wished he could turn back the hands of time and he was so sure he’d do it differently this time.

His eyes flickered to where his cousin was. He was sitting alone too across from him. He was looking blankly at his shoes like he was so fascinated by them. But Adam knew better. His cousin was in love with his husband.

He was in a deep thought when a voice broke through the waiting room.

‘’Mr. Lambert’’ The doctor called looking around the room for the owner of the name.

‘’Yes!’’ both Adam and Jeff said, both stood up at the same time, looking more nervous than they’ve ever been.

The doctor stared at them both, looking so confused. The room was so quiet and the tension was palpable. Then Jeff seemed to deflate and gestured his hand to Adam’s direction and sat down again murmuring softly his apologies.

The doctor nodded his understanding and continued to walk to Adam who was unconsciously picking his nails.

‘’Mr. Lambert?’’ the doctor asked again, like he wanted to be sure after what happened moments ago.

‘’Adam Lambert I’m Kris’ husband. H-how is he and my baby, doc?’’ his name tag says, Dr. Smith.

‘’The baby is fine. She is in the nursery room right now and you can check on her after few minutes.’’ Adam smiled at that. His body was full of excitement to hold her. He saw everyone was happy to hear that too, Kim was wiping her eyes while Neil was rubbing her back.

‘’How about Kris? Is he alright? Can I see him now?’’ Adam asked, he couldn’t wait to see Kris and bring to him their baby. But as soon as he saw the face of Dr. Smith, Adam felt like he wanted to vomit. ‘’Dr. Smith, where is my husband?’’

‘’I’m sorry, Mr. Lambert, but Kristopher is in coma. He had seizure after waking up from anesthesia, he suffered from postpartum Eclampsia.’’ Adam heard Kim’s gasp and sob. But he was so numb that he couldn’t even move. ‘’ We are closely monitoring his blood pressure and doing some analysis, and we should have results in few hours. But as of now, Kris is in critical condition and transferred to his private room. I don’t recommend a visit but you can go and see him for a few minutes, but only a few minutes.’’

Adam looked at Kris’ parents and his heart sank at what he saw. Kim and Neil were hugging and crying.

‘’Please let his parents come with me too. They needed to see him. Please Dr. Smith.’’ Dr. Smith was shaking his head.

‘’We cannot have too many people there, Mr. Lambert.’’

‘’Let them go, I’ll wait until it is allowed for him to be visited.’’ He said that which made Kim and Neil look at him with grateful stares.

‘’Okay, the three of you can go in but only for five minutes.’’

‘’Oh thank you!’’ Kim said in between sob.

‘’It’s alright, Mrs. Allen. Please follow me.’’

Adam looked at Jeff and he saw him wiping his eyes, but he continued his pace to follow the doctor to Kris’ room.

When they were inside the room, Kim was holding his sob back at Kris’ sight. Neil was rubbing her back but couldn’t stop the tears flowing from his eyes. Adam just stood there, looking at Kris who was lying on the bed. He was too frail and there were so many tubes connected to his fragile feature that made his knees weaken.

Kim and Neil both kissed Kris’ forehead and stood in the corner to give him time too. Adam slowly walked toward Kris and held his hand and stroked his thumb gently at Kris’ knuckles. He leaned in to whisper to his ear.

‘’Kris, you need to wake up. You need to wake up for our baby. She needs you.’’ His tear fell from his face. ‘’I need you. I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.’’

Then he kissed his temple. ‘’I promise to give you whatever you want. Whatever Kris I would give up my own happiness just you wake up, please.’’

‘’Adam, we need to go.’’ Neil said.

Adam nodded, but leaned in again to whisper, ‘’Jeff is out there, worried sick about you too. He will be there when you wake up just like he promised.’’ Then he kiss his forehead and left with Kim and Neil.

When they reached the waiting room, nobody was in there. Adam called his mom and she said they were at the nursery station. The three of them almost tripped on their own shoes from walking faster than they ever could.

When they reached the nursery, Adam saw his family crowded the glass that separated the babies to the people who were watching them.

‘’Oh my—Eber, see her eyes. Do you think what I’m thinking about the color?’’ he heard his mother exclaim in excitement. ‘’Kim, look at our granddaughter. Isn’t she lovely?’’

‘’Oh dear lord! My little angel Neil, she’s perfect.’’ Kim said and hugged her husband again.

‘’Adam, come. Look at her.’’ Neil called him when he noticed he was still standing at the back. Adam never felt like this before. His body was like being lifted up to the highest heaven in the anticipation of first look of his baby.

He slowly walked to the partition glass. When he was at it, his eyes looked confusedly at the babies on the other side. There were like fifteen babies on it, and he wasn’t so sure which one his family was looking at. He glanced at her mom on his side. She smiled at him, pointing to the baby with number eight on the top of his cot.

Adam looked at where his mom pointed him to look and saw his baby girl for the first time. Adam’s face broke out in a smile and pressed his face on the glass. When he saw an attending nurse walk by the babies, he softly knocked the glass. When she looked at him, Adam pointed at his little one.

After a few moments, the nurse opened the door with the baby in her arms. Adam walked up to her and looked down at the tiny little ginger wrapped in a pink fleece.

‘’Here you go.’’ She was gently putting her to Adam’s arms. ‘’Maddie, meet your dad.’’

‘’Maddie?’’ Adam asked in confusion. She looked up at him with a sweet smile on her face.

‘’Yeah Dr. Smith said, Kris, your husband told him before the operation to call her that. That’s what we wrote on her file too. So, Adam, meet your daughter Maddie Michelle Lambert.’’

Adam was so overwhelmed and couldn’t even hold his emotion. He was crying and smiling in euphoria.

‘’Hi, Maddie I’m your father, your Papa. We’ll visit daddy when he gets better okay? He will be very happy to see you.’’ Adam didn’t know that it was possible to love someone that you have only seen for few seconds, but he was so deeply in love with little Maddie. He kissed her head and almost squealed when she opened her eyes and to Adam’s delight, she obviously has his eye color.

‘’Let me hold her.’’ Kim said excitedly, forgetting for a moment about Kris’ condition. Adam smiled at her and passed the baby gently. He stepped back and looked at his family and Kris’ family crowding the little Maddie. Wishing Kris would wake up from his coma. His eyes glistened with tears again remembering what Kris had gone through with him.

After few moments, he noticed that Jeff wasn’t there. He knew he was so worried about Kris, so he walked away from the group in search for his cousin. He tried the cafeteria but he wasn’t there. He walked for few more minutes, checking hallways and waiting rooms but Jeff wasn’t there. He tried to call, but it all went to his voicemail. Lastly he tried the parking and to his relief, he found him in his car. He was sitting on the driver’s seat with his head resting on the steering wheel, the sounds were blasting from the radio that made Adam wince when he opened the door and heard how loud it was.

He pushed the stop button as he sat in the passenger’s seat. Jeff’s head lifted up from the steering wheel and looked at him with his bloodshot eyes. Adam’s heart twisted at the sight of his cousin. He knew exactly how he felt.

‘’I whispered to him that you’re worried sick about him and that you’re going to be there when he wakes up.’’ Adam said without looking at Jeff.

‘’Ad, I’m so scared.’’ Jeff gripped on the steering wheel tightly.

‘’I know, me too.’’ He answered.

‘’You don’t understand. I can’t lose Kris, Adam. I can’t. I don’t know if I can survive it this time. I can’t get through it again with what I went through with Eric. When Eric died, I thought it was impossible to feel like this again. But I was wrong.’’ Jeff looked at him, tears falling down his face. ‘’I love Kris, Adam, and he can’t leave me, not again.’’

Adam was in shock. He knew when Eric died, he was full of rage. He couldn’t sympathize with Jeff. But now, he understood him. He felt his pain.

He lived for so long with so much hatred for his cousin. Not even for a second had he thought of what he had been through. How miserable he was when he lost Eric and how his life had become so fucked up because he lost both his lover and his best friend. Adam felt so guilty for letting his cousin have gone through with it alone. He fucking left him when he needed him the most.

He grabbed Jeff’s head and hugged him, like every time when he was in trouble years and years ago.

‘’He won’t leave us. We won’t lose Kris.’’ a single tear fell down his face in defeat. Adam was willing to start over with Kris. To make everything right between them he would beg for Kris’ forgiveness. He was sure to fight for Kris, to make him see how he regretted everything he has done with him. But how could he fight when he felt he was losing the battle even before he wanted to start. ‘’You will not lose him, I promise.’’

It was already 2 days, but Kris still hadn’t awoken. Adam didn’t leave his side and refused to go home even just for a while to get rest. Instead he asked Shirley to get him some clothes and some personal stuff from his house. He asked her to get some for Jeff too. Jeff hadn’t gone home since two days ago; he stayed at the hospital with Adam.

Though Jeff was in the hospital with him, he never crossed a boundary to raise some issues. He stayed in the chair away from the bed where Adam sat beside his husband. Adam gave him some time alone with Kris, having to go to cafeteria or for taking a long shower. Because of how much hurt it must be in knowing they loved the same man again, deep in his heart he understood him that he needed some alone time with Kris.

One time when he got back from buying coffees and chatted with some on-duty nurses in the station, he found Jeff sleeping on the chair that Adam usually sat beside Kris’ bed. He was holding Kris’ hand with his head resting on his arm. He could clearly see the tracks of tears that had gone dry on Jeff’s face.

Adam put down the coffees and walked out the room with tears in his eyes. He really couldn’t understand how his and Jeff’s life became so complicated like this. It was like being on the edge of a cliff and choosing between jumping off it or just stand there waiting for the hyenas to tear his flesh. Either way, he would be hurt.

Five days more have passed but Kris still hadn’t woken up yet and it was scaring Adam like he had never been before. He cancelled all his schedules indefinitely and would never leave the hospital or rarely leave Kris’ side. If he felt like crying or if the pain watching Kris like that was too much to endure, he would visit Maddie and hold her in his arms.

The afternoon of the 9th day of Kris in the hospital, Adam was sitting in the hallway after Kris’ parents left the room. He was giving Jeff some alone time with Kris. He turned on his phone for the first time in nine days and regretted it as soon as it flooded with texts and voicemails. He opened to check if there were some important messages, but he found out around ninety five percent of the texts were from Drake. He tried to open one message and it was really not a good idea after reading

Drake’s threat. He turned off the phone again and roughly shoved it to his pocket.

He stood up and made his way to the nursery and stayed there for so long that he made the attending nurse give her permission to bring Maddie to Kris’ room. Adam was so happy that he was talking animatedly to Maddie on their way to the room. While walking, he heard an emergency call for Dr. Smith and some resident doctors to a room number that was awfully familiar. He stopped dead  in his tracks listening again to the voice over and he was shivering with fear when he confirmed that it was really Kris’ room.

He held Maddie  in his arms and almost ran the long hallway. When he was finally in front of Kris' door, he couldn't bring himself to go inside. He saw some nurses going in and out the room and Adam was too afraid to even ask. But one nurse stopped in front of him with wide smile on her lovely face.

‘’Adam, Kris has woke up.’’ He blinked his eyes repeatedly looking at her in disbelief. When he didn’t move, she called his name as if to shake him up from whatever spell he was under. ‘’Adam?’’

Then Adam smiled at her and looked down at Maddie, ‘’Hear that baby girl? Daddy is awake.’’ He gave Maddie a kissed on her cheek and turned to the nurse, ‘’Thank you, Cynthia.’’

‘’No prob… Go, Dr. Smith has finished checking him. You can ask him the details.’’ Cynthia said. Then Adam nodded at her and opened the room slowly. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder.

Then he saw him. He still looked so fragile, but he was awake. That was more important. Kris was lying with the bed tilted up a bit. Dr. Smith was on his left side, talking with the nurse while Jeff was standing on his right bending down stroking Kris’ face. Kris was looking up at him with a smile on his face. Then Jeff leaned in to kiss Kris’ forehead. Kris closed his eyes and seemed to feel the kiss that Jeff gave him.

‘’Adam, good you are here. Kris woke up and I need to talk to you after few minutes at my office.’’ Dr. Smith said when he saw Adam came in.

Kris opened his eyes and locked gazes with him. They just stared at each other for few moments until Kris’ eyes fell to the baby on his arms. Then he saw some tears fall from Kris’ eyes. He glanced down at Maddie, giving her a smile and looked back up at Kris.

‘’Maddie?’’ Kris asked Adam. He nodded and walked toward his husband and gave him their baby.

‘’Oh my god, Maddie, my baby’’ Kris was crying while hugging her. Adam sat on the bed beside Kris and looked at his family. His heart was like going to burst from happiness in any moment. He never thought the sight of Kris and Maddie would fill the hole in his heart. He never thought they would complete him and make him whole again.

He never thought he’d find the missing pieces in his life and he was staring at them.

They stayed like that for few more minutes until Kris felt sleepy again from the medication Dr. Smith had infused in his IV’s. Adam returned Maddie to the nursery and went directly to doctor’s office. Dr. Smith updated him with Kris’ condition and improvement. He was there for almost half an hour and when he returned to Kris’ room, it was already full of their families and friends.

Everyone hugged him, happiness on their faces. Even Kim and Daniel who rarely talked with him hugged him so tight that he thought he cracked some ribs. Kris stirred after an hour and asked for food. Kim happily fed him and everyone was just happy and so thankful that Kris was doing well.

After a few more days and Kris’ blood pressure had normalized, the doctor discharged him. After settling the bills and everything, Adam brought Kris and Maddie to his house. Though he saw some hesitance in Kris’ eyes, he didn’t refuse.

Jeff drove the car, while Adam sat in the back with Kris and the baby in the car seat. They rode in silence and when they arrived, Adam wanted to ask Kris if he would agree to sleep in his room. That way he could monitor him especially at night. But he didn’t bother to ask when he felt Kris stiffen as they were nearing the master’s room.

‘ _He might be thinking that Drake is still here.’_

His room is not a good place for Kris to be. So he brought him to his old room and settled the baby in her room. It was his first time to be in it, and he saw how beautiful it was. It was covered in pink wall and pink baby furniture. Kris did a great job with Maddie’s room. He laid her on her Pink Crib and covered her with a fleece blanket to keep her warm. After kissing her cheeks, he made his way to Kris’ room but before he could enter he saw from the opened door that Jeff and Kris were kissing.  
And it wasn’t just kissing, like a friendly kind of kissing. It was a passionate one. Kris was closing his eyes with his hand on Jeff’s chest. Jeff was holding Kris’ neck while the other one was gripping lightly on his waist.

Adam tore his eyes away from them. He felt like a ten wheeler truck had run through him. He turned his back away from his cousin and his husband and stayed in Maddie’s room. He took her to his arms and sat on the rocking chair. He hummed all the lullabies that he knew of while rocking Maddie that was peacefully sleeping on his chest.

_‘’J-Jeff, I-I’m sorry. I can’t.’’ Kris said breaking the kiss. He didn’t know what happened but he knew he kissed Jeff back. He couldn’t do this, not when he was still married. Adam might be screwing around but for him, he wasn’t brought up like that. He had kissed Jeff once before when he was so upset with Adam, but his conscience bugged him for weeks for doing that._

__

_‘’Yeah, I know. And I’m sorry for kissing you. It’s just that, I still can’t believe you are here with us. You scared me, Kris. Don’t do that again, okay? ’’ Jeff said while stroking Kris’ cheek with his thumb._

__

_‘’Okay’’ Kris said, ‘’Jeff, I know you are a good friend to me and I wouldn’t get through with what I have been in this house if it wasn’t for you. But, we can’t do this.’’_

__

_Kris sighed and looked at Jeff in the eyes. ‘’I am married to Adam. This isn’t right. I know I’ve kissed you before and it wasn’t right either. And…’’ he trailed off, looking down at his hand._

__

_‘’and you are in love with him.’’ it wasn’t a question. Kris glanced up at him. ‘’I need to talk to Adam. He needs to stop messing around. Or else’’_

__

_‘’I’m not so optimistic about my relationship with Adam, but I still hope.’’_

__

_Jeff nodded and leaned in to kiss Kris’ forehead. He left after few minutes to let Kris take his much needed rest._

  


Kris woke up after few hours. He drank a glass of water that was on his night stand and stood up and made his way to Maddie’s room. He walked hurriedly thinking his baby might be alone in there for long. When he opened it though, to his relief he found Adam, his husband, was asleep on the rocking chair with little Maddie on his chest.

Kris wanted to cry right then and there. He was so happy, and looking at Adam like that, he almost forgave him from all that he has done almost.

Looking at his husband with his baby like that made him want to work things out with Adam.

Maybe there was still hope for them. Maybe Adam would finally realize that he wanted to have a family and won’t file for divorce.

‘’Adam?’’ Kris patted his shoulder after looking at them for so long. ‘’Wake up.’’

‘’Hmm?’’ Adam began to stir but he was holding the baby like somebody wanted to steal it from him.

‘’Kris, hey’’ He said when he opened his eyes and found him there.

‘’You go to your room. You need to rest, you know.’’ Kris was looking down at him with worried eyes. Then Adam’s eyes fell down to Kris’ lips and his heart twisted at the memory of him kissing with his cousin. He tore his eyes away from Kris and looked down at Maddie instead.

‘’Who says I didn’t get rest?’’ he smiled lovingly at Maddie. Then he remembered, against his will he asked because he wanted to know. He wanted to know if Jeff slept in Kris’ room. ‘’Is Jeff still sleeping?’’

‘’Yeah, you know him, he sleeps like a log.’’ Kris chuckled and Adam tried to smile but his heart was aching like he didn’t know what to do with it. He assumed Jeff slept in Kris’ room.

That night, Kris’ mom stayed with them to help them with the baby. The nanny that Adam hired would arrive the next day and both Maddie’s Grand moms weren’t comfortable leaving the baby with the new dads. Besides, Kris’ condition was still being monitored and he shouldn’t be stressed out to avoid any more complications. Adam’s mom wasn’t that confident that he would take care of the baby like she thought he would.

After the nanny came that morning and making sure to tell her what she needed to know, Adam locked himself in his room. He was pacing in the middle of the room with his phone on his hand.  
He had been thinking for days now. It wasn’t like he was not sure of what he was going to do, but he was more worried of the consequences that followed it. He was sure that Drake would retaliate. He was the type that wouldn’t just let things go that easily, he would always do something to hurt you back. That’s what he was afraid of. He didn’t know what he was going to do with him if he would try to hurt Kris or Maddie.

He took a deep breath and punched in Drake’s number.

‘’What took you so long to call me?’’ Drake’s blurted out without saying hello. Well, that was expected. It was over 2 weeks since they last heard from each other.

‘’Drake, I need to talk to you in person.’’ Adam said calmly. He was so desperate to make things right with Kris.

‘’Why, you need me for your urgent booty call? Kristopher isn’t giving you any? I know you can’t stand without me, baby.’’ Drake said proudly.

Adam sighed, ‘’No, I don’t need any of that. I need to talk to you.’’

‘’So, why not tell me now?’’ his voice sounded so piss and Adam expected it to be more than just pissing Drake when he heard what he was going to say.

‘’I need to talk to you in person, not like this.’’

‘’Oh, I get it. You are breaking up with me. You wanted to tell me that you want to be with that whore than me. Oh, okay, alrighty then.’’ Drake furiously rambled.

‘’Drake, don’t do this. We need to talk.’’

‘’For what to say _‘I’m sorry because I finally realized that I’m in love with the whore'_ Save yourself from trouble, Adam ’’ Drake yelled.

‘’I’m so sorry, Drake. You know that I did love you. I hope you can forgive me someday.’’

‘’Oh please, cut the crap. You know me better than that.’’ now, this is what Adam was afraid of.

‘’Drake, please.’’ He pleaded; he rubbed his temple in circular motion and sat on the edge of the bed.

‘’What? You think I would just let this all slide down? No way in hell, Adam. I would make sure that whore would suffer and that he would regret the day he ruined our lives!’’ Drake was seething with rage as he continued, ‘’you are in delusion if you think Kris would actually want to be with you when he obviously likes Jeff. When that happens, you’ll be on your own, Adam alone just what you’ve always had.’’ Then he hung up.

Adam sat there for a long moment. He was too worried at what Drake might do to Kris or to Maddie. But his mind was also bothered at what Drake has said.

__

_‘’What if he’s right?’’_

Remembering what he saw in the hospital weeks ago. How devastated Jeff was and how he felt so guilty that he had let him in that miserable life for so long. Promising himself to never let his cousin be in that situation again. He knew how he cared for Kris and that it would make him so miserable if he lost him. He knew exactly what happened after the loss of Eric. He wouldn’t want Jeff to be in that situation again.

__

_‘’But what about me?’’_ he thought. _‘’Now that I finally admitted to myself that I love Kris and I want to keep my family, can I really give them up for Jeff? Can I give up my happiness for my cousin’s sake?’’_

Adam slept that night after the break of dawn. He was so tired and restless. But his sleep was shortly interrupted by a pounding on his door after several hours. He groaned in annoyance for a split second but jerked up in wide eyes as his mind went to Maddie.

‘’Pam?’’ he asked confusedly as he open the door and found her standing there with a looked that said ‘Trouble’ in it in bold letters. ‘’What are you doing here? I thought I made it perfectly clear that I’m delaying the record—‘’

‘’We need to talk.’’ She said in calm voice, but Adam knew her better. There was something wrong.

‘’About?’’

‘’It’s Drake.’’

  


‘’What? He did what?’’ Adam asked exasperatedly. He didn’t expect Drake would take his revenge this soon.

‘’Yes, Adam Drake did an interview. Exposing your relationship with Kris the deal and everything… Everything’’ Adam couldn’t move. He was too shocked to answer.

__

_Oh god. Kris would be the one who’s really affected by this. Forget his career; he was used to this kind of press. But Kris, he would be judged by all the narrow minded people and he didn’t deserve that. Then there were his parents._

Kris’ parents wouldn’t allow him to be near Kris when they hear about this. He would be lucky if he’d catch a glimpse of his little family again after the Allen’s know what was going under his roof. He wanted to strangle his own neck. This was his entire fault. He was being haunted by his own ghost.

‘’I don’t know what I will do. Pam, what about Kris? He will be the one caught in the middle of this.’’ Adam said, deflated. He sat on the foot of his bed and rubbed his face roughly with his hands.

‘’You need to talk to Kris. You need to convince him to be with you for just a little bit longer and just to wait until this thing winds down.’’ Pam told him. Adam looked up at her in confusion.

‘’What do you mean?’’ _did Kris plan something that he didn’t know?_

‘’You two will be divorcing after he gives birth, right? That’s the plan and so that will be soon. That’s the deal, or has it change? I mean…’’ she trailed off. She was caught off guard with Adam’s change of demeanor since the first time he met Kris. It was Shirley who was around the house so often, so it was really a shock to her to witness how Adam changed since that day in the foyer 9 months ago.

‘’Y-Yeah, I guess so. I-I don’t think the deal has change.’’ Adam was so stunned at the realization. With all his thoughts about Kris and Jeff and his desperation to keep his family, he totally forgot that he was supposed to be divorcing Kris after he gave birth. That was what Kris had signed on for.

__

_Is Kris waiting for this day to come so that he will be finally free to do whatever he wants?_ The thought had hit him hard.

‘’If that so, you need to tell Kris to wait even just a couple of months and we can change the deal and add some benefits to the baby if he agrees.’’ Adam just nodded and he didn’t even hear the rest of Pam’s words because he was too preoccupied.

Pam had left but Adam was still sitting in the same position since his conversation with her. There was only one thing in his mind- _‘what if Kris wanted a divorce?’ ‘Does he want to be with Jeff?’_

He wasn’t bothered by what it might do to his career. What bothered him was what if it was too late for him to fix everything between him and Kris.

And of course before he even had the chance to talk to Kris, the Allen’s have arrived. Adam was too nervous and thought how ironic it was when he remembered the first time the Allen’s came to his house. That time, he would give millions just for them to take Kris out of his house, but now he would give everything he had for them not to take Kris away from him.

He was at Kris’ side when they met them at the foyer. Adam felt the tension and thought Daniel would punch him as he saw his deathly glares pointing at him. But he greeted them and led them to the living room, noting the looked Kim had given him.

‘’We wanted to talk to Kristopher, Adam. Alone’’ Kim said sternly. Adam panicked and looked at his husband. He wasn’t sure if Kris knew about the news but if he would let them talk to Kris alone, he was more than hundred percent sure he was out of his house in five minutes flat.

‘‘It’s okay, Adam’’ Kris told him. Adam looked at him, he begged with his eyes. Kris might understand what he was telling him because he reached for his hand and squeezed it. Adam nodded and looked at his in laws and stood. He went out of the living room and made his way to the garden and sat on the bench there.

He was sitting there waiting for someone to tell him that Kris and Maddie were gone. That thought made him cry. But he sat there, so resigned and defeated.

After what seemed like forever, but in reality it couldn’t be more than an hour, Adam heard footsteps. His heart was racing, but he refused to look at who was coming to tell him the news.

‘’Adam…’’ it was Kris, and he sat at the bench where Adam was seated. He didn’t sound like he was angry; he was so calm to Adam’s surprise.

‘’Yeah?’’ he asked without looking at Kris.

‘’My family said their goodbyes to you. They left five minutes ago.’’ That made Adam jerk his head up at Kris.

‘’They didn’t—‘’ Adam sighed, ‘’you’re going to stay?’’

‘Yes, I am. I mean, if you want me to.’’ He said hesitantly, he suddenly sounded so unsure.

‘’Yeah, of course I guess you heard about the news.’’

‘’Um, Yeah, I watched it on television even before Pam came this morning.’’

‘’I’m sorry to put you in the middle of this, Kris. Your parents are so pissed and they should be. I-I thought you’d go with them.’’

‘’They are pissed, but this is my life and this is my decision.’’ That made Adam glance at him.

‘ _Kris wanted to stay with him?’_ but then the other side of his head was telling another thing. _Or is it because of Jeff that’s why he is staying?’_

‘’Um, Kris I need to tell you something.’’ Kris looked at him and Adam thought he saw something in Kris’ eyes. Hope. ‘’Stay with me… please?’’

‘’Yeah?’’ Kris’ lip curved in a small smile. Adam thought Kris looked so excited. But maybe he was reading Kris wrong and he wouldn’t want to have his hope’s up ‘’you’d like that?’’ Kris asked.

‘’Actually…’’ he trailed off, his heart was pounding. He wanted to tell Kris that he wanted him to stay for good. That they could just burn the contract and live together as a happy family with Maddie.

But he was also terrified. What if he would tell Kris about that and he won’t agree and demanded for a divorce instead? He couldn’t stand that. He wanted to be with him and Maddie even for few months more.

‘’It was Pam’s idea.’’

‘’Sorry? What did you say?’’ Kris asked in deep confusion.

‘’Pam thought it would be better if you’d stay for few months more, until this all winded down.’’ Adam immediately explained that made Kris frown.

‘’I see.’’ Kris was biting his bottom lip, looked at the sight in front of him and sighed deeply.

‘’Yeah but they will add more benefits to you and Maddie.’’ He continued oblivious to what Kris was really feeling that time.

‘’That’s great.’’ Kris said in cold voice. Adam noticed his face turned sternly, and his jaw tighten.

Adam felt hurt at that moment too. This just meant Kris was staying because of the deal. He wanted to stay because he wanted to finish the contract before he could really move out. It really wasn’t because of him and it killed him to know that. ‘’I should be going and check on Maddie. See you at dinner.’’

Kris walked away but before he could go any farther, he turned again ‘’Just tell me if you need to go out in public to have fake dates to make sure people will not believe Drake.’’ Then he didn’t wait for any answer and continued to walk.

That night Kris was crying in his bed. Adam couldn’t ever love him. He thought he asked him to stay because Adam wanted to be with him. But no, it was Pam’s idea instead. If this shit didn’t happen, Adam might be asking his lawyer to file the divorce papers already. That thought made Kris sob even more. He wished he could tell his heart to stop loving Adam. To just man it up and leave. He really didn’t care about the money. _But is there any hope left? Can Adam possibly fall for him?_

Well, maybe, maybe not. What he needed was to have a little faith. His heart swelled when he remembered the sight of Adam and Maddie sleeping on the rocking chair. _‘Yeah, there is still hope.’_

The media has gone crazy again and Adam’s management had already released a statement saying that Adam and Kris were still together. That their marriage was for real and they were very happy with the new addition to their family, Maddie. They also made sure to tell the media that Drake was just jealous because Adam didn’t want him back and so he was blackmailing him. They had also gone out for few dinners and acted like sick lovebirds. But for the few moments they’d gone out things were so crazy that Adam was very close to punching the paparazzi who rudely asked questions to Kris. Kris just held him back and squeezed his hand to stop him from assaulting them.

But with the few weeks they had been living together after he gave birth, Adam really changed. He was a complete different person from the first time they’d met. He was so caring and sweet, not just for Maddie, but for him too. He felt it with every kiss that they shared while out in public, in every touch, and in every stare. Just remembering the morning they woke up together in that car, it felt like he was just dreaming all this. He thought after that day, it was impossible for Adam to like him.

Jeff was not around the house that much because he still work long hours, but they all would eat together like they always did for dinner. It was a little awkward at first, but eventually the three of them got used to it.

Kris becoming more hopeful as the days go by. He loved to watch Adam and Maddie sleeping during their afternoon nap. It became like their moment of the day with Maddie sleeping on Adam’s chest while rocking on a rocking chair.

With all the good things happening between him and Adam (and thank god the news about Drake’s exposé had slowly died down), Kris has yet to see where Adam wanted this relationship to end. Sometimes he was angry at himself for being this stupid but he was also willing to wait for Adam to really make up his mind, all by himself and hoping that he would want him to stay because he wanted to and not because Pam said so.

And what was making him even happier was that his demeanor when they were outside didn’t change when they were already behind doors. They became more comfortable with each other both in public or in the house. Kris and Adam spent more time together with Maddie, and sometimes they would have an afternoon picnic in the backyard, just the three of them.

He loved to see the smile and glow in Adam’s eyes. He could tell that Adam was genuinely happy and he loved Maddie so much and that made Kris’ heart swell. There were times when they were spending time together, and Adam looked so content and happy and that almost made Kris asked about staying with him. He needed to stop himself from doing that and practice some damn self-control.

The first time Adam brought him and Maddie out for shopping when she was two months old, the paparazzi followed them like crazy. But Kris didn’t even notice them because he was too focused on the way Adam was protecting Maddie on his chest. She was strapped on Adam’s chest and he was guiding her head with his hand.

That was the most beautiful sight for Kris. He found himself smiling whenever Adam unconsciously dropped a kiss on her head. And almost cried from happiness when Adam talked animatedly to Little Maddie and she giggled at him in response. That was all caught on camera and Kris didn’t find it fake or an act.

But inside his bedroom, Adam was struggling with his feelings. He knew he wanted Kris and that he and Maddie were the only ones who could complete him. But he really didn’t know the real score between Kris and Jeff. Kris has been so sweet to him, but he always been like that ever since the beginning. Adam was so confused and didn’t know what to do with it. He thought he didn’t deserve all this. He never gave Kris a chance before and now it was too complicated to fix.

That night he felt that his heart was so heavy and he thought to just drive around. He was driving around LA aimlessly. He desperately needed an answer, but all his struggling would end if he’d just man it up and talk to Kris. Tell him how he really feels and take the risk of his actions.

But his heart was screaming no! He couldn’t lose Kris and Maddie. If it means playing dumb and stupid for few more months just to have his family in his house, then so be it. This was his karma for treating Kris and Jeff like he did.

Adam stopped the car abruptly when he noticed he was at the cemetery. He didn’t know how he got there. Then the memory of that day flooded his brain. It was Eric’s funeral.

__

_He just got through with top 13 in American idol. He was reading a newspaper while resting at his hotel room. Then he saw a column about Eric’s funeral. He was frozen and felt so weak. He hadn’t had the chance to talk to anybody these past few days because he was too focused on his performance._  
_But it didn’t mean he doesn’t feel bad about what happened to him and Jeff a few days ago. He loved Eric, hell, he still does and it still hurt him thinking how Eric and Jeff had cheated on him. He was so shocked when Jeff told him about Eric’s sickness that night but Adam was still so angry at them and let his emotion get the best of him. He wasn’t thinking when he said that Jeff deserved that pain of losing Eric. What he was seeing that time was the sight of them cheating on him. His cousin that he treated like his own brother and the man that he first gave his heart had cheated on him._

__

_But he was left restless that night. He has been crying since Jeff left and he didn’t even know for sure what happened to Eric. He wanted to go to the hospital and be with the man he first truly loved, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know what was stopping him from going. Was it his pride? Was it his heart that still bleeding from what they had done to him? Was it the sight of Eric on that bed that he couldn’t fathom how he would react when he sees him?_

__

_What he did, he stayed and fought his own battle that he knew he could win. If he lost both Jeff and Eric, he would make sure that he wouldn’t lose at this competition. This is what it is and it was all he’s got left._

__

_He ran to the bathroom with his shaky legs and threw up what he ate that morning. Eric was dead. He was gone and he didn’t even see him. He cried while holding on to the toilet and threw up again until he felt he had vomited his intestines out._

__

_He stood and dressed after he had the strength to do it and hurriedly drove to the cemetery where the paper indicated. He found them immediately and stood far enough away to witness it but he made sure that no one would notice him. He felt like his heart has been ripped out of his chest when he saw his coffin being descended to the ground. He couldn’t fight back the tears. He quickly left the cemetery and cried his heart out in his hotel room._

  


Now, he was here. He didn’t know how and why but he knew he needed to have closure and he needed to lay Eric’s memories to rest. He needed to forgive him and move on. Eric for sure he believes would have wanted that for him.

He slowly walked and when he saw the Tomb with Eric’s name on it, Adam couldn’t stop the sob that escaped from his mouth. He knelt in front of it and just let his tears flow.

‘’I’m sorry, Eric. I’m so, so, sorry…’’

  


He stayed there for hours. He had been crying; telling Eric some stories that made him cry again or telling him funny ones and laughed by himself. He was leaning on the head stone after hours of being there. He felt the exhaustion and soon drifted off.

He woke up to the rays of sunlight hitting his face. He slowly opened his eyes and closed them again when it hurt. It was already morning and he felt his ass was wet with dew, _and damn it was cold!_  
He left the cemetery with his heart feeling so light. Like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He had told Eric he had forgiven him and in returned ask for forgiveness too.

He drove back home and immediately went to Maddie’s room. He was expecting the nanny to be there but instead it was Kris who he found so adorably talking to Maddie. She was giggling in return and Adam just stood there watching his husband and his baby. Kris noticed him after few moments and his expression changed as soon as he saw him. He looked so worried and Adam didn’t know why.

‘’Adam, hey…’’ Kris stood up from the rocking chair with Maddie in his arms drooling but still smiling. Their baby got her beautiful smile from her daddy Kris.

‘’Hey’’ he greeted back and wiped Maddie’s drool with a small towel that was on Kris’ shoulder.

‘’How are you feeling? Are you okay?’’ he asked worriedly.

Adam looked at him for few moments and nodded. ‘’Yeah, I am now.’’ He continued to stare at Kris.

Kris must’ve understood why Adam was staring at him confusedly because he started to stutter.

‘’Um, I noticed you went out, um, last night. And um, it seems you just got back—.’’ Kris’ face was scarlet red. ‘’I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—‘’

‘’Hey, hey, it’s okay.’’ Adam was cupping his face and his thumb was gently stroking his cheek.  ‘’It is okay you know.  And I’m really fine.’’ He said with his eyes looking at Kris with so much intensity. Kris was so lost in them. They kept staring at each other and seem to magnetize to each other. Their faces were mere inches apart, almost nose touching when Maddie let out a giggle that let them out of their daze.

Adam tore his eyes away from him and looked at their daughter. ‘’Hey there little princess come here, come to papa.’’ Kris passed her to Adam’s awaiting arms and he continued to watch when Adam sat on the rocking chair talking to Maddie.

He didn’t know how long he has been standing there but when he started to walk out the door Adam called him,

‘’Hey, Kris…’’

‘’Yeah?’’ he stopped and turned to look at him.

‘’I want to ask you if you’d like to come with me to a red carpet. Um, I was invited for the premier of the new Tom Cruise movie and Pam thought it is a good exposure.’’ He asked sounding unsure. Kris contemplated for a moment.

__

_A red carpet event?  This was the first time Adam asked him to do some stuff like that. But, was that what Adam wanted?_

‘’Is that Pam’s idea? I mean, me coming with you walking on a red carpet. Was that her idea?’’ Kris braced himself for Adam’s answer. He knew he might blow up when Adam chose the answer that he didn’t want to hear. But what was he expecting?

 

‘’No, it wasn’t her idea. Um, it was mine. I mean, if you just feel like coming with me. It is okay if you think you can’t take all the pressure. I know the media would go crazy.’’

__

_Really? Adam wanted him to come with him on a big red carpet event? His hope has upped a notch._

‘’Sure I’ll come with you. When is it?’’ he needed to contain himself from dancing with happiness, he sure would look like a fool.

‘’The day after tomorrow’’

So that was it. Kris was walking on a red carpet with his famous husband and as expected, the media has gone wild. Kris’ eyes hurt from the flashes of the cameras but he never seemed to mind because his attention was on Adam who was holding his hand tightly. He was whispering to him along the way that ‘ _it was alright_ ’ and kept on glancing down at him like he too couldn’t believe that they were walking together on a red carpet. Kris’ heart melts at Adam’s confession with one reporter when being asked about having his husband on the red carpet for the first time.

‘’Actually I’ve never brought someone to walk with me on a red carpet before. Kris is the first one. He is that special to me’’ then glancing down at him, giving him a sweet peck on the lips.

Kris has never been this happy in his life. He felt so complete, well almost complete. Adam seems like he’s trying to be a good husband and father and most importantly Drake was out of their lives—for good. But what he couldn’t understand was if Adam wanted him and Maddie to stay, why he hasn’t said anything? Before, he thought to give him more time, but it was almost 4 months since he gave birth to Maddie.

He patiently waited. But shortly after the red carpet event, Adam started to continue his recordings that he put on hold when Kris was in the hospital. His management couldn’t let him hold it for a little longer and so Adam started to write and record and he was mostly out of the house during the day.

But he made sure to call Kris and get put on speaker to hear Maddie’s laugh. Kris thought he was so sweet. And just like before, he always prepared their dinners and both Adam and Jeff hadn’t missed any of it. Though Jeff was home earlier than Adam and they actually had some time to hang out. Jeff had never changed even after the talk that they had after they’d kiss. He understood and accepted how Kris feels about him. He didn’t mention to Kris about his feelings again but Kris knew Jeff was struggling with it more than he was willing to confess.

Jeff always helped him prepare their food and just like before Kris loved how they could just laugh at simple things. Jeff was easy to be with and Kris was so grateful that he had met him and became best friends.

Adam on the other hand would always find them if not almost dying from giggling; they were having a throwing fight leaving the kitchen all messy. Adam always felt jealous every time he saw them like this especially when he saw the happiness in his husband’s eyes. He felt he had failed to make Kris that happy and he never heard him laugh like that when he was with him. He still wasn’t sure about Kris and Jeff’s exact relationship and he was a total coward asking Kris about it.

After a few days, Adam asked Kris to have dinner. They hadn’t done that for quite some time now and they both were so excited about it. They both kissed their daughter goodbye and headed to the restaurant. Adam held his hand from the moment they got out of the car and Adam hadn’t let it go until it was time to eat. Kris really enjoyed the dinner with his husband and he almost believed that Adam wanted this wanted them to stay married.

Kris didn’t want the night to be over. It was a really, really fun night for both of them. It amazed him too that Adam had brought him to where it wasn’t their usual place, and there weren’t any paparazzi following them.

Kris was so in a daze that he later realized they were standing at his bedroom door and Adam was staring down at him. He looked like he was reading something on his face.

‘’Happy Anniversary, Kris’’ Adam whispered handing him a small box.

Of course Kris knew what date was it. Of course he remembered what that day was. What he couldn’t believe was Adam had actually remembered it and they celebrated through a wonderful dinner. He thought Adam asking him out was just a coincidence that it was their Anniversary.

‘’What’s this?’’ he asked taking the box from Adam.

‘’I know we’ve started on a wrong foot and I have done a lot of terrible things to you. And I know you had lots of bad memories of this day. I just want you to have a piece of remembrance of what we have after a year from that day. ‘’

Kris opened the small box and let out a gasp when he sees a beautiful platinum bracelet. He lifted it quickly glancing up at Adam.

‘’Turn it.’’ He told Kris which he did just as he was asked to.

Kris almost cried when he read the engraved letters in it. It was their names. ‘ _Kris, Maddie, Adam_ ’  
‘’Adam…’’ he whispered as Adam took the bracelet from him and put it on his wrist. Adam didn’t let go of his hand and was staring down at him. ‘’Thank you’’ He said.

‘’Yeah’’ Adam whispered back but they kept on staring at each other until they’d noticed that their faces were so close.

Adam closed the distance and captured his husband’s lips on his. Adam kissed him so slow yet so passionate that Kris thought he would melt his body right then and there. He let go of his hand put it around Kris’ waist and pulled him closer. Kris was moaning in Adam’s mouth, lifted his hands and circled them around his husband’s neck. He moaned louder when he felt Adam’s growing erection on his stomach.

Kris didn’t know how long they were kissing but he knew he wanted more when Adam slid his hands inside his shirt and it contacted with his skin. He felt a jolt of electricity struck into his body.

He whimpered slightly when Adam pulled away from him. He was looking down at him with eyes full of want. He knew Adam was asking him, he was making sure he was okay with whatever would happen in next few minutes. And of course he was. He didn’t even know how Adam looked so unsure that he might refuse him because he was more than sure it wasn’t what his face was telling.

What Kris did was, he lifted his hand and twisted the door knob to open it. He took a step gripping on Adam’s hand in his hoping his message was loud and clear. But it turned out Adam didn’t get it because he stood his ground which made Kris turn to face him.

‘’Kris, are you sure?’’ he asked looking at him so intensely in a way that always made Kris’ knees turned into jelly.

Kris didn’t answer instead he walked and closed the small distance they had and lifted his body on tiptoes and kiss Adam’s lip. Adam stiffened for just a split second and kissed him back after registering what happened. When Kris moaned again he took that opportunity to shove his tongue into Kris’ mouth which made him moan even louder.

Adam was walking him backwards and Kris was just letting him, his mind had shut down a minute ago when Adam was playing his mouth with his tongue while gripping his ass. He knew he had only done this intimate thing once before and it was with the same man he was doing it again with. Actually he couldn’t fathom doing this with someone else that was not Adam.

Adam pushed his back to the door and kissed all the way down his neck. He threw his head back to give him more access. Then he felt Adam’s hand on his cock, he was aware they were still fully clothed but Kris felt he could come any minute just being kissed and touched by his husband.

‘’Adam….’’ He moaned in Adam’s mouth when the taller man captured his mouth again in a heated kiss. Kris couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted more. He was willing to beg if he needed to. ‘’Please…’’

Adam took pity on his husband. He took his hand and slowly led him to the bed and laid him on his back. Kris just let Adam maneuver him and his body shivered as he felt Adam slowly unbuttoning his shirt. He closed his eyes because he felt the sensations were too much and they hadn’t even started yet.

‘’Open your eyes, Kris. I want you to open your eyes. I didn’t remember anything our first time, and now I want for us to remember it all of it.’’ After he nodded, Adam positioned himself on top of Kris and continued to undo his buttons. When he was done with it, he ran his hands on Kris’ smooth chest that made the smaller man moan and bite his bottom lip.

Adam kissed him while he was unbuttoning his own shirt. He stood for a moment to take his pants off and Kris’ as well. Then Adam crawled back to bed but not before he retrieved a small pack of lube and a condom from his wallet. Kris was moaning as Adam captured his mouth in a searing kiss again that short circuited his brain. He was writhing under Adam and thought he was going crazy when his husband of one year started to stroke him and took him whole in his mouth.

Adam started to prep him shortly after while still kissing him senselessly. It stung a little bit but the pleasure overpowered the pain. Then he was begging, pleading.

Adam finally positioned himself and started to enter him. ‘’Breath, baby, breath’’ Adam said softly while rubbing his hands on Kris’ thigh. ‘’open your eyes, Kris. I want to see you.’’

Then he pushed in slowly instructing Kris to breathe until he was all the way in. Adam didn’t move and let Kris get used to the feeling.

‘’Adam, please move.’’ He pleaded. Adam guided Kris’ legs to wrap them around his hips and started to move slowly. Kris groaned and wanted more and that made Adam smile. ‘’Move faster, I won’t break, I promise.’’

‘’Okay, but tell me if it’s too much for you—‘’

‘’Shut up, just move faster.’’ Kris ordered and Adam chuckled.

And so he started to move. Slowly at first but then they seemed to find a rhythm and they were rocking together. He held on his husband’s hand and twined their fingers while looking at his eyes.

At that moment, Adam couldn’t think of anything. He forgot about his fear of losing Kris, he forgot about the real score between Kris and Jeff, he forgot about the elephant in the room which is the Divorce, he forgot everything except he was there making love to his husband. He was making passionate love to Kris whom he was in love with, whom he wanted to be with for the rest of his life.

‘’You are so beautiful, Kris.’’ he whispered, and then he was kissing him while continuing making love to him. He felt Kris was close; he was also so close to coming himself. Adam stroked Kris’ dick and as expected he was coming so hard and Adam captured his mouth and he moaned his orgasm through Adam’s mouth.

‘’Oh god!’’ Kris exclaimed unbelievably. Adam kept pounding in him and he was pushed to edge when he felt Kris’ leg wrapped too tightly around his hips to help him have leverage so that Adam could push deeper.

‘’Kris, oh fuck!’’ he said then bit his shoulder as his body spasm.

They were breathing heavily and Adam was boneless on top of him. He was heavy but Kris didn’t mind, instead he closed his eyes and stroked Adam’s back lovingly. They were still connected because Adam hadn’t pulled out of him and Kris thought it was a perfect feeling. A euphoria that only he dreamt to have and now that he was experiencing it, he didn’t want it to end.

‘’Sorry, I know I must be crushing you. But fuck Kris, I haven’t cum that hard in my life!’’ he whispered looking at him as he pulled out. Kris winced at the loss, he felt weird and empty. Adam stood up after giving him a peck on his lips and took the condom off and tied it. After discarding it in the trash beside the table, he walked to the bathroom and stayed there for a while.

Kris was almost asleep when he felt a washcloth cleaning him, but he was too tired and sleepy to even react. But then after he was all cleaned and wrapped in his blanket, he felt Adam was just sitting there and didn’t move. He wanted to see the expression on his face but he couldn’t because he was lying on his side with his back turned to Adam. Then he suddenly forgot that he was sleepy because his mind was thinking of lots of possible things.

__

_‘’Now what, what will Adam do? Will he go to his room and suddenly forget what had happened or will he stay and sleep with him in his bed?’’_

He couldn’t stop himself from wondering what Adam really feels about him, what he really feels about their love making. His heart twisted for thinking it might just lust for Adam. But he felt it wasn’t like that at all. It was different than what his mind was thinking. He felt that Adam really wanted to make love to him because he liked him or he might even start to love him. He could feel that in his every touch, in every kiss and every look that he was giving him. His eyes were expressing everything and what he could decipher from it is that Adam finally let him in into his life.

__

_‘’But why he hasn’t move from sitting there at the edge of the bed? Is he regretting it?’’_

‘’Kris, um, are you still awake?’’ Adam asked his voice was just above whisper.

‘’Yeah’’ he turned to face him and he saw what Adam’s expression was. He looked so uncertain, like he wasn’t sure if he was going to be rejected or not. Kris didn't understand why he looked like that.

‘’I-I, um, is it okay if I will stay or—‘’ Kris’ heart was jumping with happiness and he needed to stop himself from ravaging Adam again.

‘’Yes, Adam It’s okay. Come, let’s sleep. You tired the hell out of me.’’ Kris beam up at him when he saw Adam’s eyes twinkled. When Adam lifted the blanket and lied down, he pulled Kris’ body closer to him. Kris pillowed on his shoulder and rested his hand on his husband’s chest. He could feel his heart beat on it.

Then he felt Adam kissed his forehead and he hugged him tighter. Kris never thought after one year of marriage that his life could go better. After what he saw that day, on that supposed special day, he never thought his miserable life would somehow end and turn into a great one. That moment as he felt Adam’s chest rising and falling under his hand had even out, indicating that he was already asleep; Kris couldn’t stop the single tear that fell from his eyes. For the first time in a year, he cried happy tears.

  
He stirred awake when Adam shifted to stand. It was already morning but Kris still didn’t want to wake up and start his day. He wanted to cuddle with his husband more. But he pretended to be asleep to see what Adam would do. Adam regretting what happened to them the other night was the last thing on his mind. He was sure by now that Adam wanted him, or liked him or if he was a little bit lucky—he might be falling for him. His body said it louder the other night.

That thought made him smile, but he tried to hide his face on the pillow when he noticed Adam was making his way to his side of the bed. He knelt in front of him and felt his thumb gently stroking his cheek. Then he felt a tender kiss to his mouth, and Kris almost jumped in happiness when Adam whispered a soft ‘’I Love You’’.

Kris just laid there for a few more minutes savoring the moment. He was rubbing the bracelet unconsciously. He couldn’t believe his ears at what he heard. It was almost too good to be true.

  
That’s why Kris almost fainted after couple of days to find Adam handing him the papers. _The_ Divorce papers!

  


It was a really, really, nice day. Nice weather, he was in a nice mood, the food on the table was mouthwatering, and so Kris was really feeling good. How couldn’t he be, aside from those nice things he had he was finally starting to have Adam as well.

The night before, their anniversary, was the best night he ever had. They had a fine dinner, went home and made love to each other, cuddled until morning and the best of all was Adam confessing his love to him. Well, he thought he was still asleep and didn’t hear it, but still he said it and that was the answer to all his fears.

He started his day with his everyday routine and after spending some time with Maddie, he went to the university to enroll for the next semester. He still wanted to finish his education. When he went home in late afternoon, he found Jeff on the patio with a guitar on his hands. He was softly strumming it but wasn’t actually playing or singing. He was just staring blankly and seemed to be in a deep thought.

‘’Hey’’ he greeted. Jeff seemed startled but recovered immediately. He beamed at him and raked his hair away from his face.

‘’Hey, Kris what’s up?’’

‘’Just got enrolled. How about you? I see you have a guitar in your hands could this mean that you’re playing again?’’ Kris asked as he sat beside his friend.

‘’I don’t know. I really don’t know what I want to do, Kris.’’ he said fidgeting with his hands.

‘’Hey, are you alright? You know that I’m always here, you can always talk to me you know that right?’’ he was so worried about Jeff. He knew he was hurting him but Kris couldn’t actually do anything about it.

‘’Yeah of course I know that.’’

‘’So what’s bothering you?’’ Jeff looked away from him, sighing deeply. ‘’This is about me, isn’t it?’’

‘’Yes’’ he whispered but still refused to look at him.

‘’Jeff—‘’

‘’I got it Kris. Believe me, I perfectly got it. You don’t love me more than as friends; I understand that it’s Adam that you are in love with. But—‘’ he glanced down at him and Kris saw his eyes were glistened with tears. ‘’But I can’t stop loving you.’’

‘’Jeff, I’m sorry.’’ _Yeah, what else he could say?_

‘’No don’t be sorry for not loving me like that. You can’t say whom you love.’’ He could hear the sadness in his voice that made Kris wanted to cry. Hurting Jeff was the last thing he wants to do.

‘’Yeah, I guess you’re right.’’ He softly said as his thought ran to those sweet moments he had with Adam the night before.

‘’I saw it, you know.’’

‘’What?’’ he asked confusedly.

‘’Last night I saw you with Adam. I’m sorry I wasn’t intending on sneaking up on you two, but I was there and—‘’ he trailed off. Kris could feel how hurt Jeff was. ‘’I thought—Kris, when you told me that you are in love with Adam, I thought it was the end for me. I knew and I feel that you don’t feel the same way that I do from months back, but hearing that from you is—‘’ Jeff took a deep breath and held his hand.

‘’I wish that I have money like Adam does, have a house like this, so that I can give you all that I can. I would have from the moment he hurt you took you away from him, tore that contract up and gave Maddie whatever I have. Because I am so fucking hurt to see you being mistreated like that. I’m so fucking sick and tired of his cheating and downright disrespecting you right under his house. It’s really unfair that you are still here when we can be somewhere living peacefully, happily. It hurts me that you are sacrificing like this, Kris. It fucking kills me...’’ he leaned forward to kiss Kris’ forehead.

‘’But I know even if I have what Adam has, I still can’t have you. And even if Adam had nothing, he still got you.’’ Jeff paused again, looking down at him with a resigned look in his eyes. ‘’The first time I felt that I was falling for you, the first thing that came to my mind was leaving. I can’t risk betraying Adam’s trust again. He didn’t trust me that much, I know, but the fact that he opened his door for me that was something else. But I couldn’t leave you, not when you were mistreated like that.’’

‘’But now, with what I had witnessed last night. With how things turn out between you and Adam, it’s time for me to go. He loves you Kris and I saw it when you were at the hospital. And I can see how he is willing to fix everything with you, who am I to hinder that. I’m just so glad that everything turned out so great for the both of you and I couldn’t be happier when I see you this happy. I can leave knowing you are in good hands.’’ He wiped the tears that escaped his eyes.

‘’Where are you going?’’ Kris was also crying because Jeff was his best friend and he would miss him for sure.

‘’I volunteered again to Cambodia. I’m leaving tonight. I hope to talk to Adam before I leave.’’ Jeff kissed his forehead again. ‘’Just stay happy okay? I’ll miss you Kris.’’

‘’I’ll miss you too, so much. I hope you don’t need to be away. You can stay here in LA, get an apartment and you can continue with your music.’’ Kris pleaded. He understood perfectly why he needed to go away, but on the other hand felt guilty about it.

‘’I’d love to do that, but not now. I have to do this, Kris.’’

‘’Will I see you again, Jeff?’’ Kris said thinking how his perfect day turned into this.

‘’Of course, I promise you that.’’

They stayed there for hours just talking and spending some time before Jeff needed to go to the airport. Kris was crying his eyes out as they bid goodbyes to each other. Jeff kissed Maddie on her both rosy cheeks and Kris on his forehead.

Jeff had tried to reach Adam’s phone because apparently he didn’t come home that night. He let it go after several times attempting to have a conversation with his cousin but seemed to be in a bad luck.

Kris spent the night in living room waiting for Adam. He felt so sad about Jeff but thought it was for the best. Jeff would continue to be hurt if he continued to live with them. Being in Cambodia before helped him a lot, he hoped it would do the same for him this time around.

When it was already past midnight, he began to worry about his husband. He didn’t call that whole afternoon; he did once in the morning though. When he did try to call him, his phone was off. That made him worry even more, he hoped that nothing had happened to Adam.

He waited for a few more hours, but when he didn’t come and his phone was still unreachable, Kris dragged his tired body to his room and tried to catch some sleep. He drifted off to sleep after his restless mind and body couldn’t take anymore, it was almost sunrise when he finally fell asleep.

He woke up at 1 pm with a growling stomach. He tried to cook and eat and after he spent some time with Maddie, he couldn’t stop himself from knocking on Adam’s bedroom door. But no one answered it and so he let himself in without permission. It was his first time being in that room after their wedding night which he had very horrible memories from. His heart twisted at the thought but immediately wiped it away from his mind because it wasn’t the situation anymore.

Then he saw on his bedside table a picture of the three of them. He walked toward it and picked it up. It was taken when Maddie was about 2 or 3 months while they were having a picnic in their backyard. It was such a happy memory. Adam was right; they should bury the bad ones in its grave and focus on what was coming that they could have endless happy memories together. His heart swells at that and his body shivered at the anticipation of their future together.

He went out of the room after few minutes and realizing Adam still hadn’t come home since yesterday. He tried to calm down and sat himself in his favorite spot, the garden. He stayed there for almost half an hour when he heard footsteps coming his way. He turned around expectantly; he knew it was Adam before he even saw him. He beamed up at him and patted the bench beside him and Adam sat without a word. He leaned and kissed Adam on his lips and when he pulled away, he saw his husband was still with his eyes closed. Then he opened them after few seconds and smiled at him but Kris noticed that Adam's smile didn’t reach his eyes and that his face was him telling something more than what he wanted to show.

‘’Hey, something’s wrong? You seem so off. Is everything okay?’’ Kris asked worriedly.  
But instead of answering, Adam handed him a large envelope.

‘’What is this?’’ Kris knitted his brows together in confusion. Adam refused to look at him and that made him more nervous. Adam didn’t answer him either; he just clasped his own hands and looked down in resignation.

When he seemed to not get any answers from his unusually quiet husband, Kris opened the envelope with his shaky hands. He really didn’t know what it could possibly be and why his husband looked so upset?

Kris’ breath caught up in his throat and the papers fell out of his hands. He thought he would faint and gripped at the edge of the bench for support. Of all the things he expected, filing for divorce was not one of them. Not after their anniversary night. He struggled to breath and clutched at his heart, it hurt so fucking hard.

‘’I made sure that you and Maddie have gotten all your benefits. And I hope we could stay friends for Maddie’s sake. I still want to be her father, if you’ll let me...’’ for the first time Adam looked at him, his eyes were misty and he looked like he would cry at any moment. Kris was all numb and couldn’t feel anything. ‘’ I’m letting you go now, Kris. You are free to go.’’

With that Adam stood up and walked away from him without looking back.

__

_What happened? I thought we are okay? He said he loves me. I should know better than to believe the master heart breaker Adam Lambert. I just wish I didn’t let my hopes up that much because it’s fucking hurting!_ He was sobbing for he didn’t know how long. He was so wrong when he thought his miseries had already ended. Now he knew they just started.

After getting some courage and strength to walk to his room, Kris packed all his and Maddie’s things and they were out of the house that evening. Adam wasn’t home, he didn’t even care to say goodbye to them.

__

_Adam woke up feeling so perfectly great. He felt like he could conquer the world if he wanted to. How couldn’t he when he woke up with his husband on his side. He looked at Kris’ back remembering what they did the night before. It was so perfect and Adam was sure that it would be engrave in his memories as long as he was alive._

__

_But he was still torn about what Kris wanted. He wasn’t sure that he really wanted him. He should talk to him and Jeff, he knew that was inevitable but he was too cowardly to do it in the first place. But he needed to and he decided to talk to Kris later today. He knew he had promised Jeff that he wouldn’t lose Kris. He loved his husband and would give whatever he wanted. And if that means he wanted to be with Jeff then he would respect his decision. He would be devastated but he just couldn’t deny Kris what his heart really wants and because it was his fault in first place and he deserved whatever pain it cost him._

__

_He walked to Kris side of bed after putting on his clothes. He knelt beside it and stared at his beautiful husband. Whatever happened after their talk, he knew he’d always loved him. He loved him that much to give up his own happiness. He leaned forward and kissed Kris’ lips wishing that he hadn’t done what he did to Kris. He would never blame him if he would chose Jeff over him, anyway it almost like impossible that Kris would choose him._

__

_He went home that afternoon with a main purpose of talking to Kris and maybe later on with Jeff after hearing Kris’ decision. He was trembling and his heart was pounding in his chest as he let himself inside his house. It was late afternoon and he knew exactly where he could find his husband. He walked to the patio door feeling like he was walking through fire. The walk from the front door to the patio was so short to his liking. He took a deep breath as he was about to push the door because it was slightly open, he closed his eyes to calm himself a bit._

__

_At that moment, he heard voices from the other side of the door. He couldn’t make out what they were conversing about but he was sure it was Jeff’s voice. His heart was racing and he even thought he would have a heart attack at any moment. He didn’t want to eavesdrop but his curiosity always got the best of him. He might be terrified at what he might hear or see but there was no better time to know what’s really going on between Kris and Jeff than that moment._

__

_He pushed the door slightly just enough to peak his head in and he saw them sitting on the stairs and Jeff was holding his husband’s hand. They both looked like they were going to cry. Then he heard,_

**__**

**_‘’I wish that I have money like Adam does, have a house like this, so that I can give you all that I can. I would have from the moment he hurt you took you away from him, tore that contract up and gave Maddie whatever I have. Because I am so fucking hurt to see you being mistreated like that. I’m so fucking sick and tired of his cheating and downright disrespecting you right under his house. It’s really unfair that you are still here when we can be somewhere living peacefully, happily. It hurts me that you are sacrificing like this, Kris. It fucking kills me...’’_ ** _As soon as he saw Jeff leaned in to kiss his husband he tore his eyes from them and walked away. He didn’t need to see them being all intimate when actually being intimate with Kris was still fresh in his mind. When he was far enough to not over hear what they were doing at the patio, Adam leaned on the wall because his knees weakened and he felt like someone had punched his gut and knocked his breath out._

__

_He tried to get out of the house and sat in his car. He was crying after realizing he already knew the truth. Kris was just with him because of the deal and nothing more. That he and Jeff both suffer when they could have a beautiful life together like they wanted to have. But because of their stupid deal, and for extending it, he didn’t know he was making two people in love live in a very hard place._

__

_He had to make a decision and he didn’t have to talk to Kris anymore, he knew exactly what his husband wanted. It hurt, it really, really hurt to let him go but he guessed this was for the best. He drove to Alisan’s house and cried on her shoulders. After composing himself, he called his attorney for the divorce paper and stayed with Alisan until his attorney arrived the next afternoon with the divorce paper in his hands._

__

_When he saw Kris in the garden that same afternoon, he wanted to forget the divorce paper in his hands. When Kris actually kissed him and he kissed him back, he wanted to just beg for Kris to stay with him. But he knew he couldn’t do that, as that would just create more problem than solving them._

_What he would do was for everyone’s sake. He would deal with his broken heart after, what was more important was for Kris to be happy. And if being together with his cousin was the only way to give him that happiness, then so be it. He thought he saw in Kris’ face that he was shock to see the divorce papers. He didn’t want him to think that he did something to make him end their deal. He needed to tell him that he was still compensated just what they had signed._

**__**

**_‘’I made sure that you and Maddie have gotten all your benefits. And I hope we could stay friends for Maddie’s sake. I still want to be her father, if you’ll let me...’’ for the first time Adam looked at him, his eyes were misty and he looked like he would cry in any moment. ‘’I’m letting you go now, Kris. You are free to go.’’_ **

__

_That’s it, he said it already. He just wished Kris would allow for him to continue being Maddie’s father, that he could still visit them. But before he started to break down in front of Kris, he stood up and walked away without looking back. Because he couldn’t risk letting Kris see the tears that fell from his eyes._

  


It’s been almost 4 days since Adam cooped up in Alisan’s guest’s room. It’s only been a painful but very long 4 days, but it felt like a century had passed. The time dragged so painfully slow and Adam felt like he had gone crazy in any moment. He turned off his phone and told Alisan that he didn’t want to be disturbed.

He just lay on the bed, cuddling with a pillow, tears in his eyes looking at the picture frame that he asked Alisan to take from his bedroom when she grabbed some clothes for him that same night he gave Kris the divorce papers. Alisan confirmed to him that Kris and Maddie were gone and Adam didn’t stop sobbing that night.

He refused to be consoled even after Alisan begged to be with him that night. He wanted to be alone.

He just wanted to cry his sorrow out alone. And besides he didn’t have the strength to have friends around because he didn’t want to talk about it, well not yet.  
He was lying on the bed, his back to the door, stroking the picture in his hand when his mother came barging in unannounced.

‘’Adam Mitchel Lambert, you explain to me right this moment about what happened. Why Kris and my granddaughter are with the Allen’s and why are you here hiding? We have been looking for you for days, for god sake! Don’t you have any idea how worried we were?’’ Adam didn’t even flinch. He just continued to stroke the picture of Kris’ face in his hands.

‘’Adam…’’ she whispered softly when she noticed Adam looked so broken. She was angry and disappointed in her son, but she was a mother first especially when her son looked like he could use a mother at that moment.

‘’I filed for divorce, mom. It’s over. Me and Kris were over.’’ A tear had escaped his eyes. Leila’s heart was broken at the sight of his son. Adam still hadn’t moved he didn’t even glance at his mother.

‘’But why? I thought you and Kris were getting along so well these days?’’ she asked in confusion because yeah she was so confused.

She and Kim were frequently visiting their house and they saw the two of them so close, so sweet and they could tell that they were in love from the way they stare and look at each other. The Allen’s even warmed up again to Adam after they’d learned about Kris’ situation before under Adam’s care. They didn’t trust him hundred percent but they were getting there because they could really see the change in Adam. And they couldn’t forget how Adam took care of Kris while he was in the hospital. They knew it was really a long way until they could totally forgive the guy, but Kris loved him and gave him a second chance, so they were willing to as well.

‘’He doesn’t want me.’’

‘’What? Says who? Adam, is this a joke or something? Can you please explain everything to me?’’ for the first time, Adam glanced up at his mother.

‘’Kris is in love with another man.’’ He whispered and he saw how his mother’s eyes grew so big if they weren’t in a serious conversation, Adam could have laugh at it.

‘’What!?’’ she shouted in confusion. ‘’What are you talking about?’’

‘’He just stayed with me because of the contract.’’ He continued to stroke the picture.

‘’Are you sure about this? Because…’’ when Adam nodded, she continued ‘’with whom?’’  
Adam looked up at her for few seconds, and then took a deep breath.

‘’With Jeff I thought he went to live with Jeff, not with his parents.’’ Tears fell from his eyes again. ‘’It hurts mom and I really miss him and Maddie.’’

Leila was quiet for some time, and then Adam saw the confusion in her eyes. ‘’Adam, you got it all wrong.’’ She was shaking her head in disbelief.

‘’No mom I saw them, I heard them. I let my husband fall in love with Jeff. This is my entire fault it’s always my fault.’’ Adam was sobbing. He felt his mother’s hand rubbed his back gently. ‘’How can Kris ever be mine again?’’

‘’Adam, I don’t know what did you see or hear, but I’m quite sure Kris is not in love with Jeff. You don’t have a reason to file for divorce and both you and Kris are miserable from nothing but miscommunication.’’ Leila said that made Adam looked at her questioningly.

‘’W-what? How do you know all of this?’’ Adam said wiping his tears with the back of his hand and reaching for tissue on the side table to blow his nose and then threw it to the already messy floors.

‘’Jeff went back to Cambodia 5 days ago, Adam.’’

‘’What? Where?’’ Adam sat up abruptly. ‘’Why?’’

‘’Yes, Jeffrey told me everything when he told me his decision to go to Cambodia again. He said he is in love with Kris. But Kris is in love with you. He is hurting but he is happy for the both of you especially now that he’d seen how you’ve changed. He said he won’t stand between you and Kris.

That’s why I panicked when I heard Kris and Maddie are with the Allen’s.’’ Leila explained reaching for her son’s hand.

‘’Wha—‘’ he was shaking his head looking horribly at his mother. ‘’but… oh my god, mom, what did I do? ‘’

‘’Yes, honey, you understood it wrong. Kris is not in love with Jeff. Your husband is in love with you.’’

‘’Mom, what I will do now? I hurt Kris again; he won’t forgive me this time. And the papers? Damn it!’’ he was pounding his clenched fist at the side table. ‘’What did I do? Stupid! Stupid! Uh, he won’t forgive Me.’’ he was crying again and was about to pounce the table again when his mother grabbed his hands.

‘’Adam, you won’t know if Kris would actually forgive you or not unless you’ll try. Talk to your husband and see how he really feels.’’

It took more couple of days before Adam returned to his house, to his empty huge house. And it took another two more days and his sanity to drive to the Allen’s house. Neil opened the door for him and Adam saw how his father in law’s expression changed upon seeing him. That made him so nervous feeling his breath was caught up in his throat. He cleared his throat and tried not to be too fidgety.

‘’Hi Neil’’ he started, but Neil just looked at him with obvious hurt in his eyes. Of all the three Allen’s, Neil was the one who began to warm up to him. He appreciated every word of wisdom and advice he gave him.

‘’Adam’’ he sternly said.

‘’Uh, can I talk to Kris?’’ he panicked when he saw some hesitance in Neil eyes.

‘’Adam…’’

‘’Neil, please. I need to talk to Kris.’’ he pleaded because he felt Neil wouldn’t let him pass the front door. ‘’please’’ Neil stepped aside to let him inside the house. ‘’Thank you’’

‘’Don’t thank me yet. ‘’ he closed the door behind him and led Adam to the living room. ‘’I’ll just call Kris.’’

‘’Thanks again, Neil’’ Neil just nodded and started to walk upstairs.

Adam saw the grand piano in the corner. He stood to see the pictures on it. It was the Allen boys and couple of Maddie’s. Then Adam saw they have a picture of the three of them, standing among the pictures on the piano. That made his heart so warm. _‘Why does he always fuck up the opportunity he has to fix things with Kris?’_

‘’Are you here to visit Maddie?’’ the voice that startled Adam was stern and cold.

‘’Yes, and I came here to- to talk to you too.’’ Adam said, though his heart was racing, he needed to be strong and calm at the same time.

‘’What for? You made everything so perfectly clear when YOU filed for divorce.’’ Adam was so taken aback at the sound of hurt in Kris’ voice. All he wanted to do at that moment was to close the distance between him and his husband and hug him and kiss him again and again.

‘’Kris, I’m sorry. That’s why I need to talk to you. Please.’’ He begged. He didn’t care how he looked to Kris but he needed to convince him.

‘’Are you not yet done hurting me? What do you still want from me, Adam?’’ Adam fought the urge to reach for Kris and cage him in his arms. He wanted to cry right then and there upon hearing in

Kris’ voice how he had hurt him. How could he hurt such a beautiful soul?

‘’Can we sit?’’ Adam was fidgeting with his ring, his wedding ring.

‘’I’ll bring Maddie down. Spend some time with your daughter. We’ll talk after.’’ With that, Kris turned and walked upstairs to bring Maddie. She was bouncing when she saw Adam that made him almost tear up. His kid missed him and he missed her too, so much.

He played with her for almost an hour when Kim entered the room. She didn’t talk much but she didn’t downright neglect him either. Adam understood, he really did but at that moment he wanted to talk Kris. He wanted to explain himself and let Kris know about the miscommunication.

Hopefully Kris would give him one more chance.

‘’Let’s go.’’ Adam jumped a bit from Kris’ voice cutting through his chain of thoughts. He looked up to his husband and found him in a fitting light brown tee that emphasized how great his body was and black jeans. His hair was a little mussed up; Adam turned his hands into fist to fight the sudden urge to just run his fingers through it. He had a very gorgeous husband.

‘’I-I thought we’d talk.’’ He said confusedly at Kris.

‘’Yes, we’ll talk just not here. Let’s go somewhere else.’’

Adam was already driving, but he didn’t know where Kris wanted to talk. So he tried again.

‘’Where do you want to go’’ Kris didn’t answer he was just staring out the window, he wasn’t even sure if he heard him. ‘’Kris?’’

‘’Your house.’’ he still refused to looked at Adam that made him so nervous. The drive to his house was so quiet. Kris didn’t talk to him; not a word and he didn’t look at him even once.

When they were seated on the patio, Adam waited for Kris to say something but after few moments and he didn’t hear anything from his husband he begins to talk.

‘’Kris…’’ he swallowed the lump that had been on his throat. This wouldn’t be easy, he knew.

‘’Why did you file for divorce, Adam’’ Kris looked at him with fiery in his eyes. For the first time since they met, Adam never saw Kris this mad. Not even when he brought Drake to his house.

‘’I really didn’t want to, Kris, but I-I thought that’s what you wanted.’’ He tried to reason out.

‘’That’s what I wanted? I see. What makes you think that?’’ his eyes narrowed on him, Adam continued to twist his wedding ring and looked down. ‘’Look at me, Adam. Tell it to my fucking face.’’

Adam snapped his head back up and flinched when he heard Kris cursed. He never heard him curse before. ‘’I thought, you were with…’’ he took a deep breath and Kris ducked his head to the side waiting for him to continue, though his eyebrows were up that almost hit his hairline. ‘’Kris, I thought you were together with Jeff. I’m sorry.’’

‘’You know this how? By assuming? By drawing a conclusion and deciding this divorce all by yourself because you assumed’’ Adam looked at his hands because Kris was right. “Without even talking to me about it’’ Kris questioned.

‘’I’m sorry, Kris, I really am. I know I don’t have the right but please…’’ Adam pleaded; a tear fell down his face.

‘’You have hurt me countless times. You have insulted and humiliated me more than I could remember. But I swallowed it all and stayed with you because I love you. I let you and Drake step over me, Adam, because I was hoping that one day, one day you’d learn to love me too.’’ He immediately wiped the tears from his eyes. ‘’Sometimes I wondered why I even feel this way for you. You didn’t do anything but hurt me. Threw it in my face how fucked up my life was that I chose. But I did, I still do. I do love you, Adam.’’

‘’Kris, I—‘’

‘’Let me finish this.’’ When Adam nodded, he continued. ‘’But I never lost hope, I always hoped that you’d see me differently. And you did. You started to show me that you care, that you like me just to break my heart again. Yes, I may have kissed Jeff once before because I was so upset with you but my conscience didn’t allow itself to rest not before I was feeling too guilty about it.’’

‘’I am committed to you, Adam. In my heart and soul, when I said ‘ _I do’_ I really meant I do. I know that we were practically forced into this marriage but I was willing to give my hundred percent to work things out with you to really treat me as your husband.’’ He mirrored Adam’s action; he was twisting his ring on his finger. ‘’When I was back in this house after I gave birth to Maddie, I thought that was it. You finally realized that you wanted me to be your husband and you melted my heart by remembering our anniversary.’’

‘’It really hurt me to know that you still think of me as a whore.’’ He chuckled humourlessly. ‘’That’s how you make me feel now. That after I gave myself to you again for the second time, you thought that it didn’t mean anything to me.’’

‘’Whenever I thought you wanted me to stay with you for good, that’s the time you break my heart again. I was never a husband to you, Adam, never.’’ He said that with hurt both visible in his eyes and voice. Adam wanted to crawl to Kris and hug him erasing all the pain that he caused this beautiful man.

‘’You are my husband Kris. I may have been mad at you in the beginning but believe me, I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything or anyone. You and Maddie are my life now. You are my husband, you are all that I want.’’ Adam confessed looking straight into his husband’s eyes.

‘’No, you’ve never seen me as your husband. You never talk to me about us, about what WE plan to do in our future.  You never bothered to ask me anything about ME about what I want. You never consider MY opinion on anything. And I’m so tired of being so patience and I already lost all my hope with this marriage. I’m so, so, so tired of waiting for you to truly see me, Adam.’’ Kris’ shoulders were slumped and he looked so tired and small. Adam’s tears started up again and basing on how Kris sounded and looked, it was bad.

‘’Kris, baby, please. Give me another chance. Let me show you how sorry I am. We can do this, please, baby.’’ Adam was begging but Kris just looked at him with determination in his eyes.

‘’I don’t think it’s a good idea, Adam. We both were not ready when we got married and until now, we are still not ready to have this relationship to go any further. We need to grow first on our own.

And I needed to find my old self because this isn’t me.’’ Kris was crying again, like he always did since he met him. ‘’I need my self-esteem again. I need my pride back, my dignity so that I never let anyone stomp on me like that again. I need to stand on my own first, Adam. I need to do it without you.’’

Adam was wiping his tears, he nodded at Kris. It was killing him to know that Kris wanted to stay away from him to find himself again, because apparently Adam destroyed him. He knew he did that’s why he understands. He once promised his husband to give whatever he wanted. Now was the time to fulfill it.

‘’I understand, Kris and I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me.’’ Adam said, he looked so tired and could use a good night sleep. But he knew he wouldn’t be sleeping that night.

‘’I already forgave you, Adam.’’

‘’Thank you’’ Then silence stretched between them. ‘’Kris, did you sign the papers?’’

‘’Not yet’’ He whispered. Adam glanced at him with a trace of hope in his eyes.

‘’Are you—um, are you going to sign them?’’

‘’I honestly don’t know. Do you want a divorce, Adam?’’ Kris was looking at him with his big innocent brown eyes.

‘’No I want us to stay married, work things out and hopefully grow old together.’’ Adam said staring at the space in front of him.  ‘’But that’s what I want. It does not necessarily mean that’s what you want. I totally respect your decision, Kris. That’s the least I can give you after all the pain I’ve caused you.’’

‘’But you can come and visit Maddie anytime you want. I’ll be staying with my parents.’’ Kris took a deep breath and looked at him. ‘’I probably should go.’’

Adam looked up at him, sadness all over his face. He looked like he wanted to say something but opted not to speak instead he nodded and tried to give his husband a smile. ‘’I’ll drive you back to your home.’’ _YOUR HOME!_ This house was once Kris’ home, but now, not anymore.

‘’No, I’m okay. I’ll call a cab.’’ When Adam tried to argue, ‘’Adam, really I’m fine. I can go home alone. Just get some rest okay.’’ Adam slumped back on his seat so resigned.  
He knew it’s just a matter of time until Kris would totally drift away from him. And who could he blame really? He was even lucky that Kris was still speaking to him. For everything that he had done, he deserved nothing.

He just has to make sure Kris would be happy with whatever he chose for his life. He promised himself if he was not a good husband to Kris, he would be a better friend to him. Who would always be there whenever he needed someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on or just to be there if he and Maddie needed him. He would always be there for them.

  


‘’You wore her out. Where did you two go this time’’ Kris asked gesturing for Adam to take a seat on the couch. Adam sat on the long one while Kris took the love seat. It was only six thirty but Adam was so tired from his afternoon with his daughter.

‘’I brought her to the zoo. She was amazed by the snakes.’’ Adam’s eyes were glowing remembering his time with Maddie. He was always busy these past few month finishing his album, though he constantly visits Maddie they rarely spent time together for more than a couple of hours.

It was already 3 months since _‘their talk’_ and Maddie was now over eight months old. Adam had stayed true to his promise; he never pressured Kris and just let him re-discover himself again. He noticed he finally has some confidence and really has become his best self. Adam concluded that having him as a husband in Kris’ life is not a good thing for Kris. Because he kept him from being this happy and care free.

He loved Kris, he desperately wanted to be with him and share his life with him, but he loved seeing him like this. He just wanted him to be happy and maybe being with him was not making Kris this happy.

‘’She gets that from you.’’ He smiled sweetly that melted Adam’s lonely heart, which made him even sadder.

‘’Yeah, I guess she does. Um, I probably should go and so you can get back to your studying. I’m sorry again that I brought her so late. I just missed her, work has been crazy.’’ Adam stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. Kris followed to stand and just nod. He walked Adam to the door and they just stood there staring at each other.

‘’Um, Adam, are you eating well? I mean, you are losing weight.’’ Kris said eyeing him up and down.

‘’Yeah, but as I’ve said I’ve been working non-stop for this album. I really hope I can come and visit Maddie in couple of days but I doubt it. I have to go to Sweden tomorrow and write with Max and I have to stop in London before coming back.’’ he let out a deep sighed, ‘’so I guess I won’t be bothering you for 2 weeks.’’

‘’Oh, so you’re out of the country for 2 weeks?’’

‘’Yeah, so that you can have a rest from seeing this face’’ Adam joked and let out a tired chuckled.

‘’Anyway I’ll let you go back to your books. I’m going. Goodbye, Kris.’’ he lifted his hand to do a small wave and Kris did the same. But Adam thought he was unusually quiet.  
‘’Yeah, goodbye, Adam’’

‘’Hello?’’ Adam yelled to the phone. He was in a hotel bar having some drinks with his UK Publicist and some acquaintances that he had while staying there. They had a successful meeting in the afternoon and his publicist, Anna, was so happy that she asked him to have some drinks.

‘’Adam?’’ Kris winced at the loudness of music on the background.

‘’Kris? Wait…‘’ he heard Adam was talking to someone but couldn’t make out the words he was saying. ‘’Kris, I’ll call you in a sec. I cannot hear you. Let me just go out, okay.’’ He didn’t wait for Kris to answer and hung up.

After saying his goodbyes to his new friends and publicist, he walked up to his room. As soon as he closed his door he redialed Kris’ number.

‘’Hey, Kris sorry about a while ago wait, is Maddie crying?’’ Adam panicked at the sound of his daughter crying so loudly.

‘’Yeah, that’s the reason I called. She has been crying for quite some time now. Mom said she might miss you this is the reason why I called.’’ Adam’s heart twisted. He missed Maddie and Kris terribly too and at that moment his loneliness hit him again. Like it always did every night.

‘’I miss her too, so much. Put me on speaker.’’ He said kicking his boots and lay down on his huge cold bed.

‘’Okay, it’s on.’’ Maddie was still crying and Adam started to sing for her. He didn’t stop until Kris whispered that Maddie had finally slept.

‘’Thank you, Adam and I’m sorry that I pulled you out from your party.’’ Kris said apologetically.

‘’It is okay I’m tired anyway and I should be sleeping.’’ He softly chuckled, he did sound so tired.

‘’Um, so, you’ll be back here the day after tomorrow?’’

Adam suddenly remembered that he extended his stay in London for another week. He missed both Maddie and Kris but he knew he decided to stay longer for him to have some fresh mind when he came back to US again. He needed this because every time he saw Kris and every time he heard his voice and the realization hit him that Kris looked so happy and content without him in his life and that thought just made him want to go scream his lungs out. It was too much to handle and too hard to accept. He was trying, he really did, but he was just human. And so he needed to have some space.

‘’Uh, no… I-I extended for another week.’’

‘’Oh, okay. You take care okay?’’ Kris said and actually he sounded so sad.

‘’Yeah, I will and Kris?’’

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’You take care too, okay? I’ll see you soon. Kiss Maddie for me, please tell her that papa loves and misses her.’’

‘’Okay, good night, Adam’’

‘’Yeah, same to you too, Kris’’

  
The two weeks plan became one month. After extending it for another week, he added another week and flew to Paris. For the first time since his separation with Kris he enjoyed his time alone.

He thought about everything that was happening and tried to reason out for himself. He tried to rationalize the fact that Kris was better off without him. At the end of his vacation in the city of romance, Adam accepted his fate. He finally admitted to himself that Kris was no longer his and that he needed to truly accept it in his heart. He should be honest to himself and to the public.

After dropping his bags in his empty house, he directly drove to the Allen’s. Kim opened the door and she let him inside. Kris was still in school and so Adam played with Maddie and lost the track of time. Maddie was exhausted playing with the new toys her papa brought for her from London and she climbed up in Adam’s arms and laid her small head on his shoulder and hugged him.

She soon was asleep. But before Adam could walk her up to her room, he saw a car parked on the other side of the street. He stood there at the window waiting for whoever would get out of the car.

His hunch was correct when after several minutes when Kris gets out of it. He rounded the car and stopped at the driver’s side while the window rolled down revealing a young gorgeous man smiling up at him.

He was around the age of Kris and much younger than Adam. He saw them talk some more before he rolled up the window again and drove away leaving Kris waving as he drove off.

Adam expected this really. He was counting off days until Kris would tell him that he found someone else. He was prepared for it, but it didn’t mean it would hurt any less. He held Maddie tight but didn’t move from where he was standing even after Kris came up and did a double take at seeing him. Adam actually saw something light up in Kris’ eyes upon seeing him.

‘’Hey, you’re here. I didn’t know you’d be coming over tonight.’’ Kris said glancing over Adam’s shoulder where he was staring a while ago.

‘’Yeah, sorry, I just couldn’t help it. I missed her so bad.’’ Adam said sadly, stroking Maddie’s back. He bit his tongue to stop from telling Kris _‘and you too’,_ instead he asked ‘’How are you?’’

‘’I’m good. Charles had invited us for a drink, he finally made Vanessa agree to date him.’’ he said smiling widely. ‘’That was Zander, Charles’ friend’’ He was acquainted with Zander and some other friends of Charles.

‘’Nice to know you’re having a good time, Kris.’’ he stared down at him and what he said was true. He was really happy to know that Kris was living his life like he should always have. ‘’I’ll bring Maddie to her room.’’

Adam slowly walked past Kris and brought Maddie to her room. He laid her in her crib, wrapped her in a warm fleece and turned off the light leaving the lamp on by the side table. He walked down the stairs and was about to let himself out the front door when he noticed Kris was writing something in his notebook. His feet were resting on top of the coffee table with his brows knitted together in deep thought. He didn’t want to disturb him and after watching him for few moments he continued to walk down the rest of the hallway leading to the front door.

  
It wasn’t easy. Actually it was killing him to control his emotions. This was why he enjoyed his short vacation because he was forced to be away from Kris. But with him visiting Maddie and Kris being around, being sweet like he always was, it was more than a torture. But as weeks had passed, he was pretty much getting used to it especially when he saw him so happy and content. That’s what he wanted for him to have.

His album was almost done. He really worked his butt off for this album. But he couldn’t understand why he still felt like there was something missing. That’s when he saw that notebook again, the same one he saw Kris was always writing in. He lifted it up when he saw it on the coffee table one day when he came to visit Maddie. She was on his side playing with building blocks.

He craned his neck to check if anyone was looking at him before opening the notebook. It was poems, a notebook full of poems. He flipped pages to pages until his eyes were caught on the recent ones. One particular date had caught his attention; it was two months ago around the same time he was in London.

__

_‘’ I thought it was over, baby_  
_We said our goodbyes_  
_But I can't go a day without your face_  
_Goin' through my mind’’_

It was really a great poem and Adam felt like Kris had written it in Adam’s perspective. This could be Kris’ personal experiences or someone else’ for that matter nevertheless; it was hitting him straight to his heart.

__

_‘’ I talked to you the other day_  
_Looks like you made your escape_

 _You put us behind, no matter how hard I try_  
_I can't do the same’’_

He looked around again before tearing the page out, folded it and slipped it to his pocket. He had an idea for this. He just hopes Kris wouldn’t despise him for doing what he had in mind.

  


He didn’t visit for nearly a week, which is unusual for him. And he could clearly see in Kris’ eyes how worried he was.

‘’Are you okay? You didn’t get sick, did you?’’ he asked as soon as Adam stepped in the house.

‘’No, I was just so busy. I already wrapped the album up. Now I’m going to promote the lead single, meaning much more crazy schedules.’’ He slumped down the couch while Kris continued to stare at him.

He seemed to be out of his fuzzy head when he suddenly stood up and wiped his palms on his jeans. ‘’I’ll go get Maddie.’’

Kim came down to bring Maddie and Kris didn’t come back to the living room not until Maddie was already sleeping on his chest.

‘’Is that the melody of your new single?’’ Kris asked and that made him open his eyes. He was leaning on the couch humming songs while rubbing his daughter’s back.

‘’Yeah’’ he continued to stroking her back and when Kris was collecting her toys that were scattered through the floor, he stood and walked her to her room.

‘’Goodnight, Kris.’’ he softly said when he passed by the living room and saw him sitting on the couch with the notebook in his hands.

‘’Yeah, good night’’

__

_‘’People, this is the day we all been waiting for. Singing for us his new single “ **Let me let go** ’’, everyone help me welcome the one and only, Adam Lambert!’’ Ellen de Generes announces excitedly._

__

_The curtain lifted up and Adam was sitting on a tall stool with Monte, his guitarist, sitting beside him. He was wearing his usual skin tight black jeans and jacket with a gray/white shirt. His hair was done up away from his beautiful face. He was absolutely stunning. But when he started to sing, Kris thought the song sounded awfully familiar. He thought that he might have heard the song before but he was pretty sure he hadn’t._

__

_‘’I thought it was over, baby_  
_We said our goodbyes_  
_But I can't go a day without your face_  
_Goin' through my mind_

 _In fact, not a single minute_  
_Passes without you in it_  
_Your voice, your touch, memories of your love_  
_Are with me all of the time_

 _Let me let go, baby_  
_Let me let go_  
_If this is for the best_  
_Why are you still in my heart_  
_Are you still in my soul_  
_Let me let go_

 _I talked to you the other day_  
_Looks like you made your escape_

 _You put us behind, no matter how hard I try_  
_I can't do the same_

 _Let me let go, baby_  
_Let me let go_  
_It just isn't right_  
_I've been two thousand miles_  
_Down a dead-end road_

 _Let me let go, darlin', won't you_  
_I just gotta know, yeah_  
_If this is for the best_  
_Why are you still in my heart_  
_Are you still in my soul_  
_Let me let go_

 _The lights of this strange city are shinin'_  
_But they don't hold no fascination for me_  
_I try to find the bright side, baby_  
_But everywhere I look_  
_Everywhere I turn_  
_You're all I see_

 _Let me, let me let go, baby, won't you_  
_Let me let go_  
_It just isn't right_  
_I've been two thousand miles_  
_Down a dead-end road_

 _Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you_  
_I just gotta know_  
_If this is for the best_  
_Why are you still in my heart_  
_Yeah, you're still in my soul, let me let go_  
_Let me let go, let me let go’’_

__

_The song was over and Adam was now sitting on a couch with Ellen who was beaming up at him. She was a fan since his Idol days and had never stopped since then._

__

_‘’So, Adam, How are you? It’s been so long!’’ she started the interview._

__

_‘’I’m fine. Thank you. Yeah, it’s been so long. It’s been almost 3 years since my last album.’’ He answered._

__

_‘’Three years… There are so many things happened in that three years. You dated Kris Allen, Married him in a short time after you met him and now you are a father to a cute little Maddie. How great was that?’’ she said with her eyes twinkling._

__

_‘’Yeah, it’s been crazy. It’s a roller coaster ride.’’_

__

_‘’Yeah, I bet it is. With the ex-boyfriend issue—sorry’’ she chuckled and continuously shaking her head in mock disbelief. ‘’Sorry, but let me tell you that exposé was just as hilarious as one can get. I don’t know if anybody believed that. I surely didn’t. I can see how happy you are in every picture you were in with your family.’’_

__

_Adam looked down at his hands and rubbed them together nervously. He looked up at her after few seconds and then he looked at the camera._

__

_‘’No, it wasn’t a lie. Drake was telling the truth.’’ The whole studio went into total silence. Ellen choked on her water and seemed to be in shocked. Well, seriously, who wasn’t?_

__

_This was it. This was the only time he could do this right. Admit to people how fucked up he had been and admit to himself that if he made a mistake he could do it right by being honest to everyone and to himself._

__

_‘’Adam…’’_

__

_‘’It’s okay, Ellen. I need to do this. I have been fooling everyone for so long, including Kris. This is the right time to tell the truth.’’ He took a deep a breath. ‘’What happened to me and Kris was, let’s just say an accident. A drunken night that lead to getting off unprotected and I accused him of using me and hated him for so long that I thought he planned all that. I caused him so much pain that nobody can even fathom. I cheated on him right under his nose. But he stood by me even as I stripped down all his of dignity until the last drop.’’_

__

_‘’What we had was only a deal a deal that would end the moment he would deliver. Then I’d file for divorce and that’s was it. I-I, what I didn’t expect was, I fell in love with him. I fell in love to the point I was losing my mind thinking how I could turn back time. I thought Kris hated me for what I did to him and was never ever going to love me because of it. Without talking to him, I filed for divorce after a year of marriage. I thought I was doing him a favor but as I’ve always done, I hurt him again.’’_

__

_‘’I am a real idiot. I let Kris slip out of my life just like that. And now and now…’’ a tear escaped his eyes._

_‘’And now I can’t have him back. We have been separated for almost 6 months now and have not been living together for just that long but we stayed friends and I’m frequently visiting Maddie.’’_

__

_‘’I’m just glad to see him very happy now and that makes me happy too. That’s what I want for him. I hope one day, he will find someone who could truly love him like he deserves to be.’’_  
_Ellen was blinking her tears off and failed when some tears escaped through it._

__

_‘’So, so, that song, your first single was about you? Did you write that song? Is that how you feel?’’ she said wiping her eyes with tissue._

__

_‘’Yes… It is how I feel. I wrote the melody but I didn’t write the lyric.’’ Ellen looked confused. ‘’Kris wrote it. I did the melody to it.’’_

__

_‘’So Kris wrote that song not you?’’ Adam nodded, ‘’so the song was speaking about Kris’ feelings too then?”_

__

_‘’Possibly… He could have written it about other people’s experiences too though. I’m not really sure. I haven’t talk to him about it. Actually, he didn’t even know that I stole his poem…’’_

  


As expected, the news had blown up and Adam was a hot topic again. Some just shrugged it off; some had expressed their disappointment at the singer and sent their well wishes to Kris. But most of them had admired his braveness for telling everyone what really happened. It really wasn’t easy but Adam thought it was for the best. He wanted to give Kris his life back.

He had been busy after that. His management had freaked out and they all just decided to let the issue wind down and just continue to promote the single. The song was good, though it was unusual for Adam to put out a first single that was a ballad, people still loved it.

He didn’t call Kris at all after the interview. He didn’t have an idea if he was angry or not and he didn’t want to have that conversation over the phone. Besides, he already made Kris’ life a media circus and to let him and his family left alone was the least he could do for them. He saw it on TV that paparazzi were stalking his husband again and bombarding him with crappy questions. He avoided visiting Maddie too because apparently there were paparazzi camped outside the Allen’s residence. It would do no good for Kris or his family if he was spotted coming to their house.

After a week, he started a promotional tour outside US. He would be out of the country for nearly 3 weeks. Adam thought that would be a good timing until the issue would die down and he could talk to Kris about it.

He sent Kris a message though telling him about his schedules and that he couldn’t come and visit Maddie for quite some time.

When he came back to America his single hit the top of the charts and the issues about his marriage had almost died down. He took a risk by texting his husband asking him for dinner and to his delight Kris agreed. He didn’t have a slightest idea what was Kris’ reaction to what he admitted to the public and he hoped it wasn’t that bad. He didn’t mean for him to be on the spotlight again all bare for public scrutiny.

Adam was early and he was at the restaurant nursing his champagne for nearly twenty minutes waiting for Kris. His mind had drifted to those happy memories he had with him. He really wanted it all back but Kris’ life now was better than he had it when they were still together in one house. He didn’t want to complicate that again.

Then he saw his husband coming in to the restaurant. He was wearing his usual tee that hugged his chest leaving nothing to your imagination and his hair that Adam always fantasized to run through his fingers. He was exceptionally gorgeous with simple clothes and Adam’s heart froze at how his husband looked so stunning.

‘’Hey’’ Kris greeted. Adam seemed to snap out of his reverie and stood to pull his chair out. ‘’Thanks’’

‘’Uh, how are you Kris? You, you look so good.’’ He started looking at his husband’s brown eyes.

‘’I’m okay. How are you? I heard your single is number 1. Did you ask me out to talk about my royalties?’’ Adam’s head jerked up. He got panicked at Kris’ statement but upon seeing his face he knew Kris wasn’t mad. He let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding since he sat at the table.

‘’Kris, I’m sorry for stealing those lyrics from your notebook. I understand if you’re mad at me.’’

‘’I’m not mad if the price is right.’’ Adam looked at him with wide eyes. ‘’I’m joking! Oh my god, your face.’’ Kris chuckled and Adam couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his husband this happy and so carefree. His decision to stay away from Kris was really a good one.

‘’I credited the lyrics with your name and it will be on the album. Kris, I’m sorry really to put you again in this kind of situation. I mean the Ellen thing. I just needed to be honest and get it off my chest you know. I hope you understand that I didn’t do that on purpose to hurt or ruin you but it was to set everything right. I want to make it right for you this time.’’

‘’I admit that I was shocked when I saw it. I just didn’t expect that, I guess. But thank you for telling the truth. It wasn’t easy, I know it took a lot of braveness and courage but you still did it. Not thinking it might cost you your career.’’ Adam couldn’t help but tear up. How could he get so lucky to be married to this kind creature? _Uh, if only he could just turn back time_.

‘’Hey, it’s okay. It’s all good.’’ Kris held his hand and squeezed it.

‘’Thank you’’ He was wiping his eyes and turned his hand to twined their fingers. ‘’You look so good and happy.’’ That was true, Kris never looked so good and his eyes were twinkling. It was killing him to think that someone else might put that in there for him. But he was happy for him nevertheless.

‘’I am.’’ He simply said, cutting through his steak.

‘’How’s Maddie? She must be growing so fast. I really missed her.’’

‘’She’s fine. Yes she’s growing so fast, Adam. And she is growing more like you. The eyes, her nose, freckles and thank god she seemed to get your height.’’ They both chuckled at that. ‘’She misses you too. I think you should drop by the house.’’

‘’Yeah, I’d love to.’’

They spent the night talking about anything they could think of and Adam never felt that better. He then followed Kris in his car (he apparently bought one) to his house and stayed with Maddie until she fell asleep again on his chest. He lovingly stroked her back remembering how happy she made him when for the first time she called him ‘’Pap-pa’’ upon seeing him that night. Adam tears up and it took a while for him to calm down.

Adam continued to be busy but he always made time for his little lady and Kris. He has a better relationship with him now and Adam couldn’t ask for more. They continued to communicate especially now that they were preparing for their baby girl’s first birthday. Adam wanted the party to be huge despite Kris’ protest.

He was at Kris’ home every afternoon and discussing details with him. Kris just let him do whatever he wanted because he knew if Adam wanted something it was futile to talk him out of it. He even enjoyed watching him being all excited and fretting at the same time.

The day before the party, Adam was in a meeting the whole morning and he directly went to Kris’ house making sure everything ran smoothly for tomorrow’s event. He checked everything from the venue to the decorations; the food and drinks; giveaways and clothes. Well, especially the clothes.

Then in the evening, Maddie had a bit of tantrum and refused to go to bed and wanted to stay with her papa. Adam was so tired but lifted Maddie and brought her to his chest and settled in a recliner. He hummed her favorite lullabies and lovingly stroked her back. After few minutes both were asleep.

Kris found them in living room and the sight just melted his heart. He missed those times he was watching them in Adam’s house when they were taking a nap in rocking chair. He couldn’t believe that she was going to be one year old tomorrow. Then his eyes settled on his husband, his tired but beautiful husband. He was too tired he guessed because he didn’t even stir when Kris took Maddie in his arms and settled her in her room.

He came back down and brought a blanket to wrap it around Adam. He didn’t wake him, he was worried he was too tired to drive back home. He fought the urge to wake him however and lead him to bed, he could use his and he would just sleep in Dan’s room, but he thought Adam looked comfortable in his position and left it as it is.

He woke up as usual and saw Adam was now sleeping on the couch. He used the throw pillow on his head and the blanket was thrown on the floor. His shirt rode up a bit and shows some pale skin that made Kris avert his eyes and busy himself in the kitchen.

Adam showed up while he was flipping a pancake, he glanced up at him with a smile.

‘’Hey, good morning’’

‘’Hey’’ he said hesitantly. ‘’Sorry, I slept with Maddie and I was too—‘’

‘’Adam, it is okay. I wish I woke you up and let you sleep in bed. I could’ve crash in Dan’s but I didn’t want to disturb you and so…’’ he bit his bottom lip ‘’I just hope you don’t have a stiff neck.’’

‘’No, no I’m fine.’’

‘’Sit. This will be ready in a minute. You want coffee?’’ Adam just stared at Kris. It was like being transported back when they were still living together. ‘’Adam, are you okay?’’

‘’Y-Yeah Uh, yeah, I think I just need caffeine. My brain still isn’t working.’’ Kris nodded and proceeded to continue cooking.

Adam sat at the table staring at Kris’ back. It was still so early and nobody was awake except the two of them. Kris put a plate full of pancakes in front of him after few minutes and they started to eat. Adam admittedly missed _this_ Kris.

Adam went home after breakfast to get dressed and directly went to the venue after. He was checking everything to make sure that Maddie’s first birthday would be awesome.

And it was. There were lots of guest and the venue was full. Kris invited his college friends and really was enjoying himself. He was smiling when Adam led the kiddie games and totally acted like 2 year old boy. It warmed his heart seeing the father of his kid who was a total rock star doing such a childish thing in front of everyone, it was kind of cute and adorable.

He kind of liked the idea of this big party after seeing all his friends that he hadn’t seen in a while like Brad; Alisan; Cassidy especially Adam’s parents. Leila and Eber had frequently visited before but when they moved to San Diego 2 months ago they hadn’t visited since then. And Kris missed them so much. They had been good to him and he couldn’t ask for better in-laws.

Kris’ favorite moment of the day was when the cake came out and Adam led the singing and everyone surrounded them singing along. Maddie was clapping her hands and smiling widely.

Adam holding her in front of the cake and blew the candle with her. Kris was staring lovingly at Adam and Maddie when Adam pulled him in an embrace, squishing little Maddie in between, dropping a kiss on his temple.

Kris’ eyes widened when Adam put icing on his nose. Then narrowed them and let out a devilish grin eyeing the cake. Adam’s eyes went comically wide. He immediately passed Maddie to his mom who was standing at his side and started to walk away from Kris.

‘’oh no, you’re not going to run away from me, Adam.’’ He said loudly. The guests amusedly looked at them. They were chuckling and some were shaking their heads while laughing.

Kris caught up with Adam and was about to paint the icing on his nose when Kris froze. Adam felt that Kris’ hand tightened on his arm looking past his shoulder. Adam turned his head to look at where Kris was staring and he himself was caught off guard.  
Jeff was standing at the door, holding a gift in his hands and beaming up at them.

‘’Jeff?’’ Kris whispered like he wasn’t sure if he was seeing right. ‘’Oh my god, Jeff!’’ Kris ran to Jeff and planted his head on his chest. Adam tore his eyes away as he felt a pang of jealousy creeping through his veins.

‘’Kris!’’ he heard Jeff say. Adam contemplated on his next move but he really missed his cousin. His cousin that he treated like his own brother who he was once tied at the hips with. He missed that connection between them and he just simply missed him.

He looked at them again and he was surprised to see them walking towards his direction. Jeff was smiling and he looked so happy and calm. Adam was really glad that he was okay.

‘’Hey, man.’’ Jeff said yanking him to pull in an embrace. Adam hugged him tight and patted his back gently. He really missed his cousin.

‘’I’m good. How are you?’’ he asked when they pulled apart.

‘’I’m better. So, how have you guys have been?’’ he smiled expectantly looking from Adam to Kris.

‘’Uh…’’ Adam articulately said, quickly glancing at Kris who was looking down at his shoes. ‘’we’re good.’’ Jeff stared at them again then settled his eyes on Adam after getting the message between the two men in front of him. He looked at Adam with the look that said _‘you must be fucking kidding me’_

‘’You want to eat? There’s plenty of food on the table.’’ Adam said to diffuse the tension between them.

‘’Okay’’ Jeff answered quietly. Kris went with him leaving Adam standing in the middle of the room. He walked out of the room and found a couch in a corner at the end of the hallway.

It was quiet out there and Adam sat on it and let out a deep breath. He was too caught up with his thoughts and unconsciously twisting his wedding ring when a voice suddenly cut through his chain of thoughts.

‘’Can I join you?’’

When he looked up he saw a mix of sadness and disappointment in Jeff’s eyes.

‘’Sure’’ he beamed up at him but he knew Jeff could still read him like a book. He sat at the other end of the couch and rubbed his palms together. No one spoke for few moments until Jeff let out a deep sighed.

‘’I tried to call you before I left.’’ He started, and then he shifted to face him. ‘’What are you doing, Adam?’’

Adam looked at him; he was still twisting his wedding ring. ‘’I fucked everything up, Jeff.’’

‘’I left thinking that you two had finally worked things out. I-I never expected it to be like this.’’ He was shaking his head in disbelief. ‘’Have you even tried to talk to him?’’

Adam nodded, ‘’Yeah, but he refused to take me back.’’ It hurt to think about that day again. His eyes got misty in no time and Adam was trying to blink it away. ‘’But looking at him now. He’s better off without me.’’

‘’Dammit, Adam can’t you not see with your own eyes that Kris still loves you?’’ Jeff was shaking his head again like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

‘’He might still have feelings for me, but it doesn’t mean he still wants to be with me. It doesn’t mean he would be happy with me. I destroyed him, Jeff. I’m still struggling to forgive myself for doing that to him.’’

‘’So what now you’ll just let him go just like that without fighting?’’ Jeff narrowed his eyes at him,

‘’Where is the Adam that I used to know?’’

‘’I’m afraid.’’ Adam couldn’t hold his tears anymore; they escaped his eyes but he wiped them away immediately. ‘’I’m afraid if I fucked it up again, I’d lose him completely.’’

‘’So you’ll just live your life in misery watching Kris with someone? You really want that to happened?’’ he wanted to yell at his cousin to just shut up, but he knew he was telling the truth and it hit him right to his core.

He shook his head few times, ‘’But he’s more happy now than he ever was. We have a better relationship as friends. And he seems to be content with what we have right now. So I guess it is better this way. It is for the best and I’m happy with the way everything turned out to be.’’

‘’No you are not. You are not happy, Adam, and you know it. Kris is obviously struggling too. You thought he is happy? Well, look at him, really look at him and ask yourself again if you think he is truly happy.’’ He sighed again in frustration, ‘’I can’t tell you what to do, Adam. It is your decision and it is only you and Kris who could both end your miseries. He might still not be ready, but seeing you losing hope is just frustrating.’’

‘’But what if you’re wrong what if he doesn’t need me anymore?’’

‘’Adam, fight for what you feel. Fight for the things that would make your life happy. If Kris would make you that, then go for it. It’s a risk; it’s too much at stake here. But that’s what life is all about. You cannot just live in fear that you might end up hurting Kris again. You cannot guarantee that you wouldn’t hurt him in the future, because anything is possible. But that’s the magic of love; you’ll get through with any obstacles thrown your way. That comes along with every relationship, what’s important is that you’ll get through it together.’’

‘’Why didn’t you fight for him then?’’ he asked after few moments of deafening silence.

‘’Because he is not in love with me. If he was, I wouldn’t have let him slip out of my hands’’

  
A few weeks had passed and Adam couldn’t get his mind off what Jeff had said to him. It was like it opened his eyes to the reality. He knew what he wanted, he knew what he needed, and all he needed to do was to act on it, fight for it.

Jeff started to play his music again. He was auditioning at clubs and landed a numbers of gigs. Adam noticed that he looked so peaceful that he was quiet envious about it. He wanted to have that too.

They started picking up the friendship that they had thrown away years and years ago. Adam started to feel secure and safe again like he always had when they were still best friends. It was like finding your long lost brother again who always got your back no matter what. That’s how he felt these days upon re-connecting with his cousin.

It wasn’t that hard especially when you let go of the hatred that resided in you for so long. It was so liberating and vindicating at the same time. And Adam started looking at his life in another perspective and starting to have that peace in his heart.

He religiously visited Maddie and was trying to court Kris in a simple manner that it wouldn’t be too obvious. He started with asking him out for a coffee; then a lunch; then a formal dinner date. He was sending him flowers too. He noticed Kris got his sparkling eyes back and seemed to be happy.  
Adam didn’t try anything though. He didn’t try to kiss Kris or anything beyond holding his hands.

He wanted to make it right this time and he would not let his hormones ruin it. His favorite was when he would surprisingly picked Kris up from school and asked him out for a snack that would end up in dinner or watching movies. They just seem to be caught up with each other and would lose track of time. He had crashed on Kris’ couch countless of times after falling asleep while watching movies. He was being accepted by the Allen’s and became close to Kris’ family especially with Kim.

The news broke again when the two of them were spotted frequently out on a dates. Speculations and gossip started but Adam kept his silence because he himself didn’t know their real status and he didn’t want to presume. He was willing to take things one step at a time and let fate decide for them.

The day that Adam started his tour is the day that Adam realized Kris was like air to him who he needed to breathe and to live. He realized how they became so close and connected again and now that he would be away for months he couldn’t fathom how he could survive that long without him and his daughter.

He tried to fight his longing though and he just drowned his loneliness every night by talking to Kris on phone or by skype. Kris didn’t look much better than he was; Adam thought he looked so devastatingly sad.

That’s why when Kris and Maddie paid him a surprise visit in his second month on the road, Adam cried from happiness. He couldn’t contain himself when he pulled Kris close to him and kissed him on his lips, and hugged him tighter.

‘’I missed you.’’ He whispered in Kris’ ear ‘’so much.’’ He kissed the side of his head, closing his eyes taking in the scent of Kris that he missed.

‘’Missed you, too.’’ Kris whispered back.

That night Adam had his best night in a long time. Maddie was lying between him and Kris in his hotel suite. He insisted on them staying with him and Kris didn’t refuse. They were both lying on their sides facing Maddie. Adam’s hand was outstretched in Kris’ hair. He was contentedly running his fingers through his soft brown hair. Kris and Maddie were already sleeping but Adam couldn’t bring himself to tear his eyes away from his family. He missed them so much that he was afraid to even blink that they might be gone if he’d did that.

Kris and Maddie caught the afternoon flight the next day because Kris still had his classes the following day. Adam hugged them both in the airport terminal and kissed Kris again on his lips. It was just a short one but Kris felt all the emotions in it and so he cupped Adam’s cheeks and kissed him again.

They continued to communicate while Adam was on tour and after 3 more months Adam came back to LA and had his last concert for his tour. All his Friends and Family were there, including Kris’.

Adam felt so ecstatic that for the first time in his life he felt so completely happy and whole again. Everything was in a better place and Adam couldn’t ask for more. There was just one thing that he needed to do and he couldn’t wait any longer for it to happen.

People were really enjoying his sold out concert at the Nokia theatre. He could clearly see Kris as he sat between his mom and Leila and he looked so enthralled by Adam on stage. That made Adam do things more to show off his to husband. He was hitting notes that were higher than he ever did and danced sexily with his choreographed numbers. He was giving Kris a wink and blowing him a kiss every time he exited to change his wardrobe.

When he did his encore, he sang a song that he wrote solely on his own, Adam had tears in his eyes while singing it.

__

_‘’I get kind of dark_  
_Let it go too far_  
_I can be obnoxious at times_  
_But try and see my heart_  
_Cause I need you now_  
_So don't let me down_  
_You are the only thing in this world_  
_I would die without’’_

He was looking at Kris throughout the song and his eyes were glistening with tears. His voice even cracked at the end. People stood up to give him a standing ovation. They were clapping and shouting. Adam was so overwhelmed and thanked the audience again and again. The audience got silent when they noticed Adam was about to say something. He didn’t move and just looked around the theater that was full of people who loved him.

He was one lucky man to have this. The fame, the money, the love from these people and he took it all for granted before he met Kris, and now having him in his life, it was more than he could hope for. Kris made him appreciate every little thing he had, he made him realized that in this life it wasn’t just rainbows and unicorns. You have to work for everything in your life, you have to make an effort to keep whatever you have intact, and you have to hold on to someone who brings out the best in you.

He had learned his lesson in life in most painful way. But nothing would make you happy unless you forgive and forget and move on. He smiled as his eyes flickered to Jeff who was sitting beside his mother, Leila. They had hurt each other and drifted apart for years. Adam once believed that their problems were beyond repair, but looking at them now, Adam was more than glad he opened his heart again for his cousin, for his brother.

Then his eyes settled on the only person who his heart longed for, beats for. He smiled at him lovingly.

‘’Uh, sorry ladies and gentlemen, but I just need to do this.’’ The audience was quiet and the anticipation was palpable. ‘’Kris, baby, can you come up here?’’

Kris was wide eyed pointing his finger at himself as if asking _‘me?’_

‘’Yes you, baby. Please?’’ Adam chuckled. His husband was so cute and so innocent.

‘’Okay’’ he said nervously when Kris was in front of him, staring up at him like he was a mad man. Well, maybe he was.

‘’Adam, what—‘’ Kris stopped in his mid-sentence as Adam, his husband, kissed him on his mouth. He stiffened at first in shock but closed his eyes and gripped lovingly at Adam’s waist after registering in his short circuited brain what Adam just did. Adam deepened the kissed and was stroking his back.

The crowd was cheering and they just pulled away but with their foreheads still touching when air became vital. They were staring lovingly at each other and Adam was running his thumb on Kris’ face giving him a quick peck on his lips, one, two, three times.

Then as Kris thought it was over and that they were about to walk away, Adam slowly gets down on one knee, looking up at him from his long lashes. Kris didn’t even know how he produced that small velvety box, but apparently Adam did.

Kris was gaping his mouth in shock. He looked down at Adam with misty eyes. He couldn’t believe what was happening.

‘’Kris, will you marry me?’’ Adam asked nervously. Kris kinda found his gesture amusing because here we go again. _How could Adam even think that he might say no?_

‘’What?’’ he dumbly replied. Adam raised the ring up for Kris to look at it better, as if it wasn’t still clear from his position what he was trying to do.

‘’Marry me, baby.’’ He whispered still locking gazes with Kris.

‘’I hear you, but what I meant was, you do realized that WE are still married, right?’’ Kris asked in astonishment, his heart was somersaulting in happiness and his stomach was doing a happy dance.

‘’Yes, I am aware of it. But I don’t care. What I know is that, I want to marry you again. I’ll marry you anywhere you want, baby. I love you so much.’’ Adam was all smile, happiness was bursting out his face.

‘’I love you, too, Adam.’’ He helped him stand up, ‘’and yes, I’ll marry you again, and again, and again. However you want it, whenever you want it to be, wherever you chose it to be. I’ll be there, I’ll always be there.’’ Kris was starting to cry. Tears were falling down his cheeks as Adam reached up to wipe it.

‘’I don’t want you to cry anymore, Kris. You’ve been crying since you met me and now my mission in life is to put only happy smiles on that beautiful face from now on until the day I die.’’ He kissed him again on his mouth and after they pulled away, Kris was still tearing up. ‘’ Stop crying, baby’’

‘’These are happy tears, Adam. I-I’m so happy right now.’’ Adam face broke in a wide smile. The crowd was applauding loudly now as they witnessed Adam and Kris reunited. Adam could feel his tears were escaping his eyes too. He didn’t even try to hold them back. As Kris just said, they were happy tears.

‘’Uh, Adam?’’

‘’Yeah, baby?’’ Adam looked down at him,

‘’My ring… You forgot to put my ring on me.’’ Adam softly chuckled and put the ring on Kris’ ring finger and leaned down to kissed him. They kissed passionately for they don’t know how long in front of everyone, everyone who loved them, who were happy as they both were that finally they were together again. And now it was for real.

EPILOGUE  
8 MONTHS LATER

‘’Oh, Kris, good you are awake. Breakfast is ready. Take a seat, babe.’’ Adam said while putting the pancakes to a plate. He squirted a generous amount of maple syrup, just how Kris loved them to be, and settled it in front of his husband.

_His husband who he had happily married twice in 2 years. Their second wedding ceremony was held on a beach and was just attended by their closest friends and family. It was nevertheless a simple but sacred ceremony. Maddie was their only flower girl and Jeff was Adam’s best man._

_Adam and Kris were both on cloud 9 that day, on their special day. And after their 2 weeks long honeymoon in Europe, Kris filed a petition in court to change his last name and after a short time he was now called Kristopher Neil Allen-Lambert._

_Adam was so proud to hear his husband’s name as he graduated from college. He proudly stood up and enthusiastically applauded as Kris’ name was called to the stage to take his college diploma._

_All their families and friends were there witnessing as he finally picked off the fruit of his hard work. Adam was so proud that he ran to Kris and hugged him as he threw off his cap in the air signaling the end of his college days._

_Adam never brought Kris to his old house again. He opted to just sell it and bought a new one and started his life with his family in their new home._

Adam was surprised as he saw Kris’ face turn sour. He grimaced at the sight of his favorite pancakes that made Adam stare worriedly at him.

‘’You don’t like it, baby? It’s your favorite and I poured half of the bottle of syrup, just the way you liked it.’’ Adam said confusedly. Adam actually noticed Kris to be in sour mood quite a bit lately. He admittedly got worried these past days but shrugged it off thinking he might be just stressed out because of his new job at the Advertising firm.

But last night, he threw a fit at his scent, his lavender body wash that Kris always loved to smell on him. He took a shower again just to get rid of the smell of lavender off of him and that was the only time Kris beamed up at him and cuddled up at his side and slept like a baby.

 _…And now this?_ He really was so worried at what was happening to his husband. Now he just needed to convince him that he must see a doctor.

‘’Nah, I don’t like it. I hate it. Get that away from me!’’ he scowled at the food. Adam just stood there, frozen. Then he noticed Kris’ face was paler.

‘’Baby, are you okay? Is there something wrong with you?’’ Adam asked nervously, feet still glued to the same spot. He couldn’t bring himself to move.

‘’Why wouldn’t I be?’’ he glared up at him annoyingly. _Was he pouting?_

‘’You look so pale.’’ Kris just looked up at him, one eyebrow arched up.

‘’I’m good. I’m just, I don’t know always tired and so weak. Yesterday at the office, I couldn’t even help it. I was too sleepy and so I slept at my desk.’’

‘’I’ll tell Shirley to make an appointment for you with a doctor. You need to be checked.’’

‘’Nah, I’m just sleepy. Nothing to worry about’’

‘’No, you needed to see a doctor and you need to eat. Now what do you want me to cook for you, sweetheart?’’ Adam asked rounding on the table to stand at Kris’ side. Petting his hair and dropping a kiss on it.

‘’What I really want to eat? Pickles!’’ Kris’ eyes were dancing in excitement at the mentioned of pickles. Adam grimaced. … _Seriously?_

Kris looked up at him and frowned as he saw Adam make a face at the mention of pickles.

‘’What? You asked me what I want to eat. So I tell you I am craving for pickles.’’ Kris said annoyingly at Adam.

‘’In the morning?’’ _he was so gonna yell at Adam; he was getting in his nerves!_

But before he could retaliate with a snarky reply his stomach suddenly churned. He held on to it and ran to the nearest bathroom. Adam trailed behind him worriedly, calling his name and helping him as he puked out his stomach in the toilet by rubbing his back gently.

‘’Are you okay, baby? You are starting to worry me, Kris.’’ he said lovingly wiping the beads of sweat that broke out on Kris’ forehead. Kris was still slumped over the toilet, panting heavily and paler than he was  at the table.

‘’I’m okay.’’ He said softly. Standing up with the help of Adam and rinsed his mouth at the sink. He looked at his husband in the mirror and saw that he was worrying too much. He smiled at him, ‘’could you give me a minute, babe? I just need to do something’’

Adam started to protest but Kris pleaded with his usual puppy eyes, Adam nodded. Kris knew he was worried that’s why he needed to make sure before telling Adam his hunch.

He rummaged through the medicine cabinet for the _‘thing’_ that he was looking for as soon as the door clicked. He was sure he had one stashed between cotton-balls and gauze. He almost squealed when he found what he was looking for and started to open the kit. He stood there waiting anxiously and his eyes grew ridiculously huge as he saw the result. _Well, this was getting better and better._

He slowly opened the door and found his husband pacing in front of the door. He stopped and frantically ran to where Kris was standing in the door frame.

‘’Kris, baby, what’s happening? Talk to me, please. Get dressed and we’re going to the doctor.’’ Adam said frantically. He was cupping Kris’ face on both his hands. He felt Kris was so calm and there was a hint of excitement twinkling in his brown eyes. Adam couldn’t understand it but he was relieved at least to see Kris wasn’t feeling that bad. But he would still drag his ass to the doctor even if he would protest.

‘’Okay, but you have to see this first.’’ Kris said softly, but he could sense an excitement in his voice.

‘’What?’’ he said, his brows knitted together in confusion but followed his husband as he was being tugged inside the bathroom. Kris stood him up in front of the mirror and Adam looked at Kris from it. ‘’What?’’ he asked again.

‘’There’’ he pointed at the white plastic thingy on the side of the sink. Adam glanced down but looked up at Kris again because he wasn’t sure he had a slightest of idea at what he was looking at. ‘’You don’t know what this is, do you?’’

Adam shook his head looking down again at the thing. It was maybe 5 inches long with two purple lines on the middle. ‘’W-what is—‘’ _oh god, he think he knows what this thing is. Oh. My. God!_  ‘’Kris, are you—‘’ he asked with his eyes so huge.

Kris bit his bottom lip and smiled up at him, ‘’Yeah, we are having another baby, sweetheart.’’

Adam’s mouth dropped open and he was still for a moment until his mind recovered and broke out into a huge grin. ‘’Oh my god, baby!’’ he lifted Kris off the ground and swing him around.

‘’Adam, put me down!’’ Kris giggled but Adam just held him tight. When he put him down, he captured Kris’ mouth with his in a deep searing kiss. The kiss became hot and hands were roaming their bodies as Adam started walking him backwards to the direction of their room. Maddie was with the Allen’s since yesterday and won’t be back until later in the afternoon.

When they were in their room, Adam slowly undressed his husband without breaking their kiss. He pulled away as he took off Kris’ shirt and lovingly stared at his belly. He gently ran his hand over it then kissing Kris on his forehead. He had never been this happy and content in his life. Whenever he thought he couldn’t be happier, Kris would just prove him wrong.

He was one lucky guy to have what he had and he was so damn grateful for it.

‘’I love you, Kris. I love you so much’’ he whispered looking intensely at his husband.

‘’I love you too, Adam’’  Which was the last coherent words he heard from Kris as he continued to undressed him and show him the true meaning of Love.

 


End file.
